283.

The glory of having my period back! As much as I was waiting for it, ain't going to lie, I kind of hoped of being pregnant already haha!
Anyways, this at least explains my horrendous mood swings, and hard time dealing with Lileeva on Sunday. Phew!
Kali planted the idea of ovulation calculation in my head the other day. I suppose it's easy to be obsessed about it if you're planning, so I won't even look into it. I don't want sex to be a 'job' or only a reason of getting pregnant again. It takes quite a bit of my willpower to stop myself, but I should and will just leave things to nature.

Since Lileeva saw Loki walking around, she started to climb up on the baby walker and is strolling around the room, all day long. When we tried to make her do it, she had none of it. This is the second time I noticed, she rather learns from other children than from adults.
This was probably the push I needed to pop into the nearby Children's Center and pick up a time table, which I meant to do for weeks now. Me having socializing issues should not stop me going, really. Especially since she gets bored easily at home, new atmosphere and toys can only do her good, not to mention she might even be able to make friends pre-nursery. Damn, I might even be able to make friends! I do lack of them. Also, these groups will keep me occupied. I figured I do need to keep myself busy, the lack of adventures in my life is one of the reasons for me being more and more screwed. Too much time to think doesn't do me well lately.
Lileeva also drank successfully from a glass by herself today! First time she ever tried it as well! I was contemplating buying a more grown up, leak-free sippy cup for her, but luckily it saves me spending on it. Woohoo!

I had an amazing day today by the way, the exact opposite of Sunday! We went to see Kali and Loki for a few hours the morning then both had a nap after getting in. I received my mum's package of szaloncukor variety (My favourite of jelly, gold wrapped marzipan and green wrapped rum and chocolate flavoured ones.), some teddies (My little mouse! Haven't seen him since I was a kid!) and a cute Santa hat. I put a Christmas film on, decorated the tree with some of the gold and green candies, then written all the festive cards for family and friends.
As cheesy as it sounds, this evening had a truly magical sparkle to it, and I loved every minute of it! No munchies, no Love Actually, but that lovely Christmassyness that I needed desperately.

282.

Lileeva and I have had such an off day today. We were on a proper different level and just couldn't deal with each other. Might be my hormones or her teething or what not. Thankfully Lee was around and saved me, although he assisted only one of the fits. On days like these I wish we had a soundproof room with a punch bag in the middle. Say no more. I truly hate days like these.
No secret that I'm dealing with quite a few personal issues, which I'm not going to state here, on a public blog. These are issues only with myself though, not with others around me. Still, some of Lileeva's behaviours are the biggest triggers out of every others. But at the same time, I have to admit, she is the only person in the whole wide World, who allows me to forget about them all, even if it's just for a second. Regardless the days like today, she is the one who makes me the happiest in this entire Planet.

On another note, we put up the Christmas tree this afternoon. Quite decent, even if I say so myself. A pre-lit 6 foot fake tree, not my favourite choice, I'd prefer a real one, with pine smell instead of plastic, but definitely less of a hussle. The decoration is lime-gold this year, to match our green-yellow living room. I don't have a decent photo of it just yet.
Kind of thought today is going to be the one, when I'll have my moment of Christmasness, snuggling kitty up on the sofa under a blanket, with a jug of hot chocolate, some biscuits and Love Actually, after putting Lileeva down and while Lee is out on his 'day off' at his mates. I'm way too worked up for it now though, and usually by most of the evenings come, I just can't be bothered with anything, apart from monging at my laptop then crash to bed.
I'm going to have a calming bath, wonder about the meaning of Life, then hibernate until... Tomorrow.
My moment of munchies and loveness is yet to come!

281.

Today I received the last bit of Christmas present, finally! Only a couple of more to go, but I have to pick them up from my friend on Monday so I'm not too worried about them.
Of course, yesterday the fairy lights went off in the living room, can't even fix them so was going to pick a new set up today, but the shop I went to didn't have any. I took Lileeva's off, cheeky I know, but it was hanging from her lampshade anyway and looked a bit funny.
We are putting the tree up tomorrow, I was going to do it today, but Lee wants to be a part of it, as a family activity, which I'm really grateful of!
I've also done the last bit of Christmas shopping today. It is the last, really, I'm not willing to spend any more money on baking gear this year. Well, not before Christmas anyway. Not sure when will I have the time to bake everything, because Lee is working until the very last minute, and the cakes have to be fresh for the 24th and 25th. Plus I have our dinner to look after.
Getting quite anxious, honestly.  This is the first real family Christmas for us! I can 100% relate to this year's advert from Asda.

280.

We are officially on round two. I say officially, cause we do speak about it to others now.
We agreed on probably wanting another child at some point in the future and being realistic I found that now is better than later. Took a little while to convince Lee, but being a pushy nightmare I managed to do so haha!
I think the smaller age gap between them would be better, especially when they get a bit older. They can play together, have similar interests, can go out partying together... Hopefully the attention seeking and jealousy fits won't really be issues either. We will see.
In my case, it makes more sense, that's why I pushed Lee into it. Getting pregnant straight after going back to work and having to do everything from the beginning would be foolish in my opinion, kind of 'getting it over with' sounds wiser. Not sure about the stress and my ability of coping, but I will never know until I try.
I got my implant taken out a month ago or so. It's not like we are planning to have another baby with all our will power, more likely we are letting our chances. We also decided, regardless the gender, it will probably be the last one. No secret, we would have preferred a boy first then a girl, only for the theory of the older boy looking after the younger girl when they are teenagers. That's about it really. Since I had Lileeva though, I grew to prefer girls. Optimal would be having a boy for next, one each and all that, but, to be perfectly honest, I might would like to have another girl.
See what the future holds for us.

I put Lileeva in the Manduca carrier after months! The last time I had her in that was during summer and she hated it, screaming throughout the entire trip to Tesco and back. We both are quite comfortable using her little pram, but I wanted a change today. She wasn't fussed, in fact almost fell asleep in it on the way home from Lee's parents. I had her on my front, and damn did it make me feel broody! I miss my bump!
I have bit of a lower abdominal discomfort lately but it can be from so many things, so I don't have my hopes high haha! I might've consumed dairy accidentally, or my day of detox, regular exercise or simply period pains. The latest is the most likely, however I'm not entirely sure. I haven't had my period for two years this February coming, and I totally forgot about my cramps' intensity and stuff. I really don't miss them though, obviously.
I do not want to rush anything, as I said we are not in a mad planning spree, but I am definitely ready for pregnancy number two.

279.

I love my little chops! I've written about children's purity previously and it still melts my heart.
Lileeva keeps feeding us, trying to share her juice with us, giving me 'my' favourite toys of hers and so on. She is simply amazing.
Also, she tidies her toys and puts her dropped pieces of food back into her plate, just to pick them up again and eat them, plus she religiously closes doors, sippy cups and everything  else she is able to. I wonder whether or not I'm taking my 'OCD' house work onto the next level,  but at least she is learning the 'good' stuffs over the 'bad' ones. So far.
She knows exactly when she's doing something she's not supposed to; like playing with the wires. Every time I tell her off, she tries to sell herself as playing with her nearby toy. So cheeky!
We still have off times, we will forever I suppose, but I do try and control my snaps. Especially hearing the neighbour shouting at their kids is a big slap from reality. I don't care if they hear me, because when I shout, I usually have a good reason to. I'd like to believe so, anyway. When, for example after telling Lileeva off five times for chewing on the plugged in phone charger and she keeps on crawling back and doing it, then yes, I do lose it. Or get the amp with her, when she's screaming for no reason. Under no reason I mean for another peace of calendar chocolate or when I put her aside in the kitchen, so she won't be able to reach the hot oven door.
Now I haven't met with the downstairs neighbours and their kids, but s/he is probably not in any sort of routine, even though s/he sounds older than Lileeva. (I'm not a stalker. They are Africans, hence you can hear every single thing that they are up to. Do the maths.) They come home around 10-11pm ish every day, the kid is screaming about midnight, the dad shouts 'Shut up!' and the kid cries even louder. Going to sleep to that daily makes me bear things in mind and I have the aim to raise Lileeva with a calmer manner. I'm not 100% there yet, but I do try.

She is growing up fast. Seeing doing pretty much everything by herself, makes me very happy. I know we still have a long way to go, but she is very independent and incredible alert. You just try hiding anything from her! Simply impossible.
I'm not looking forward to Christmases when she's older haha!

278.

Oh my god, how could I forget?!
It's usually either of us doing Lileeva's bedtime routine, never together. No reason behind it, just that's how we work around things, trying to have a fair share in everything that involves her. Tonight it was my turn: Bathed her, put her in pyjamas, fed her, then put her down in the cot.
That's when Lee walked in, to say good night to her, with me still by the cot too.
The way Lileeva looked at us was so precious! She had so much love in her eyes, even Lee noticed it! I never saw her looking at us like this, it was such a beautiful moment, I hope I can keep it in my mind forever!
We should make a habit of putting her down together, it clearly made her very happy. Not to mention, after being so scared of her disliking me (See my post pregnancy entries from a year ago.) it made me certain that she does love me! Yay!
These little things, that words can't describe, make parenthood simply the best thing in life.

277.

A great mess of thoughts ahead.
Lileeva is definitely a meat eater. (Phew!) It's not like I'm stuffing her face with meat all the time, but I give her the option, just how I thought I would. (Post 85.)
I made gulyás today and within minutes the beef was vanished from her plate! She does the same with anything that includes frankfurters and bacon, just picking them out, leaving the rest last.
She also goes mad for pasta, but has a strong dislike towards cheese. And, I discovered today that she's a bread lady too. As soon as she saw my lunch of chicken roll, she refused to eat her fruits, but kept pointing to the direction of bread rolls.
Lileeva is going to be a 'talker'. Apparently they either walk or talk first. While Loki is 11 months, very physical and already walking, Lileeva only stands and cruises, if that. She got lazy since discovering the magic of crawling, and wouldn't anymore take steps or even stand for long, while holding our hands. But, on the other hand, she learned a new word: daddy. Now everything is 'daddy' or 'what'. 'Mamama' only when she's angry.
She also kisses now. Very rare, and not so keen on it, but opens her mouth wide, coming for a full french but bites either our lips or nose instead. Naughty.
She takes the whole milk perfectly fine by the way! Kali said I could already have known that she is not lactose intolerant, because formula is made of cow's milk. Hmm, don't know. Milk powder can have different effects than milk I suppose. For example I can't handle cheese or milk, but am perfectly fine after having cream on my soya Starbucks and a chocolate coated marshmallow twizzle. Anyway, she's able to take milk and got to like it quick so we're ditching the formula as soon as we run out... Which will be quite some time, since we only use a little, to mix the milk with.
Oh, 10 teeth all together. Don't know when did they pop out, but they are out and functioning well.
I went to a baby group today, and I got told I've got the perfect child, ha! Girls are meant to be easier than boys, but everyone were curious about my technique of making her sleep 12-14 hours straight, throughout the night. I suppose I'm just lucky that she takes after Lee, laziness wise haha!
I realised again, that she's tiny comparing to other babies. (Healthy, but has a smaller frame, and not as chunky.) I call her my midget, just for fun, but honestly, I'm greatful for it, really. Hopefully, mainly for her sake, it means she grows to be a petit lady.
And yes, I am a very lucky mummy having her. She is perfect to me, I love her so much!

276.

Official news: I am slowly becoming a mumsy mum.
It's freaking me out how much I love grocery shopping. Online of course. We monthly shop, and I just love comparing food's health factors and prices. I love organising and putting away the massive delivery and I love when the fridge and the cupboards are full.
I'm kind of obsessed with cooking and baking lately too. Wish I had more time and creativity on the cooking front though, so it's mainly baking for me. I'm bare thankful for Lee of subscribing me for a cake decorating magazine, just for fun. He got me hooked, and, to be fair, he comes out of the situation nicely too, with cakes on a regular basis.

I'm getting into the Christmas vibe. Not quite there yet, but very close. I put the lights up already, in the living room and Lileeva's room. The Christmas air-fresheners and scented candles are out too, and I'm planning our seasonal dinner and sweets. I'm more worried about the main course than the cakes really.
I'll be making 'Christmas soup', gammon and sausages. My family traditionally eats them with home baked bread, but I think I'll get Lee to make roast potatoes instead. If it doesn't come out quite as I expect, from next year I'll be making traditional töltött káposzta for our Hungarian Christmas.
As of sweets, there's going to be a lot. My parents are sending out some szaloncukor which will be put on our tree, just like in my childhood. I'll be also making chocolate cookies and will hang them up too as edible decorations. I'll be buying mézes puszedli (spiced honey rolls) in the nearby Russian shop, and I'm determined to make coconut balls, bejgli and maybe habcsók for the tree perhaps. These, and of course Christmas themed cupcakes.
And, hopefully, this year we will make it to Winter Wonderland as well, finally! Last year Lileeva was too young, I was just getting her in the routine (Nightmare!) plus taking out a bottle fed baby is always tricky. This time hopefully she can enjoy the bright lights and smells and we can have a nice, festive family outing.

275.

I've been going through my bookmarks yesterday and found my friend's, Kali's baby blog. I have mentioned previously, that before her son was born we were pretty much just colleagues, nothing more. However, since there's only a tiny age gap between Lileeva and Loki, we started to hang out more and became friends.
My point here is, that I wasn't at all part of her pregnancy, and reading her experiences last night, made me incredibly broody!
This made me think of Lee's words: 'The next child has to be conceived by God by the look of things. Well, at least we're going to raise Jesus.' I probably shouldn't put such things here, but damn did it make me laugh! Not to mention, he's right. We have very little time for each other due to me trying to live a normal, daytime life with Lileeva whereas he's working nights. We practically see each other for an hour or so daily, and sex is the last thing on our minds.

On another note, I was planning on doing a summary of Lileeva's first year. So many things have happened, from a tiny wrinkly baby who hadn't have an eye sight and hadn't been able to hold her neck up on her own, she went to an amazing little individual, eating by herself, trying to walk and talk, having her own little personality.
There are so many mile stones, yet I'm unable to put them together. Just like my pregnancy. I remember everything, but nothing at the same time. It feels like I just woke up yesterday to give birth, woke up today and she's one. I probably wake up tomorrow, at 60+, pop my dentures in and get ready for the weekend visit of my grandchildren.
Time is a fucking tricky thing.
Instead of the summary, I've tagged/labelled all my previous entries, so they are somehow in order.

274.

I'm happy they had the chance to meet. I'm also happy that g.diddy had the chance to see Lee, whom he loved and cared for as his son, settle down and become a father.
Chances are slim, but I wish Lileeva remembered great granddad Albert.
Rest in peace g.diddy!

273.

Sometimes I just don't understand why do people have to get involved in things they have no business with.
I had this supposedly close friend, we fell out quite some time ago, things like these happen. I told her until she fixes up and apologises I have no intention to be in touch with her in any form, however, I did message her once, asking whether or not she had anything to say. She hadn't. I did apologise for my behavior previously, and I expect the same. I don't take anyone talking to me like a dog, especially not a 'friend'. She obviously doesn't see that anything is wrong with her attitude, which is fine. At least I know, I did try to fix things.
But then why on earth is she still clinging onto Lee, texting him on Lileeva's birthday instead of me? Why on earth does she feel the urge to be a part of my daughter's life? If she really wants to get involved, why do it slyly instead of admitting of being wrong and sorting things out between us first? There is a history of common admiring (Yes, that way.) between her and Lee from before I knew either of them. Now I know Lee would never hurt me intentionally, however her behavior and the steps she makes lately are questionable.
I mean, it does come across weird, doesn't it? I might be wrong of course, but so far she didn't give me any reason to think any differently of her.
Funnily enough we fell out because she was jealous of me and her then boyfriend, whom she's not together with anymore. (This was way after we had Lileeva, by the way. Yes, ridiculous.)
Don't understand why do people have to be generally sly and nasty.

272.

I'm not the kind of fanatic who's taking photos of her child's face daily and uploads a super fast montage video of it on YouTube. Which, by the way, beyond it's personal meaning to the actual family, is only doing one favour to every viewers: Giving them a massive headache, or, perhaps, and epileptic fit.
However, I do snap a lot, so decided to put together a monthly, photo version of the above. Mainly for myself, cause as I'm seeing Lileeva every day, I tend to forget how much did she actually change within her first year.