Week 4. Still.
My mum came to visit on Friday. Originally we planned on picking her up from the airport with Lee and the bubba, but at the end I went alone cause the journey was about 2 hours plus the waiting time and the journey back. Would've been a hassle taking Lileeva, feed and change her on the airport or in Jackie's car, so she stayed home with Lee instead.
She had her first cuddles with Hungarian nanny, she even changed, bathed and fed her too.
On Saturday afternoon we went to the park for a stroll and a cheeky beer. Obviously my mum didn't let me push the pram haha! Later on that day Lee came over (Who slept at his parent's the weekend to make life easier and more comfortable for us. Mum slept in the bedroom and I stayed in the living room with Lileeva, just in case.) with his mum and we had a few drinks together and played Frustration! which was funny, since my mum doesn't speak English at all. Anyways, booze and board game did the job.
Mum reckoned Lileeva has wind problems and even though Infacol is for this reason, she blamed that, so I started to put it in the bottle instead of her mouth before feedings. Shouldn't have.
From Sunday to Monday I haven't at all slept, cause baby was up all night, screaming from trapped wind. Bless her. I had to wake mum up at around 07-08am cause I couldn't handle more, Lileeva was in agony since midnight, making me going mad with her helpless cry. It's horrible not being able to do anything. I tried to stay calm all night/morning though, tried not raising my voice, cause even though she doesn't understand what I say, she still notice the change of how we talk to her, and in already agony it's the least can help her.
She calmed down for about 09-10am and at midday Lee's mum came to look after her, while I went to the airport with mum.
Was a good thing having her around, even though Lileeva has grown quite some already, at least she could see her while she is tiny. We don't yet know when are we going to be able to visit her and my nan back in Budapest, so at least one of them seen her while she's still little.
She told me I'm a good mum, just what I needed to hear after a hard night. She also kept telling me how much he loved Lee already, but now she loves him even more, cause she sees on both of us how much we love each other and our baby. Happy that it comes across to others as well. Aww.
Week 4.
So this heating up the flat properly does work. Even though Lileeva always felt cosy toasty under her vest, grow and blanket, it probably wasn't enough for her.
During the day we normally have her sleeping on the sofa, next to us while Lee is playing Xbox and I'm on my laptop or doing bits and bobs. Prefer it this way, so she can see us when she wakens, rather than see only the sides of her Moses basket. For the first time she cried out while she was still asleep on her tummy, so Lee, who was sitting next to her, turned her on the back said 'Don't worry, we are still where you left us.' haha! This seemed to have calmed her down. Still, she usually falls asleep in our arms, unless she drops during having a bottle.
By the way my friend Molek says, she's starting to look like me, apparently she has the same look in her eyes as me. I still see more Lee in her though, but I reckon it's cause she's usually having her eyes closed during some serious amount of sleep.
She had her first bath with daddy this week! Ain't going to lie, I was freaking out! I trust Lee so much, but Lileeva still isn't sure about the bath thing and screams and wriggles a lot. I kept telling Lee off how to hold her and not to drop her, and the result?! Me splashing a bit of soapy water in her mouth (Johnson's baby night time bath. Harmless, but still...) and almost dropping her trying to get her out from the bath and wrapping her little body to the towel quick-smart. Well done me!
Anyways, she was all fine after, throw up a couple of times, done a massive poo (The third for that day. She usually does one daily.) so her little system is all clean.
The reusable nappy thing works good as well. We are using disposable ones for nights, only one or two a day so that's alright. Hopefully she starts to get in the habit soon when she poos on mornings, so we don't have to mess with curry looking textile nappies and can stop using the liners in the reusable ones. We still have quite some liners left though, so by we use them all, she might get in the habit... (Under 'we' I meant 'me' cause Lee doesn't still get the hang of the washable nappies yet, but sooner or later he has to, hah!)
We bagged the newborn clothes (Which came really handy, even though I though we won't be able to use them, cause they are super tiny!) and started to dress her in the 0-3 months sized. They are still massive, especially the grows, but the vests are alright... Mainly cause the washable nappies triple her bum size haha.
Health wise: Good! No more fanny-punches! Might be time for some sexual activity soon haha.
My back is killing me though, in serious need of a massage but that's a job for my mum I reckon.
I'm back on smoking unfortunately (Not in the flat but strictly outside!) and since we are both washing our hands and faces after each fag, we have some seriously dry skin condition. Cocoa butter to rescue us.
Mood wise: Better! I'm still stressing a lot, and as I said above, telling Lee off for stupid things, but luckily he doesn't take it serious. He is really understanding and this I can't thank him enough!
I still have issues though, but we went through them so that's cool as well. I mean, it's hard to do everything by myself, like making Lileeva's food up while she's screaming for it, wind her, change her, calm her and rock her to asleep, then in the remaining couple of hours while she is out of it, wash and sterilize her bottles, wash her nappies, wash my and Lee's clothes, make food for ourselves, do the washing-up, have a shower... And so. He got the point and joined in with the bits of house-work too. Everything is so much easier when it's two of us, in a view of one of us can hold and entertain the bubba so she ain't screams while the other makes the bottles, for example.
I've been pretty calm lately with Lee around, could even manage to get some sleep when it was 'his night' of looking after our daughter.
Lileeva: Even though they say babies are unable to see til week 6,
unless you hold their proper close to your face, I'm pretty sure she does
see things already. She loves the pattern of the throw on the sofa,
looking straight at us when we talk to her, and trying to reach for the
lamp/light.
She also tried and gave us little grins already, which
apparently they aren't supposed to be able to do until they are 6-8
weeks old. Proof of her being a smart little muffin!
I previously said about her being a fussy eater. Well... She became messy as well! Also, she doesn't usually just stop half way through the (Too cold?!) bottle, but whenever she does a poo she cries not just for the rest of her bott bott, but a little bit more. Reckon she always have to have her tummy full to be a satisfied little pea.
All in all: A calm first half of our 4th week. From tomorrow til Monday my mum will be over from Hungary so that means plenty of cuddles for all of us, but mainly for Lileeva.
Week 3.
I had my blood test repeated and since didn't hear from my GP assume I have no problems with my iron, liver and sugar. So that's done for a while.
Lileeva had to get another blood test done (Bless the poor thing!) cause her results came back high for the thyroid thing. Luckily the woman called me a couple of days later, saying all is good, so no more tests on her for time being. Yay!
We got our tattoos done with Lee, but have posted about it already.
One night Molek came around, we had a good chat and a few ciders. He brought Lileeva some crystals, a nice combination for keeping calm, and good vibes.
Another night Big Lee and Darren popped over, we had a few drinks and had a blast of card and board games. Can't wait for my girl to be big enough so can play these with her. Ah well, few more years to go haha! I do hope she's going to enjoy these old school games just as much as I did and still do.
The weekend Lee went back to work and I was terrified how will I cope with Lileeva alone. The first night was alright, she didn't scream much and only woke up for feeding in a few hours. She was moaning from time to time, but finally fell asleep on my shoulder the little weirdo!
The following morning/early afternoon she started off though, don't know why. Lee was home and made her calm down before he left for work, but it didn't last for long and I had hell of a night. She stopped half way through her bottle, cried, I changed her, still cried, tried to give her the rest of the bottle, fell asleep for half an hour, but just as I was going to curl up on the sofa, she started off again. Clearly didn't want to be in her Moses basket, so I ended up sleeping with her on my chest, uncomfy, but hey, at least could get a few hours of sleep.
Probably didn't help on the situation that I started to use the washable nappies on her the weekend too. She doesn't like the idea of it. Kind of understand her point, the disposable ones are super absorbent, while the textile clearly ain't as good, and leaves her bum bum wet and makes her scream. Also, even the newborn size looks uncomfortably big, but triple checking it every time I change her and it fits properly, so all good. By the third day she started to get used them too, I think. Still, I might be using disposable ones for peaceful nights and when for we go out.
As of sleeping on my shoulder... I noticed she likes to lay on her stomach, so done a little research, even called my mum. I know lots of people and studies say it can be dangerous, but on the other hand if she feels comfy that way, why not?! It also reduces the chance of her getting ADHD and noticed too that she doesn't jump as much that way. I'm having her sleeping on her back while I'm asleep anyway and only putting her on her tummy during the day when I'm able to keep checking on her. Just in case.
Health wise: Only a tiny bit of bleeding, and not as strong fanny-punches than before, so this means less and weaker painkillers. Whoop!
My appetite is back, so started to eat properly at last, as well as putting some weight back, my stomach ain't as sunken as the first week. I've been doing daily sit-ups as well, but it's something I should've done years ago, so...
Oh and since I'm properly healed I had a good old shave and finally saw what I'm doing down there. Little things what make one's day, eh?!
Mood wise: I still don't think I'm 100% stable. I feel schizophrenic from time to time, letting a little shout out when she screams, then cuddling her crying, telling her sorry and that how much I love her. It's awful.
I try to be the best for both Lee and Lileeva, but whenever she cries or see Lee being tired I feel like a massive failure cause of letting them down. (Lee cheered me up though with saying I'm not, cause I care and I try. I'll try and keep these in mind, next time I feel down.)
I also might be developing OCD. When I have some free time I tidy the place, do the washing, or like the other day, sorting my socks and pants out for close to 2 hours! Scary.
Another thing is; I keep hear her crying, even though she isn't, and/or not even in the flat but is out with Lee. This must be normal mind games of the beginners, just like how we were jumping the first week every time she moved.
I still sleep tense as well, I wouldn't even call it proper sleep, cause I'm always aware what's going on around me.
It's just all really new and have to get used to each other I reckon. It's like when getting into a new relationship, takes time to adapt.
Lileeva: I noticed she rather stops half way through her bottle if it cools down, and ain't having it cold even she's still hungry, the fussy little thing! She takes it, but chokes on it, showing that she wants it but it ain't good enough for her, making me get up and re-warm it.
As before she usually cried when she wanted to be put down, nowadays she cries when she wants to be held upright or carried around.
We also noticed that she has a strong neck already! She tried to hold her head before as well, but when I first put her on her stomach, she pretty much straight away turned her head from one side to another (With a little bit of bouncing and struggle in the middle.) while still asleep, so it assured me that we have not much to worry about.
I as well started to think this freezing cold could be the reason of her night time screaming sessions. It's pretty cold in the flat too and takes a lot to warm the place up, but is something to try to make all of us comfortable.
All in all: We are getting better and better, and I'm proud of myself of managing to keep calmer when she screams and spend more time on learning and studying her, and what's the best for her instead.
Cause when she's happy, quiet and asleep, I am happy, quiet and can sleep too. Hah!
Week 2.
Ehrm... Can't really part it to days.
We went to register Lileeva so she finally became 'official'! They only needed my discharge papers from the hospital (Which only has my details on it.) and her red book, which is basically a record of her medical details. And my ID of course, and Lee's, since I wanted her to have his name too. I find weird that over here not many people decides about their babies' name until they have to register him/her. Even the midwives in the hospital were like 'Do you know what you are having? Did you think of a name yet?' haha well we had the names before we even found out what we are having. One would call it preparation, I call it love.
Then we went to get it copied to get our priority updated on housing, that's when we found out the council is keep fucking us around. They stated us as 'renting privately' even after my complaint and the visitor whom spoken to Lee's aunt, we are living with. So there went my Stage 2. complaint. Two more to go and I'm taking them to court.
Midweek I went to see the midwife, she weight her (3050 g ~ 6 lbs 11 oz) and checked my scars and blood loss; All fine apparently. She answered all our questions, then discharged me. My main worry was her feeding... She cried for food sometimes every couple of hours and we didn't want to feed her, in case we stretch her tummy, but as the midwife said it's pretty much impossible as they either don't drink the milk or simply puke it back up, and if she screams for food, we shall just feed her. Done. She suggested not to have her in the bed with us in case she gets too hot (They can't sweat yet which I didn't know, only to let the heat out through their heads. For this reason it's dangerous to let them sleep in hats.) so we started using the Moses basket at the end.
We also spent a day around Louise's. Not saying Alfie had much chance of bonding with his little cousin, cause Lileeva was sleeping mostly all day. Or screaming for food. Amazing how much of a difference 6 months makes when they are little. Alfie is so big and chunky, Lileeva looks tiny next to him.
I've been to my GP to get my blood tested but it showed that I have problems with my liver (Can just be them lots of medications I'm taking.) so I got an appointment for the following week to get it repeated. Also made an appointment for the beginning of January to register my girl and have her vaccinations done, just as my smear test.
Some woman came out from the hospital to take Lileeva's blood (Again!) because of her thyroid function. Was worth of staying in the hospital for 48 hours then, wasn't it?! Ah well...
As of the week before most of Lee's friends came over to see the baby, the second week my mates payed a visit. It was good to see them, and also to know that they are interested both in me and my little lady.
We spent the weekend at the in-laws cause you are simply not able to sleep in our flat due to noisy neighbours. It was good to get a little break as well, they wanted their cuddles with Lileeva so me and Lee could chillax a little. (Well, Lee had to give her some serious belly massage after a screwed up bottle with too much formula in the water, which made her constipated, but the second night was quiet.)
Health wise: By the weekend my stitches seemed to be healed properly so could finally have a proper wash! They said not to use anything in the area until it heals but water, cause soaps or shower gels would sting.
Milk almost gone, and the bleeding ain't too bad either.
Mood wise: Massive swings!
It was always Lee made her quiet cause I didn't have the patience for it. I've been tired all the time, trying to keep the flat tidy and when I could sit down she usually started off and I couldn't deal with it, just screamed back 'What's wrong with you!?' then cried realising how horrible I am. After all she's just a baby, she can't tell what's wrong, all she can do is to cry.
Lileeva: First of all she has Lee's skinny chicken legs! She looks like him too, but I knew this before she was even born. She has his mouth, but my shape and -for now- colour of eyes.
She's hiccuping and farts a lot (Me.) and snores (Lee.) sometimes haha! Not to mention her cute sneezes! She multiplies them then the end goes 'Aww!' like it was such a hard work.
She also has a little mole on her nose! We didn't know babies can get moles at that early age but it's definitely not a scar, that'd be gone by now.
She hates when we are in her face for long, kissing her (Me.) and likes to grimace. Also, she's a loud sleeper! Fidgets all the time and makes noises! Was hard to get used to it, but we are getting there.
All in all: We kind of got into a sleeping during the night habit with baths (Lavender night time baby bath by winning!) and regular ish feedings. This new Cow & Gate formula definitely works better and doesn't make her constipated. Yay!
So it's all getting better slowly. Only my horribleness to be worked on, big times! We want a nice loveable mummy, right?!
Our first few weeks flew by way too quick! I kind of understand now why been said they grow up so fast...
I'll try and sum up what's been happening but it's all becoming a big blur with time.
The first night at home was nice and calm, still, we didn't get much sleep. We jumped every time Lileeva moved, but I reckon it's normal at the beginning. We had her between us in the bed, she was a good girl, woken only for feedings in every 4 hours.
Wednesday a midwife came out to check up on us. Baby has lost weight (As it happens, 9 months worth of poo has to come out after all.), her Jaundice was going away and my scars were healing just fine, even though one of them was swollen a bit. We went to see some family, Lee's parents, granddad and cousins, was an all in all good day too.
But the night when the trouble started... Turns out SMA, the formula we bought causes baby constipation, however, we didn't find out about it until Saturday. And baby constipation is the worst a parent can imagine. She screamed the house down and we couldn't do much until the morning, apart from Lee massaging her little belly.
Thursday we went out for a walk over the park and bought Infacol on the way, it's a clever little drop given to the bubba before each feed and it makes them 'bring the wind up easier' aka burp. This was the day when my milk finally kicked in. Took a while. My boobs got massive, it was ridiculous, I could barely squeeze them into my 42F nursing bras! Since we got in the formula habit by then quite well and my nipples were still sore, I chickened out, and didn't start to breastfeed.
Friday another midwife came out to do some more blood tests on her. She said I just shall wear tight support bras every day and every night, and never to touch my boobs then so my milk should dry out in a few weeks. It kind of did by Sunday. Quick, eh?! No more Pamela Anderson, hah!
We gave Lileeva her first bath this night, she didn't like it, but calmed her down indeed. If I remember right, her belly button thing fell off the following day. Hopefully this means she's going to be a quick healer, just like me.
Saturday we took her down to the pub to meet with the men and to have a
chillaxed drink at last! I left Lee and his dad to get smashed together
finally and went home with my screaming angel. This was the night we
changed to Cow & Gate formula which we use ever since, and seems to
be working out for us.
Health wise: By the weekend my stitches started to itch and hurt way too much! I was still bleeding and it made it look they stitched me on a wrong place, I got highly paranoid. Lee offered and checked it out himself (After all he's seen our daughter come out of me, and the doctor snapping me so technically from now on anything could come, couldn't it?!) and he said it looked fine but swollen. Since it was during the weekend I couldn't do much about it, just popping my super Hungarian painkillers, which by the way, according to the midwife came to see me on Wednesday, is better than the one I got from the hospital. Also, a different feeling took over down there as well; We just call it a fanny-punch, sums it up really. They said I should heal in a couple of weeks time, well the first week certainly didn't do me any good.
Previously, while I was in labour, read a brilliant Hungarian article about how women's body change after pregnancy. One might be able to get back in shape within a year or so but it's hard work. I've never imagined otherwise, after all you had a little person growing inside you for 9 months who comes out, and your body needs time to shrink and to obviously lose the extra baby weight. And the boobs of course, possibly the only part of my body I was ever vain about but was ready to give it all up and breastfeed, regardless how they would look after.
Well, I have to say, surprise surprise. I'm slimmer than before pregnancy! Didn't yet have a chance to weight myself yet, but the tummy is definitely flatter than before. Even my boobs are smaller I reckon, but something for something, I don't mind. I finally like what I see in the mirror. Never would have imagined it'll happen after pregnancy, always thought I'll be a big blob.
Mood wise: Lot's of tears! Even more!
When Lileeva screamed I cried too. Then Lee took over of looking after her which made me feel guilty and a bad mother, and I cried again.
Then the guiltiness; Realising on Wednesday (After all Lee's family have seen our girl.) that my mum and nan only seen one photo of her yet, and she's the only one grandchildren... That's when I booked a flight for my mum (Nan doesn't anymore want to risk the journey.) for a weekend here with us.
Then looking at Lee and our daughter, and thinking how much I love them and the meaning they gave my life... So I cried again, of course.
Didn't help on the frustration that I wanted to keep the flat tidy, wanted to cook, wanted to keep myself pulled together, wanted to concentrate on the baby and on pretty much everything at the same time.
And I even pretty much cried every time an emotional shitty music video came on telly. Hormones!
All in all: Week 1. was a really hard work, harder than I'd ever imagine.
Got them done today. Both look a bit weird how my foot and Lee's neck are twisted, little bloody, red and swollen, but hey, what do you expect from a tattoo?! Love love love! So far this is my personal favourite. And wasn't even as painful as I imagined... (Can't really speak in Lee's name though.)
