29.

I composed this well angry post-to-be around a week ago while waiting in the hospital and could do nothing else but pressing my phone around. Obviously it didn't make it here as an entry, luckily, as it was full of hatred. Anyways, being in a much calmer mood I try to re-compose it.                                
First of all I had my appointment on the antenatal ward, and even though I had to be there at a specific date and time, they still made me wait close to an hour. No network reception on the phone and was unable to listen to my music in case I was the next to be called. Therefor I was just sitting there quietly among many other pregnant women, most of them with their unborns' already existing brother or sister.
I'm not so keen on going in to race questions now, but... So I'm sitting there pissed enough, cause of the wait and these kids are making so much noise, shouting, running about, falling over, crying out loud and so. I could easily say I hate kids, but it's nothing to do with them but their parents. So their pops don't give a damn about them, the children make noise to get their attention (Nothing.), running about (Still nothing.), falling over and crying (There we go!) and then they get their attention finally... Scolding them off for being the way they are!
Not just blaming their children for something which ain't their fault, raising neglectful toddlers, they are being pregnant again, having another one! What the hell for?!
It makes me proper sad, especially cause those poor kids are going to grow up soon, and be exactly the same, once they get to the point and are about to have babies too. They'll assume that this kind of behaviour is absolutely normal. And this makes this generation fucked up as hell.
Another example; The estate we are living at the moment is full of roughly 5-6 years old kids, the boys are playing ball games on the other side of the house while the girls are usually outside the estate playing in front of our doors.
They learnt to kind of like (If not that, but accept.) us, new tenants. They do no harm to us but couldn't help noticing, they sometimes clique against our next door neighbour, the youngest little girl (Around 3 or 4.) Lea. They either don't play with her, getting her in pity troubles, or showing off their sparkly pink princess dresses what Lea doesn't have.
Now the thing is; Their parents are clearly spoiling them, trying to keep them out of the house, buying them everything just to shut them up, while Lea's mum (A decent like stoner chav.) obviously cares about her. That's that.
Lea was the first, and for quite some time the only person (Including parents!) who was greeting to us every time we walked past by her, shouting -'Bye!' at us, even though we were far down the road already. She knows etiquette, and it's good to see that there is a kid out there who is going to grow up to be 'normal'.
I just hope I'm going to be a good mother.

28.

We had our first baby shopping the weekend before, not even knowing what we are having yet, hah! Not like we planned on it but was in Camden to our mate's BBQ so thought we might as well check out the market as been a while since we both been there. Then we found a stand selling funny grows and bibs, and as well went to Cyberdog and got a grow from there too. (Excuse Szabolcs, our deal was whenever in life I'd get pregnant he'd come and baby clothes shop with me in Cyberdog, but not being sure whether or not we will be seeing each other before the alien arrives, I rather have gotten over with it now.)

I got ordered to triple my dose of the hormone medication and to take iron too. Luckily all these prescription drugs are free with the Maternity Card, so at least that's one thing I don't have to worry about.
By the way being pregnant really does play with your hormones. Sex drive of a woman can both increase and decrease during pregnancy which I didn't know but explains why I'm so horny all the bloody time. Was, to be precise, especially in the past couple of months. Ah well.
My mum and nan are coming over this weekend for a few days, told them to bring over some Hungarian  fairy tales and baby books so even though he/she will be surrounded by the English, still has an option to learn bits and bobs of my language... Which, I unfortunately won't be able to teach him/her properly cause of it's grammar and difficulty.
Although neither of us has 100% gotten hit by the thought of parenthood yet, we can't wait til the 24th when we'll be finding out what we are having. Yay!

27.

A day and I'm 16 weeks! Have some belly going on here already but don't think it's too bad. I think I felt the baby moving around a little bit this week, but I can't say it for sure. It was like indigestion pain, still, I do kind of think it was the monster.
Anyways, I'm getting more and more sure about giving birth in a pool in the hospital. Done a little research and this video simply amazes me (No gore just a montage of pictures.), especially when the dad jumps into the paddling pool of blood to hold his little alien. Of course I'd rather get this done in the hospital, and don't expect Lee to jump straight into my blood (More likely to pass out haha!) but I still find it absolutely touching.

26.

What I wasn't yet talking about is the past week and what I managed to sort out.
I had a blood check and I got described with hyperthyroidism. It's the overactive one, I had problems with it before, but I ignored it which I can not anymore do because of the baby's health. So I'm taking medication for 3 weeks now, then I'm going back to get my blood re-checked. A few months after giving birth I probably will have an operation so all this thyroid problem can be forgotten, forever.
I also applied for Jobseeker's Allowance benefit which is still in process but I got some tax back luckily so it helped us out a little.
Sorted out the cat and her fleas, I pray it's for good now. We are going back to the vet next week for her vaccinations.
We also had our first 'family' shopping, when we bought such things as a hoover, a microwave, an inflatable camping mattress and other bits for the flat. We as well have a toaster and kettle saved for us, just as a dining table with chairs and a cooker. These are from Lee's parents' so we should be O.K. with paying for them whenever we are safe with money. Lee has a bed and a wardrobe too. Only writing these cause it's good to know, we pretty much got everything needed for when we have to move.
We are living at Lee's aunt's place at the moment, but hopefully the council will help us to find a place to move in with the baby, for relative cheap. We got that sorted too, so all what we have to do now is wait and see whether they accept our application or not. It's tricky cause Lee is working and they usually don't give out places to parents to bes whom work, even though his money isn't enough to feed three people plus pay bills and a private rent.
I have an appointment to the dentist too, it's free when you are pregnant, and my teeth are hurting so much so rather get them checked.
Our friend's mother has many baby stuffs which she wants to get rid off so she'll pass it on to us, so that's kind of done as well.
And I'm having my 20 weeks scan on the 24th of June when hopefully we will find out whether it's a boy or a girl. Yay!
Then, on the 29th going to see my midwife again and Lee is coming too, cause for some reason he's interested in meeting her. Bet he has some questions too haha!
By the way I went to see Tracey the other day, asked around and apparently if I'm due on 06/11/11 I can not have a C section on 11/11/11 as they are going to have to give the baby at least 7 days to come out naturally, but as it happens, first babies are always late so I shall be fine. Also, there are pools in the hospital where I'll be so I can give birth in water. What a relief!
All looks up now. We are surely getting there.

25.

Here is the time to talk about what I wanted to mention like ages ago. I'm horrified of the thought what kind of mother I'm going to be!
I know that I am going to be the strict parent and Lee's going to be the one the kid will trust more, or go to with his/her problems. I kind of able to accept this but the thought my kid might be hating me, well... I can't bare.
Most probably I only think this way cause of the relationship between my mum and me, but still. I mean, what if the kid is going to be ungrateful or something? They are cute and sweet when they are babies then they grew into the 'Why?' period, then school, then teenage thing and tell them what is what and how, then first relationships, drinking and maybe drugs, then that it was, they are gone already.
I know it doesn't sound promising or positive, it isn't against the little unborn alien, more likely against me.
I'm scared that I'm going to be horrible and disliked. I want to be cool and easy and that kind of parent who takes the kid out for a drink and stuff. I hope I won't fuck it up.

24.

I feel much more better now, it's weird how a few kind words put you in to your happy place and a few mean ones (Or the ones you take that way.) lets you down.
Yep, I have to agree, my hormones are kind of all over the place but think it could be worse. Or will be, see what happens.
Over a year ago, one of my close friends, Szabolcs was still living in the UK and I had many free minutes so we were having hour long chats over the phone. I clearly remember one of them; It was about pregnancy and women's hormones. He said he doesn't understand but absolutely respects blokes who have been next to their girls all the way.
First of all our hormones change between the age of 10 and 13 when we get into the teenager period. We all go mad here, especially once each month from then on. For many many years.
Secondly this whole pregnancy thing, when the hormones creating in our systems do not only affect our body but our brains too. This is the hormone which programs our brains to protect our babies first and foremost and giving us the mother instinct or call however you want to call it. So we all go crazy yet again.
And once again, the menopause around our 50's.
So I have to admit we are kind of hard works, but to all the males out there a little advise: We are easier to deal with if you are nice to us. And it is a promise in the name of all women out there.

This is Szandra and Szabolcs above. Not long ago when we had a conversation with Szabolcs and told him how his words are echoing in my head from day by day he said -'Let's hope you don't go absolutely nuts but will stay cool and be just as a cool mother as Szandra was.'
She lived in the area where both me and Szabolcs did back home, we got to know her from there and from the clubs we usually went to. She has a boy, little creature who looks like Martin Gore with his golden locks and at the age of only two, he was jumping around smiling in his crib when his mother was listening Depeche Mode. How ironic and wonderful.
Rest In Peace Szandra.

23.

In the past days, for the first time I had to think about what if, for some reason I'd have to raise the little one alone. Obviously it's not the way and I wouldn't want it to happen especially cause I was raised by my mum and hardly got to know my dad before he died, so it's definitely not the best for the alien.
But, as it happens, things aren't looking too good at the moment. It's not like I'm sitting home all day, doing fuck all, but creating conspiracy theories which I can insult the loved ones with.
Some people probably  don't understand but women do need support this time. Support, and not lies and pains they cause... Then they show a bit of regret then rambling about how hard it is for them to survive my hormones. Guess what sunshine, I should know it better, I have to live with these hormones you know, and bear your lies and like what, can I not even mention how hurt I am, cause then I come across as that crazy pregnant bitch?!
It's not the way, really is not. I'm well sad, and the trust which flew out the window doesn't help at all.