127.

I know I've been writing about council quite a lot already, but in this post I'll explain all the hows and whys, our situation and how I've been treated.

Getting on to the council's housing list is only easy on paper, but there is still a point in your life when you have to think about it. Mainly cause you can end up renting a 2 bedroom flat for let's say £300-400/month with them, or for about £600/month with Housing Association (They work in corporation with the council.) instead of £900-1,000+/month which you'd pay to a private landlord.
The process is to fill in an application form and provide all the necessary documents, for example IDs, proof of address, proof of income and many more.
Then they have to check all your documents in about 2 months, whether they are real or fake. When they accept them, your case is passed to an officer, the person who deals with you from then on.
When that's done, they get in touch with you and send a council visitor out, who checks the condition you are living in and why isn't it acceptable for you any longer.
Then the visitor puts all your information in the system, which the council has to check and make a decision about how important it must be for you to get things moving; They give you a banding between 1 and 5. This usually takes up to a month.
Band A - Emergency (When you have serious medical illness and/or have to be rehoused immediately cause you have a missing wall for example.)
Band B - Urgent (When you live in an overcrowded household and in need of 2 or more bedrooms, have urgent health needs, moving in to smaller homes, involved in domestic violence and so.)
Band C - Priority/Homeless (Single young people leaving sheltered accomodation or care.)
Band D - General (When you live in an overcrowded household but in need of only one extra bedroom and/or have less urgent health needs.)
Band E - Reserve (When you are applying to move here from a different borough.)
When it's all done, you get your personal bidding number with the above banding, and you can start to bid for 2 properties a week. The waiting time depends on how high your priority is, it can take from weeks to months to years.
When your bid is successful someone meets you to show you the property you've bid for, and if you liked it, you can take it, if not, can keep continue bidding until you find something more appropriate.
Here I would like to say, council places might be cheap but they are shitholes. The whole idea behind it is that you are able to save up some money and make the best out of it yourself. Housing Association flats are usually more expensive, but nicer too. Speaking in generality.
The average waiting time for properties:

	Studio	One Bed	Two Bed	Three Bed	Four Bed +	Total
Band	Wait in weeks	Wait in weeks	Wait in weeks	Wait in weeks	Wait in weeks	No. of Applicants waiting (Sept 09)	Number of Lettings
Emergency	-	26	13	30	74	9	24
Urgent	-	52	66	75	157	1070	671
Priority	51	80	130	180	275	1847	770
General	165	190	-	-	-	5280	188
Reserve	-	138	-	-	-	7482	12
Lettings Total						15688	1665

So here you can see it takes quite some time. Now my story:
- I applied with the form and all the documents listed, on the 17th of May. After calling them for about 3 months and they were still unable to see my folder in their system, I went in to find out what's wrong. Turned out there were a few documents missing which they wouldn't have been able to tell me on the phone... Yeah right. Got that sorted immediately.
- Waited for another month or so just to find out whether or not I'm in the system, or even got accepted. Nothing.
I was hitting up the 4th month of waiting by then, even though it only supposed to take them 2 months to check up on me. I instead had to listen to their excuses about summer holiday and a massive back log. Like I cared.
Being 7 months pregnant, the clock was ticking, and they didn't even make the effort to have a look in my folder, therefor knowing nothing neither about my situation, neither about the fact I exist.
- On the 7th of September I sent my first official complaint against them. In the previous 4 months, I as well had to put up with all Lee's family and family friends being sarcastic about my application, since as the urban legend and all their experiences prove, applying as a single mum gives you more chance to get a place. Apparently.
I still rather stuck to my friend, Tünde's opinion, when she said it can be sorted legally, without any lies being said.
Quickly; There are 4 stages of complaints. Stage 1 to 3 take place in the actual institution on a higher level with each step. Stage 4 is a government matter when they order an official Gestapo next to you for free of charge, to investigate. He helps you and gets you a lawyer and an interpreter if needed if it's a matter of taking the institute to court.
- On the 30th of September I was ready to take my complaint to Stage 2, since I haven't heard from them in that 15 working days they supposed to respond. The complaint team have sent me a reply e-mail saying my letter must've been lost, cause they did send it out on the 9th of September. Yeah right.
The same day I got the unofficial (Meaning; Does not signed.) word document attached, with my unactivated bidding number, and the officer's name and number who deals with my application from then on.
When I called her, she said she already ordered a visitor to come out and check up on us, she can't do no more. I could. Got in touch with the visiting team immediately, and managed to have a visitor for Monday. Things finally seemed to be moving.
- 3rd of October, as her first family of the day and week, the visitor came. A 40-50 year odd African woman, highly unfriendly and unprofessional. The other thing was her English which was beyond hard to understand.
Anyways, she weren't asking much, weren't making many notes, instead fell asleep in our armchair (Snoring!) while waiting for Jackie (Lee's aunt, whom we're living with, and was at work at the time.) to call back.
She then tried to convince me to change my application to 'homeless' so they can put me, Lee and our baby to a hostel if Jackie really wanted us to leave after I gave birth. (It is a good option for those whom really do not have anywhere to go.) I refused to accept it, since we aren't homeless, we have money to pay a council flat's rent and, after all, I most probably already would have had a place to live by now (Technically speaking.) if the council didn't sit on my files quietly for an extra 2-3 months. She said she will transfer her assessment the same day, and if I'm lucky, I might be having my banding and bidding number activated in 2 weeks or a month time. But not to worry, I'll receive a letter about it anyway. Of course I will... If they make the effort to post it.
- Tuesday 4th of October, since the visitor wasn't making many notes the day before, my first thing was to call the council and ask whether she has put my information in the system, so the claim to get my bidding number activated is in progress. She did. Then I again requested to send me e-mails instead of post, but the receptionist couldn't guarantee that so I just left it as it is, thinking I'll be keep calling them anyways from now on, if I needed information.
Later that day I went to see Tünde, who said she reckons I better go in and request a copy of the visitor's assassment, since I have all the rights to see it. It's about me, and my future depends on it. If it didn't cover the truth, I still could request to send someone out again. Also, to ask them about a log book where they register all their incoming and outgoing post, and which all council should have.
- Yesterday 5th of October I started my day at theirs. And what a start of the day, fucking hell!
They didn't know about a mailing log book at the reception, and wanted to send me off somewhere else where they might be registered, so I decided to get over with the assessment madness first. The guys at the reception said the best is to call my officer, since she was the one, who's in my case from head to toe and sees all the little details I might need. She's in, second floor, but her phone was going through straight to voicemail, and I couldn't and wouldn't anyway wanted to walk in to her office without any permission.
I kept calling her from the hall, and when she finally picked it up, most probably had one of the most disturbing phone calls she had to deal with that morning. Can only thank to herself though. I'm not an attention seeker person, especially not in public, but damn, I was standing in the middle of the council's hall, shouting, crying, screaming and cursing on the phone.
First of all, she refused to see me, even though I was in the building.
Second, she said according to the report there is something wrong with my files, and I don't live where I say I do (I have written proof from her manager -as a reply for my complaint- that all my documents are valid, therefor my proof of address too.), she doesn't know what's what and won't even be knowing it for quite some time. (Weeks perhaps.)
Thirdly, technically, they do not have to share any information with me, not even a written assessment about me.
All the bitterness, hormones, stress and insomnia of 4 months have came out of me and landed on her. Listening to her annoying attitude and hearing her getting pissed off didn't help on neither of us, then she told me to call  her manager if I wanted. I said I will, and I'll be sitting in the hall until someone finally sees me face to face, and tells me what the fuck is going on.
The manager wasn't yet in (-'Do you want to leave a voicemail?') so I eventually squelched out to the fresh air with my snotty face, and continued flooding the pavement with my tears, absolutely hopeless. I felt with walking out I've given it up, and lost the battle. Wasn't nice.
Woke Lee up with my calls, he couldn't say much, just to go home, leave a voicemail to the manager, and to try and arrange a meeting with him.
Called Tünde too, she said to do the same, but to send an e-mail instead, cause that's written and at least I'll have a proof of directing all my questions to the right person and it has to be answered, otherwise I can take my complaint to Stage 2 immediately. She also said I'm doing the right thing not to re-apply as a 'homeless'; They are only offering this option, cause that's the easier way for them to deal with my case, and with that they could cover their mistake of neglecting me for months. Not to mention if I keep bugging them they will have enough eventually, and will sort me out, just so I leave them alone.
Peeled myself off of the bench, got on the bus, when my officer called, asking if I was still in the building, cause her manager has arrived. Told her I wasn't, she put me on hold for about a minute or two while she was talking to him, then came back in line and said I shall be receiving a letter (-'Don't you understand I don't receive your bloody letters?') on Thursday, if I didn't, I can go in on Friday to see her and she'll go through with me about the bidding policy, and I'll be able to bid for properties. From Friday. This week. From tomorrow, yes.
Now now... I'm guessing the manager is on some serious salary and scared of losing his job, which would probably happen if I sent my complaint above him. Lee says, he reckons the fella got laid and was in a good mood. Either way, so far so good.
Again, how absurd the entire situation is?! I went in just to have a look into my assessment, and I ended up getting almost 5 months worth of shit sorted in an hour. I know it's not entirely my victory, more likely the cracks in their working system, and the fact they probably have so much to hide from me, but as soon as from tomorrow it won't anymore be my problem, hopefully.
No letter today though, so I might be having another round the morning, but this time I'll be bringing Lee with me too to keep me calm. Also, mark my words, if they put us in a low band (Lower than Band B.) I will be complaining my ass off until I get a place, without warning, being patient, or wasting more tears on them.
All in all, I have to admit I'm very proud of myself. Even if it took another year to find the place for us (It won't be that long, I feel it.) I know I've done everything I could for it, I gave my hardest so far, and will put all my energy in that flat to make it ours.
I will have the perfect little home for my perfect little family.

'After all you put me through

You'd think I'd despise you

But in the end I wanna thank you

'Cause you made me that much stronger

'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter'

Edit:

Saturday, 8 October 2011 11:38

We went in yesterday, got our bidding number activated on Band D - General, as applying and in need of a one bedroom flat, which we started to bid for immediately. Mainly just to have a bidding record in their system. (By law, every person in the household has to have their own room. A couple classes as 'one person', and and infant until the age of 7 (!) classes as 'half a person' and can live and sleep in the same room with it's parents. Therefor, if we did get a one bedroom place now, the mutual exchange could take up to 6-7 years, which would be highly uncomfortable for all of us. That's why -besides the waiting time- we don't even take the bidding on Band D - General too serious.)

When our little girl gets here, we have to go back with her full birth certificate and all the documents proving we're getting benefits for and because of her. Then so we will automatically (Let's wait and see.) will be put in Band B - Urgent, as applying for a two bedroom place. That's where the reality and the luck of bidding starts, and can take up to a year til we get to move somewhere.

Why?! Cause until then, for the council Lileeva technically does not yet exist.

Let me leave the above without comment.

126.

31 days aka exactly a month to go! Can't wait.

125.

Didn't even mention my dream the other day!
It was about me giving birth in the hospital's pool, mainly painless. Again! Then being back home in Budapest at my mum's house, having left my baby girl in the cot while sorting out lots of boxes, looking for toys for her. When realised she was pretty much unattended I panicked, but she was fine, wasn't even crying just laying awake in her Moses basket, that's when it hit me; She hasn't have been fed since she was born, for about a couple of days! I got her out, talked to her, and she understood every single word of mine, but since she was too young to talk her response for the question -'Are you hungry, little lady?' was looking at my chest and yumming cheekily.
She was a weird baby... A good weird I think. She was tiny, had blonde-ginger ish hair, and little blue eyes with an embarrassingly clever spark in them. Had one of those piercing looks, like she knew you inside and out without words. I felt a little dumb around her.
I reckon it has something to do with having my mind around the big moving already, and of course being scared of being a bad mother.
Can't quite remember whether I dreamt this before or after the scan though, but on the scan pictures all what you see is her massive head, looks like she has a big brain already! That scan photo reminds me of Brain from 'Pinky and the Brain' haha!
Aww my little clever alien.

I got a snowflake Obsidian from Tünde the other week, so at least it keeps the extreme nightmares away.
'A stone of purity, Snowflake Obsidian provides balance for body, mind and spirit.  It helps you recognise and release “wrong thinking” and stressful mental patterns.  Promotes dispassion and inner centring. Snowflake Obsidian can provide balance during times of change. It aids in seeing patterns in life and recreating them in a more beneficial way. It is a stone of serenity and purity, and can shield against negativity. It gives protection from physical and emotional harm.'

And here's my nephew Alfie. I was looking after him today for an hour or so while Lou was having bit of a 'me time' with her mum. He had his cleft lip operation yesterday, that's why he is covered with dry scabbed blood, bless him.
Anyways, we (Mainly me, cause Lee had to go to work.) got the flat sorted today, a few more things and we are ready for the council person to come out on Monday morning. Funny enough I was scheduled  for Tuesday, without letting me know the exact time, when the actual visitor called and said there has been changes and a swap over, so she'll be coming out with her hardly understandably African accent between 09am-11am on Monday instead. Still believe it has something to do with my threat. Chuffed! Hope all is on the go now...

124.

Yesterday's scan went well, Lileeva Jean has put on 1360 g ~ 3 lbs in the past month, weighing a total of 2342 g ~ 5 lbs 3 oz, all healthy, sucking away on her little thumb safe and sound.
Might be the medication and the stress over the council, but I somehow managed to lose 1 kg ~ 2 lbs in a week! Not complaining though haha! Wonder how much more will go down in this mad heatwave...

As of the council; I did not receive any kind of response until the deadline of yesterday, so I sent them an e-mail saying I'm willing to take the case further up, when the reply came; -'We are very sorry, the response for your complaint has been sent out by post on the 9th of September.' what a bunch of liars!
Anyways, after making a few phone calls, I finally managed to have someone to come out from the visitor team to check the state how we live. They obviously will be needing to put everything in writing, so this could take forever again.
That's why I e-mailed to the complaint team again, saying I'm requesting to send all their further responses out in e-mail too, within a week after the official letter has been post. If I failed to be informed by time about my status, I'll be taking the case further. In fact, if they won't be giving me a chance to bid for a place within the next month or so, I'll be taking it further anyway. This seems to be the only way to deal with these people, and since I have nothing to hide, why not?!
Not one of Lee's family members have said, that I'll be soon enough getting bored of waiting anyway, and I'll end up going in with a rucksack, putting my Hungarian accent on and tell them Lee left me, so as everyone else, I'll have more of a chance of getting a flat. They clearly don't know me, that's all I have to say. I mean seriously, why lie when I can kick the hell out of these services legally? I'm so lucky to have Tünde who's been here for ages now, and knows a lot about law and can help me out and make me brace and to stand up for myself and my family.
I'm just surprised, none of the above mentioned people have looked into these things, after all if we are talking about official institutes, we are talking about rights and orders, and they have their own rules for these situations. They are just lucky, cause as the examples show most people are scared to use them.
Funny. People's own fear is their worst enemies.

123.

I have to mention here, that I made my first ever poppy seed cake last Friday! Well... First ever cake really. Well chuffed! It's something my friend Tünde is good at, and ever since Lee tried it he kept bugging me for the recipe, so she felt responsible for helping me out and sharing the secret. Unfortunately she'll be moving to New Zealand in a month or so, but we had a deal of weekly visits and bakings until then. At least I'm out when Lee is still asleep, I'm with a friend who doesn't anymore work so would just be bored sitting home like me, and of course I'm learning to be comfortable in the kitchen. Useful and fun, what else a mum-to-be would want?

Something absolutely different; We were talking about marriage with Lee the other day. Again. We both are on the same opinion of it being just a kind of useless paperwork, but it still hits you on the soft spot when a person you love the most and want to spend your life with, says he doesn't want to get married.
It's not that I want to get married, it's just I don't want it to be said out loud. He said it would be pointless anyway, cause he classes me as his wife already, which I agree with; We live together, we have a cat together, we have a baby on the way. What else can you class as marriage?! A paper and a ring. So what? He didn't say it won't ever happen, in fact he said, one day when we are comfortable with money, we will have our own 'big day'. Also, both of us being previously engaged, we know nothing depends on the title, it won't change and/or make our relationship better, so is mainly money out the window which we don't yet have.
See, I wouldn't even mind getting married but I never wanted to be a wife. Something to do with the stereotypes I reckon, haha! I would want to have a day all about me, a girly day with a hairdresser, make-up artist, nice big dress and to be treated as a princess.
On the other hand; I had a day for myself, my Baby Shower. And what happened?! Been thrown in the spotlight I was just sitting in the corner not being able to do much with the situation.
Hah! Contradictions.
All in all, I think it's more likely something to do with the wedding dress(es) and to look buff and posh for an entire day, with the loved one. (Not like I'd be able to choose one out from all the gorgeous outfits.) Apart from that, -as gay as it may sounds- I'm being treated like a little princess every day by my boy anyways. Yay.

Edit:
Friday, 30 September 2011 23:38
My designer friend Katta just said, she can make the above dress for me,  if I wanted to. Absolutely forgot about she had dresses designed with the similar style for the catwalk, not even that long ago. Hah!

122.

Just a quick update before tomorrow's scan and council madness.
I had ups and downs this week already, and it's only Wednesday, hah! It's weird how quick and effective we pass our vibes and energy to the other with Lee.
The first couple of day offs he had, were hell. He was in the mood for no reason, woken up feeling angry, and without even saying a bad word you could just feel his negativeness in the whole flat. I tried to stay positive, asking what he wanted to do, made him food, sat with him quietly, and so, but he was still huffing and puffing, so just gave him a cuddle and that it was. Within minutes he was all cheered up and I, the other hand, wanted to kill myself.
This was on Monday. Luckily my friend Molek was visiting that afternoon, which I wasn't at all in the mood for obviously, but he brought so much positive energy with him, it gave both me and Lee a big boost.
It was until he left, then we were back on the couch watching him playing Xbox.
On this note I want to say, it has definitely something to do with this flat. Plain colors, empty walls... One  of those places you can rent out anytime. Which I'm not complaining about, but it's not the kind of home I imagine for myself. When we have a place I want somewhere we all love to be, sitting indoors not giving us the blues, but the boost. (Post 64.)
Tuesday the same thing happened, Lee woke up being in a mood and dragged me down straight away, and it pissed me off beyond belief! I understand he's working a lot, and have trouble with sleeping, but he should understand my life ain't as easy as it may seem, either.
I might not be working but I'm still stressing 24/7, my body is changing day by day, and of course here are the little but constant pains, the general discomfort, which doesn't let me sit comfortably throughout the day neither to sleep the night... And the fact the easiest tasks became hard thing-to-dos within the months, talking about hanging the washing to the clothes-horse, or picking up the cat's plate from the floor a few times a day, to feed her. Not to mention I have this little life twisting, tickling and turning inside me, making me wanting the loo every time I lay down. But that's the least. Aww.
So all this is happening, I'm being on my own 4 days a week, between the above mentioned walls, looking forward to spend Lee's 4 off days together, and all I get is negative vibes. Once, alright. Second time, not so much. He told me on Tuesday he gets his arse on gear and goes to sort his passport out, I told him not to bother coming home until he calms down, cause I don't need this. Was in a mood for time being, but I put my energy in the weekly cleaning (At least in something useful.) and by being half way through I forgot about all the beef. We stayed in that night, with our friend Big Lee around, but it was too hot and I got bored and uncomfortable of sitting on the couch again, so just went upstairs to sleep.
I seem to be sleeping a lot nowadays, probably making up for all the lost times and in advance for the soon to be insomnia with our bubba.

Today was much much more better! Lee was awake before me, so he went around to his pops where I met him when I woke up early afternoon. Spent a little while there, and was only one thing made me annoyed for a second; Lou's comment again about labour and -'Just wait, when it starts, the pain will make you think of 'Why the fuck did I want this?!' haha!'... I get the joke, but watch this space, the third time she says something like this I won't leave it without comment.
Just as, I have a feeling she will be nosey when it comes to how we are going to raise our girl. After all it's her niece, and she might be wanting to help his brother and I as first-timers with advice, and she might -let's say- tell us off, cause we will be doing things differently like her (Thinking of being strict and not letting our girl to watch much telly and stuff.) and that's one thing I won't be handling, not once. Advice, yes. Know-it-all attitude, never! Lee just nodded when I mentioned the above but I know it's going to be me telling his sister off if it ever comes to point. Hope it won't though.
Being nice outside (Meaning: Warm but nicely windy.) we decided not to go home (Meaning: Sitting in the airless boiling flat, bored.) so went to the pub instead. Even though we couldn't really afford that few pints of lager and few pints of soft drink, I think I can say we both had a lovely time. We were talking a lot about parenthood and our plans, how much we are looking forward for our daughter to arrive, and that even though it still feels unreal, how much we love her already.
It was nice sitting outside for a change, without having the telly on and just to chat. I told Lee that's what I want, us time, family time, talk, -when the lady is here- play, not just being next to each other but being together. He understood and agreed with the point, but both of us being lazy it clearly won't be changing much in the next couple of weeks. Just watch when the baby is here, I think that's when he will get his pep back, if I wouldn't be enough, she will be motivating him big times.
He said he wants to change one thing about himself for our daughter, which is showing emotions. I absolutely forgot about how much the lack of it keeps bugging me every now and then, probably cause I got used to not getting any of it. It's good though that he knows, he slowly has to start to show excitement and what not. He also has to start to make decisions, I don't want to be the only dominant person in this family, he has to start saying -'Yes' or -'No' instead of -'I don't mind/care'... It just won't work that way. Not sure though the importance of it sank into him yet, but if not earlier, he will grow into it, as we all will grow with our little girl.

121.

O.K. so I've been doing my dreads in the past couple of days which took me 22 hours all together. Just so it doesn't sound ridiculous here's bit of a background information; I have them for over 3-4 years so with all the color changes, and mainly cause of the hardcore bleaching sessions it was enough time for them to stuck together properly. As it happens, I decided to grow them out about a year and a half ago, so I didn't treat them, brushed them out (It worked with my 6 months old dreads a few years ago.), used conditioner, but mainly just left and ignored them. All in all, the roots were kept making themselves into locks, so it came quite clear that the only way is to get rid of them is to shave my hair again, but hey, I'm not 15 anymore and I do love my hippie hair, I'd just regret it at the end.
The other day I went on a mad thinking spree of bleaching them again, but not wanting to cause any more damage, I've decided to trick myself instead.
Always wanted to have cute little beads on each dreadlock, and putting them in will stop me dying my hair once and for all, but to grow the color out entirely. Will be weird once it starts to show though, no one seen me with my original colour for over 10 years.
Anyways, long story short; Beads in, side and fringe cut, side bleached, ends dreaded (First 8 hours session.) then had to re-crochet each and every locks (The second, 14 hours session.) and everyone who has or had dreads knows, it ain't easy, especially when you do it for yourself.

All this not even important to be honest, apart from the note of keeping myself busy and creative... And somewhere entertained.
So I had the telly on yesterday, pretty much all day in the background, cause wanted to concentrate on my hair instead of changing the music all the time, which I would've gotten bored of anyways. And there it was; Some talk show about last year's favourite program 'The Only Way Is Essex'. First I laughed out absolutely loud, cause though it was a joke. Then it started to sink in, and just stared at it in disbelief. Who doesn't know what is; A reality TV series of people live in Essex (Respect for the exception.) aka the orange women with fake hair, lashes, mouth, boobs, nails and hunked up orange men. All thicker than my cat in season. They however, call it over the top and stylish. I can't even describe it. (The picture below isn't from the show. But could be, really.)

So this crap has won BAFTA last year (None of the 'actors' knew what BAFTA stands for, by the way.) and were talking about the second season starting tonight. And the truth hit me; We are living in a society who's hungry and interested in something like this. And I'm not talking about the 20 odd 'women', I'm talking about the teenagers too. They think this is life. Bling, extensions and 'vajazzle' aka little diamond glittery stud stickers on the waxed and fake tanned gina.
I mentioned to Lee how shocked I was, and he pretty much lost it immediately too, saying yes, we seem to be the only one 'old fashioned' people remained.
We quickly had a discussion about raising our girl... As strict as it may sounds, I do believe we made the right decision. Now just to keep it.
No telly as long as we can make her not be interested in it. When it comes to the point, we're only going to let her watch 'intelligent' cartoons (Post 50.) which we grew up on. That with a time limit, let's say an hour or so daily, if she was a good girl. I'm going to try and read her a lot, draw with her, play Lego and puzzle and what not with her, and take her out to the playground or to the park quite often. Even cooking with her; I learn, she learns. Simples.
Me and Lee had bit of a jarring about his bloody X-Box though, I understand how much he loves it and that is what makes him relaxed after a long week, that's why I don't say much about him pretty much doing nothing on his day offs, just sitting in the living room playing it (Yes, it is boring for me, and yes, it does piss me off sometimes, the emphasis was on understanding it.) but told him, it should stop when our lady is here. Not entirely though, I just want the family to spend time together, and if we are just sitting next to him staring at the flat screen, she obviously will be interested in whatever daddy is doing, and will try and get into it sooner than later. Hope this thing won't happen, and Lee can brace himself only turning the big box on when the lady is asleep or out.
Either way, it's going to be really hard on so many ways, especially when she'll be with her grandparents or auntie; They always have the telly on, in the focus. And -no offense- not quite sure they'd even understand the issue I have with it. I reckon it's just easier to have the kids sat in front of the TV and not making much of an effort on entertaining them, when you have a busy lifestyle anyway.
I'll just try my hardest to raise her a clever little muffin, not one of those instant and stupid kids you have nowadays.

120.

34 weeks bump

'If you've been worried about going into labour early, you'll be happy to know that the vast majority of babies delivered at 35 weeks are born healthy and survive without any major problems. Your baby's lungs should be fully developed by now and any breathing problems can be easily treated.'
'Many women start to notice a tingling sensation or numbness in the pelvic region or pain as they walk. This may be caused by the pelvic joints loosening, ready for labour.'
Well... If it only supposed to start now, she could even be coming roughly 2 weeks earlier. (Post 105.)

119.

I know we still have many weeks to go, but rather sooner than later I put together the hospital bags already. Here's  the list I got my bags together from. Obviously added and took a few things for my taste.

Baby's:
- Grows (2 x newborn/premature, 3 x size 0-3 months.)
- Rompers (1 x newborn/premature, 2 x size 0-3 months)
- Baby blanket
- Mitten
- Hat
- Bib
- Pair of socks
- Disposable nappies
- Wipes
- Bum cream
- Jacket

 Mine:
- Massive hooded jumper-vest (To give birth in.)
- Oil for massage in labour (If the pool plan doesn't come together.)
- Lip balm (In case I chew my lips to bits in pain.)
- Not too wanted pants (For the messiness after birth.)
- Maternity pads (There will be blood.)
- Nursing bra (For feedings and to keep the boobies together.)
- Breast pads (Hopefully won't be using them much.)
- Socks
- Pj bottoms and a boxer to sleep in (You never know, it might be too hot for Pj's.)
- Vest to hang out and sleep in
- Massive shirt (Makes feeds easier.)
- Tiny travel shower gel
- Tiny travel toothpaste
- Ear plugs
- Tracksuit bottoms and a big T-shirt (Aka the going home outfit.)

Still need (Aka the ones I can't pre-pack, but will be whacked on top of the bag when the time comes.):
- Birth plan and blue notes
- Thyroid medication (If I don't forget.)
- Slippers
- Toothbrush
- Towel
- Pillows
- Snacks/fruits and energy drinks (Mummy will need the boost.)
- Chewing gum (Rather chew that in pain, than my lips.)
- Transport for baby (Probably in-laws will pick us up with cousin's baby car-seat.)

118.

I had a crazy dream last night again!
I dreamt about my mum a few months ago, that was about having a fight over rearranging/tidying my room or something similar. She wanted to beat me up while I was hiding behind my desk. Pretty much sums up our relationship, when I was a teenager.
Last night's was about having a male figure over (Ex? Or boyfriend? Someone nameless, faceless, that's how important his character was in the dream...) and mum was bitching about loud, of having the water splashed out on the bathroom floor after he had a shower. Not having a shower curtain this was an all time favorite too, of our fights when I was young.
Woke up feeling utter crap. I don't want to be like my mum. I don't want my gorgeous little monster to have these kind of memories of me when she grows up, it's awful! The worst thing is knowing of myself and that I'm slowly becoming the person my mum is, both attitude and bitchiness wise... Maybe not as hardcore as she is, but still, it scares me, and don't quite know how to put a stop on it.
All I can hope is that staying with the man I love will help me through things, so single parenting won't push me to extremity, like it done to her. (That's the only excuse she can get from me, really.)
Oh dear, I again sound like a heartless daughter. Brilliant.
Anyways, waking up next to Lee this morning offset my bitterness, it's always good to look into those sleepy-red smiley eyes, while having kitty purring for strokes on the duvet. That's my family and that's what I love really really much.
I'm still in need of a bad ass dreamcatcher though.

I also had one of the worst night sleeps ever the other day. I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions every now and then, usually night time, but this time it was beyond everything! I reckon the food I've eaten that day, and the fact that my metabolism has changed didn't help either.
So it was kind of like a constipation-contraction filled night for me, with added super hardcore heartburn and hurting knee joints. Slept about 4 hours, spent another 4 hours trying to fall back asleep, but just got up at the end on hysterical tears. Painkillers done the job, and milk seemed to be helping too (As long as I didn't lay down.), it was more likely the fact that I haven't slept for more than 5 hours in the past week or so, being bored and exhausted, not being able to relax, and knowing that I have 7 more weeks to go from this madness.
Luckily it got better within a few days, so I'm sleeping 9-10 hours pretty much straight in now, don't eat much, or when I do it's usually what I feel like (Junk junk junk.) and they don't seem to be giving me that bad of a heartburn.
I can only hope it stays like this in the next few weeks, and I'll be able to get plenty of rest before the baby gets here.

117.

Today I had to go back to the hospital for my usual harrasment.
Luckily I had early appointments, so I was over with the whole thing within an hour or so. I got Miss Piggy as the obstetrician (A Polish/Russian/one of those lady.) whom I've seen on my first ever visit, and highly disliked. She turned out to be quite nice actually, even though it was hard to understand what she was saying.
As of the doctor, I've seen a different one than the usual 'nice woman', but this one seemed to be O.K. too. Bet it all had something to do with the timing, and the yet not too crowded atmosphere.
Then I went to see my GP for the first time since I registered, like half a year ago.
Anyways, I called my midwife straight after, and we all decided of not going for home birth.
They made my decision easier with saying the same thing (All of them. Saying the same. Once and for all. Finally.) of at the end it's my body and my choice, but they do not recommend it, since even though no one is concerned about my health, they are worried about the baby's.
As of me I rather not chance it, obviously, especially now, when I have the following written black and white in my folder, by a doctor, confirmed with her stamp; 'DW Mr Dorman, she can have delivery at birthing centre and pool'.
We also have another growth scan dated for next Thursday, cause my bump is 2 cm ~ 0.8 inch smaller than it supposed to be this time. Don't think it's an issue though, especially knowing that the scan we had last time showed that our little alien is perfectly happy and healthy, but still... I weight myself as well, I only put on 12 kg ~ 26.4 lbs so far, but it should be all good, I still have a few more weeks to improve.

So yeah, we've been shopping the afternoon as well, went to check out the new sensation; Westfield Shopping Centre in Stratford. We purchased all the above from Boots and Primark anyway, but both of their branchs are massive, so there were a fine selection of clothes and dummies. (Baby bath is ordered from Asda.) I'm absolute in love with all the clothes we got, even though they are a little boy ish. Aww. Well happy. Now only more mittens and hats are needed, which we'll be getting from Lou, so we are finally 100% sorted with baby stuffs!
There is also an alternative kids shop in there for funky clothes, and Vans and Office sells quality kids shoes too. Not to mention the massive Lego, Puzzle and Party stores! We have to wait at least 3 years til we can have a good use of them though, but it's good to know we got somewhere to go for good clothes, birthday party stuffs and toys, which ain't making her dumber, in fact help her skills, or at least make her little brain work.

116.

On Sunday I had a surprise Baby Shower organized by Laura! Her and my other friends done it all behind my back; A few of them got me out of the flat the day, and brought me back a couple of hours later for our flat being all decorated and filled with family and friends. I don't even know how did they manage to fit this many people in the living room. We had lots of food, drinks and even more presents!
Not many grows, but baby blankets, a changing mat, nappies and little bits like wipes, oil, creams, baby powder and so. Just what we needed!
I've never been on a Baby Shower before, I couldn't even do anything with the situation, not the kind of person who can be in the focus of attention, or can act 'normal' in a situation like this. It was proper touching and my nerves got the better of me; I was all blushy the whole day. It was awesome though, made me feel absolutely loved.

Yesterday after cleaning, we rearranged our front room, only moved the sofa and armchairs around, but it gives us much more space, so we actually could manage to fit the pram in comfortably.
Today Lee called the council to find out what's going on with our case, and guess what?! We are finally in their system! Just about time... They'll be contacting us in the next couple of weeks and have someone to come out and check how we live, aka whether or not we are lying. When this happens, we can even drop hints about knowing for difinite that there are going to be a few available 2 bedroom properties in the area the near future, cause family friends are moving out of the borough or for example Lou is getting rehoused from a stairy ground floor 2 bedroom to a step free 3 bedroom.
She also said staying in a hostel wasn't as bad as we imagine, but I still wouldn't go for that option if we can stay here for a little longer. Although, as it happens, Jackie has been talking about wanting to move back soon ish, so see how things go. I still have faith in getting a place in either this or the beginning of next year...

115.

I was awake for over 20 hours yesterday, doing the drawers and organizing Lileeva Jean's closet. Damn, she ain't even born yet and has more clothes than I do. No lies!
Sorted her little outfits, they are all hanging nicely on a rail, and every items have their own drawer now; The tiny newborn grows and rompers which I'm well concerned about fitting her, the 0-3 months grows, the 0-3 months rompers, the socks and leggings, and last but not least, the blankets and bibs. They just fit though, so probably have to rearrange my and Lee's pants and socks drawers if we're getting many more stuffs haha!
So that's that, the master bedroom is 100% ready for her.

114.

I watched a program about IVF treatment not long ago... I obviously heard about it before, it's just something you don't really think about unless in the need, I suppose. As you all know, until recently (12th of March this year to be precise.) I believed I won't be able to have kids, and for some reason IVF never came to my mind, and it has nothing to do with my imperfect previous relationships or my -relatively young- age.
So in the documentary I watched, the age was the issue, the woman was almost 60 years old and decided with her partner to go for a baby. Even though we are talking about an English couple, they had to travel abroad cause in the UK you can't get this treatment done above the age of 45.
The Polish clinic was the winner, with the right egg donor and everything. Perfectly makes sense, but I didn't even think about that you have to go through many folders to choose the egg(s) with the most quality and attitude of yours. For example this woman's terms were mainly for the donor to be blonde haired and blue eyed. After trying and trying they had a baby girl at the end, and guess what?! She looks Polish.
No offense, I have quite a few Polish friends, they are all unique on a way, but most of them still has similarity in their bone structure on their face, especially around the eyes. I mean, you can easily make a difference between a typical English girl and a typical Polish girl. It's not bad, in fact nature's brilliant ways. I'm tempted to make an example with pictures, but I don't want to use any of my friends' photos, in case they'd get offended by the term of 'typical'.
Anyways, it made me wonder whether or not I'd go for IVF if I was in need. I've written about adoption somewhere at the beginning of my blog (Post 11.), I'd be scared of not being able to love the little one as my own, so that's a massive taboo.
As of this egg treatment... It's more personal, after all you carry the baby out yourself, with all it's ups and down, so you grow to appreciate both the baby and the fact that you are having one. But back to nature; Until it's born and grows up, you don't know who's genes will be dominant in him/her. What if the dominant genes are from the 'mum's side' aka the baby would look like the egg donor, a complete stranger?! Even knowing I carried out and raised and am it's mother, I'd feel a bit weird about it.
I know, it's not the whole point, but it's something you think about. Even if the egg(s) would be from my close friend, I would see her and my partner in the baby, not me and him. Call it selfish, but it'd make me feel uncomfortable.
The another fertility treatment which leaves me with doubts is when you get your own eggs treated, so you can have twins or triplets. It's not as harsh as the above, it's just... What for?! Agree, it would be fun to have a couple of look-a-like babies, especially if it's one of each, a girl and a boy, but let nature decide for god's sake.
Ah well, as I said, I've never before considered or even thought about any of the above, and luckily, as the example shows I don't even have to.
Just can't wait now for our daughter to pop her little head out, so we can finally push aside all the guessing and see for ourselves who she's more alike.
50 days to go. Yay!

113.

I'm having a super active-creative-productive day today.
Woken up at 0730am after not much sleep, all I remember is fidgeting and being awake all night. Went to the hospital to get my blood taken, cause I have the usual appointment next Wednesday. I'm stressing in advance, I hate those hospital people...
After the blood check I went to Stratford to buy a couple of steel labrets, cause the silicone bars in my cheeks slowly got thinner and thinner, until one of them finally broke last night. While waiting for the salon to open went to the pound shop to stock up on some junk. I know it's not good, but I seem to have cravings for crisps, cakes and chocolates and don't even feel like eating anything else nowadays. Besides fruits...
I'm doing colorful fabric linings into our daughter's drawers. We bought these rattan seagrass drawer sets for her grows, only thing they ravel a bit which ain't too handy if it comes to baby clothes and sensitive baby skin. So I decided to cut up a few of my T-shirts which I'm not anymore using, and make linings out of them. She'll have a white, a yellow, an orange, a pink and a purple drawer. And still not sure if all her grows will fit in there hah! Once I'm done with the sewing (Hopefully soon or at least tonight.) will be sorting out all her little clothes once and for all.

Been working on my Halloween costume in the past week as well. Took some time to get the hang of it and still not 100% satisfied, mainly cause of the shitty fabric paint I got. I had to go through the lines twice, and the color is still coming out after washing -by hand!- leaving a mess on the black bits, so I reckon it'll be a once-to-wear outfit. Shame, I really wanted to wear at least the leggings after Halloween too. Anyhow, I'm done with the vest (Front and back.) and the leggings (Front and back.) too, so only the arm bits to go which I'm sure I'll be done with on the weekend, or the beginning of next week.

All in all, I'm well chuffed with myself. Not only the clothes and the drawers are turning out O.K. but it feels good actually doing something with my days, even though we are only talking about buying piercings and doing some washing between painting and sewing.

112.

We are overloaded with 0-3 months baby grows, it's unbelievable! Not complaining though, cause so far we spent pretty much nothing on baby clothes. Luckily friends and family members have given birth not too long ago, and they donated all their baby's outgrown stuffs for us. Lee's colleague just given us a massive bag of punch cake colored newborn grows yesterday.
It's just the thing I hope we won't be getting many more, cause we already have at least one outfit for each day for the first 3 months, and I'd be sad not to be able to use all of them at least a few times. What from then on I don't really know, probably will go on a mad 3-6 months and up, funky grow and clothes shopping, possibly from here or here. She just has to have a few mad outfits.
Reminder of what we still need before her birth:
- Changing mat
- Bath
- Towels
- Mittens
- Hats
- Socks

Oh mmm punch cake, I want some. It's like carrot cake; Don't think I could ever be able to overdose on them. I have some serious cravings nowadays as you can tell.
On another note, this whole thing is becoming less and less joyful. I'm tired all the time and aching constantly. Absolutely powerless throughout the day, have no motivation for doing anything, not comfy sitting on the sofa or on my birthing ball, just can't wait to lay in bed but after a while it becomes uncomfortable too.
At least my sleeping patter seems to be set in, I usually go to bed between 11pm-01am, wake up between 06-07am for a wee, struggling to fall back asleep until Lee gets in the morning, and sleep again from 09am til about midday.
I've never been the kind of person who liked to lay on her stomach (The boobs perhaps.) and not a big fan of laying on my back either, so I didn't have too much trouble getting used to the pregnant position(s), only feeling bad for Lee a little bit, cause of taking up so much space. I'm a starfish anyway but now I take over 2/3 of the bed if not more, and using 5 pillows leaving Lee with only one.