331.

Lileeva made me very happy and all emotional tonight. She gave me the usual kiss, cuddle with a squeeze, then held my head, looked in my eyes and said 'Mummy, I love you!' all by herself, for the very first time.
These are the moments Life is worth living.

330.

I've spoken too soon.
This potty training malarkey is insane and nerve-wracking. After the first successful day, Lileeva was back in her nappies for about two weeks, due to her illness. Re-started this potty and toilet madness on Monday, and I've been in bitch-mode since.
She knows what to do, where to go, she's even able to hold it in for long period of times... She just doesn't want to go on the potty. Or the toilet. She would scream until I put knickers on her, but feels safe weeing in them when she can't hold it anymore, regardless of me letting her run around in her wet pants after for a little while. Clearly, this reverse tactic of making her feel uncomfortable doesn't work.
I know she is ready, she is just lazy, and wants to go for the comfortable version. Well, don't we all?! Anyways, I'm not giving up. It just might takes longer than I expected. Joy.
Lileeva is getting better in talking and chatting with us, but we still have food issues. Soon, I hope, that will get sorted too. I have a follow-up appointment with the dietician in May, and she expects Lileeva to be weaned off of her night time bottle by then. This simply isn't going to happen. The potty training madness is enough for now. When she's dry throughout the day, then there will be the time to reduce her milk intake and go for a cup instead of a bottle, in the hope of keeping her dry throughout the night too.
But it feels like we have a long way to go until then. Sigh.
Not to mention, then so we probably going to have to deal with her waking up throughout the night - Until she gets the hang of eating more 'real' food, and drinking less milk before bed. She already has this tendency lately of waking up in the middle of the night, once or twice a week, screaming, demanding to come and sleep with us. I know, caving isn't the right thing, but damn, I ain't no heartless, so we just let her...
On another note, she became very good at drawing. All she does is cover papers -and lately herself as a tattoo- with faces. That's my girl!

329.

After my concerns about the health visitor's accountability on Lileeva's speech and diet, we went to see both a speech therapist and a dietitian this week. Everything is fine luckily.
The dietitian was even surprised and impressed with my knowledge on the subject. She said everything I'm doing is fine, it's only a matter of time for Lileeva to snap out of her picky habits and start to eat more variety of foods again.
The speech therapist said the similar, apparently Lileeva will be starting to talk 'properly', in sentences within the next few months. For our happiness with Lee, she started to sound 'I love you too' lately. Bless. Also saying 'Okay' a lot, instead of simply 'Yes' and 'No's haha!
I also started to potty train her, which seemed to be a nightmare at first, but she got the hang of it quite quickly, and after an afternoon of puddle-wiping, she managed to do a wee in her potty.
Just so to get ill the day after, so we are back in the nappies again... Either way, I'm hopeful.
We decided with Lee, that we will have no more children. Not at this moment of time anyway. We wouldn't manage the stress, and we rather stay together than to have more kids and separate.
Maybe, just maybe, when things have settled and Lileeva is at school and we both have the desired job we want, we maybe bring the subject up again.
Until then, it's all about our one and only Lileeva-chops.

315.

We booked our Rome accomodation on Monday night. It took a while to choose a good enough place.
We had a budget, obviously, which wasn't the lowest by the way.
I wanted a central location so we didn't have to take public transport daily. The weather's going to be amazing and we will still have the pram so are planning to walk to pretty much everywhere. I wasn't too fussed about having a pool or included breakfast. However, we definitely in need of an extra cot, because Lileeva fidgets a lot so there is a chance she would roll off of the bed while asleep. I also wanted to have either an en suite or private bathroom, which is, as surprising as it may sounds, isn't the easiest to find. What we choose isn't an apartment, so doesn't have a kitchenette, but hopefully will have a fridge in the room where we can store some soya milk for Lileeva's night time bottles and well, for some morning coffees for me. It's located about 5 minutes from the Colosseum and has bit of a hippie atmosphere. Was surprised about Lee liking it too haha!
It wasn't expensive at all, in fact around the lower end of the price range, free cancellation in case we changed our minds plus all fees to be payed on our arrival. The manager has already contacted us within a day after our booking, offering a cheap-ass cab service from and to the airport, answering all our questions (Yes, they have a cot and a fridge in each room.) and providing a link for the weather forecast! We seem to hit the jackpot.

On another note, I'm still struggling with Lileeva's terrible twos. I'm simply unable to distract her every single time she throws a tantrum, which is mainly attention seeking anyway, or a fit due to taking something dangerous off from her. Sigh.
She keeps proving how clever she is as well. I don't just big her up because she's mine, others have mentioned it too, plus I see children around her age in baby groups quite often and they seem to be fooled easier than her. Example? Since she likes to chew on wires and playing with my phone, when I put it on charge I have a 'secret' hiding place for it... I had, for about a month. Now every time I for example let her play with my phone, when she got bored, she nicely places it to its 'secret' place. I never use that space, unless I'm charging my phone because well, it's super out of my way. We are also unable to play magic tricks with her anymore, because she instantly knows where to look for her 'magically disappeared' toy, regardless it's being under the sofa or behind our backs, she just knows.
Also, Lileeva's hair is long enough now to tie up in a pony tail, plus she nicked one of my horror themed hairband, with an eyeball on the bow. The pride of raising such an open minded child!
I love her so much!

314.

Hello period! One less thing to worry about, woohoo!
I'm really not surprised about the confusion my body had go through the past years. All the horrible things I put in it for years (Unhealthy food, alcohol, nicotine... Just to name a few.), then suddenly stopping a couple of years back, just to have the healthiest pregnancy I could possibly have. Then the high hormone dosed thyroid medication and contraception. Then the lifestyle change (Healthy food, less alcohol, no nicotine.), then withdrawing the contraception, then starting to exercise... No wonder my system is like 'What the fuck, woman?!'
Anyway, mother nature is striking, and I'm happy about it for once.
I can sleep fairly alright lately as well. I've given up on diet coke and ta-daah my sleep has improved. I drank copious amount of that stuff, no really, I have.
Just to rub it in; I feel super accomplished today as well. I finally got my arse on gear, stopped making up excuses, put my negative attitude aside and invested in things that will help me in my future career. The rest of my tiny savings is to be spent on my health and that oh-so-mentioned new workout routine. Being a superstitious chump, I don't want to jinx neither of the above, hence the reason I'm talking in riddles instead of stating what job I'll be going for and what workout I'll be doing.
I'm really determined and happy with myself, yes, regardless this bloody snow storm at the end of March!

313.

Teething toddler. Either that, or she's ill again.
Temperature, moodiness, tiredness, tantrums. We have the entire package. I do hope it's her teeth. That would mean the last four are on their ways so when they are out, we are done.
Birgit's toddler-mummy get together on Friday was well nice! I already knew a couple of mums there and also got to meet and make friends with a few others. Wine was flowing, kids were nicking each other's toys, mums were chatting.
Here I have to state: I officially became the type who gets pished after a few glasses of rosé. Hello classy (?) mummy style and good-bye Jagermeister necking party animal. I suppose we all have to grow up at some point.
Lileeva might be a daddy's girl deep in heart, but sure as hell she's quite similar to me as well. Sunday's baby rave was the perfect example for that. I wasn't quite sure how will she take the dark room, laser lights and pumping beats but as soon as we arrived she literally ran off, and no one could move her from the dance floor! Even when I tried she found her way back quick. Was a good exercise for me though, because every child was their parent's responsibility all the time, and since it was quite dark I had to stay super alert, running after her.
Anyways, my point is, regardless Lee likes it or not, Lileeva does have a little trippy-hippie lost in her haha!

312.

Lileeva is back on having only one nap a day again, which makes easier to plan our days ahead. Since there are no groups for my liking on Thursdays, I took her out to the park after breakfast, then being a lazy ass mum, we just stayed in the afternoon watching cartoons.
I popped in a good old Disney classic, The Lion King. 1994! That was 19 years ago, and I remember it's coming out! Damn, didn't it make me feel ancient!
By the way, another outsider mentioned on Wednesday's baby group, that Lileeva looks just like me. Finally! I know she will go through many changes, but I was a bit upset keep hearing she didn't look anything like me, after giving birth. Surely my all-over-the-place hormones back then didn't boost my self esteem either haha! Just to be clear: I didn't at all mind the fact, what bugged me was that people kept rubbing it in. Ah well, here you all go.
I'm going to Birgit's toddler-mummy party tomorrow afternoon, having a baby-free Saturday because Lee is taking Lileeva to see aunty Louise and her cousins, then it's baby rave time on Sunday! I think I convinced another couple of mums to come and meet me there. I'm really looking forward to get to know these ladies outside the baby groups.
Me and Lee had a chat a few nights back and he made a subtle hint that he wouldn't mind having more kids. Plurality! It made me really happy. Mainly cause I remember, around half a year ago I had to seriously work on convincing him in favour of starting to try for a second, and then his reply was 'Alright, but I think regardless whether it's a boy or a girl, we should stop after the second. I don't want to be one of those couples whom keep trying until they get the gender they want.' which I was absolutely fine with.
I'm honestly O.K. either way. I wouldn't at all mind having a big(ger) family, in fact I think I'd quite enjoy it. But at the same time, I'm 100% happy with what I've already got and having only Lileeva would mean she could have all my attention.
They are my little world.