255.

I do sometimes feel I'm a single mum in the view of the amount of shit I'm doing around the house without getting any appreciation in return. No, if I was a single mum, I wouldn't have to do as much cooking, cleaning, washing and tidying. No, I do sometimes feel I've got two kids I'm looking after.
And it is fucking tiring yes, and annoying, and no matter how hard I try, it does get to me.
But it's not the time and place to rant.

My daughter has the cutest smile ever! It's more likely a happy snarl than a smile or a grin though. She pulls her nose up, opens her mouth, breathes out and smiles with her mouth open.
She also thinks I'm funny. I wish it was like this forever, but I know the day will come when she'll talk back, argue or simply just think I'm stupid or I 'Don't understand'. For now, when I dance and sing along Backstreet Boys while she's eating her lunch, she's happy and highly entertained. Win!
On our holiday we realised how much red suits Lileeva! She had this nice tan, dressed her in red shorts and top with a red hair clip and there she was, the little stunner. Better keep this in mind for the next shopping spree.
I also noticed the other day that she can't sleep properly without her elephant teddy or teddies. She needs at least one of them to chew on, and when they both were in the washing she gave me so much grief during nap times. It's like she doesn't care that she has at least 20 other teddies, a few of them are pinks as well. No, she needs the elephants.
At least she already knows what she wants, eh?

254.

I haven't had my period for months, due to my contraception implant. Not complaining though!
Since our holiday, I've been craving certain foods, drinks, feeling constantly hungry, which, fairly, could be from the weather. Grey, cold weather always makes me want to curl up on the sofa with a hot chocolate, cake and a book. I'll be having a long winter ahead haha!
Then this morning the cat woke me up early, I went for a wee, laid back down and had this weird, twitching muscle in my stomach, beside the hunger pains.
Mind that I did put on weight on our holiday, even though I've lost a tremendous amount lately.
So I couldn't help but wonder... And no matter how broody I am still, the thought had freaked me out. Mainly cause I know, Lee wouldn't want another little one. Not just now anyway. His possible reaction worried me, the thought of abortion terrified me, and even if we decided to keep it, how on earth would we be able to afford it?
These thoughts, worries and a bit of hope were twisting twirling in my mind and I couldn't get back to sleep.
The test was negative.

253.

Lileeva is not even a year old yet but have had her second holiday already!
She was good as gold, I'm so proud!

By we got to the airport on Friday, she was way overdue her nap, however, she kept quiet up until we boarded the flight. It was very hot and we were delayed with half an hour or so, she's been awake for ages, so she screamed the airplane down. As soon as the engine started she passed out on granddad and hasn't awoken til before landing. They do say, white noise calms babies...

Soon after arriving to our apartment I made the mistake of putting Lileeva down on the bed, and Lee made the mistake of not watching her for a few seconds. Face first onto the tiled floor. Anyways, shits were always going to happen on every holiday so in my opinion it's better to get over with these things at the very beginning, instead of worrying throughout the entire trip.

Even though she hasn't been having big meals due to the heat, we managed to stay in a basic routine quite nicely. She had trouble falling asleep when we were out and about, but she soon got used to having little naps in the pram or drifting off in our arms.
On this holiday Lileeva had many 'first's. She crawled properly for the fist time (To get to granddad's lager. Ehrm... No comment.), had her first pool experience, first dip in the sea, first shower, first tan, first bum change while standing up and from now on she can sit up and pull herself up in a standing position without any help, in fact, started to try to climb up on to low tables and sofas.
She also mastered zombie and bear growls to the max.

So far, being back she's still sticking to her routine regardless the lots of holiday munchies, like extra ice cream snacks and so on.

252.

8 teeth.
Lileeva has pulled herself up in a standing position all by herself for the first time last night. She was well proud of herself! She can also wiggle herself to sit from laying on her stomach, in fact, her abdomen muscles are getting stronger as she almost sat up from laying on her back, without any help.
I think both me and her are coming down with some sort of cold (Hello Indian summer.), she's well snotty and I keep coughing.
We are off to Tenerife, Canary Island on Friday. Much needed family holiday, here we come!

251.

10 months! Hello double digits!
You get used to having a baby on a day-to-day basis but sometimes you overview your life and realise you've only discovered your pregnancy a year and a half ago. Now she is trying to walk and talk.
I mentioned yesterday that my eating habits are quite messed up, so does my sleeping pattern. I'm aware why, but it is not the place to go into it. Anyways, I'm on a mission of eating meals with Lileeva. Or at least around the time she eats, therefor I make myself get used to a routine too and life will be easier when she will have all her 3 meals similar to mine, not only one.
Also, it's easier when you don't have to hide from your own daughter every time you want to have a meal. I mean if we eat together or I eat just after feeding her, it's less likely she will climb all over me, wanting a taste of the exact same food she just had.
Mission begins: Now.

250.

I almost dropped my coffee this morning when Lileeva greeted to me!
I was in the kitchen preparing her breakfast while she was in the living room watching cartoons and peeking at me. Thought I'd give her a wave and said 'Hello!'... She immediately waved back with a toy in her hand and said 'Aaao ooow!'
I also child proofed our living room today. It's kind of awkward cause both the coffee table, laptop and TV stands have storage spaces underneath for the Xbox, magazines and what not, which are usually the targets of Lileeva's. I boxed all our CDs which we don't anyway use, we just have to find space in our storage for them. Put all the important books and gadgets higher up too. Not sure what to do with the low corners, I suppose I shall just watch her carefully.
We also need to get a wardrobe for her soon. The shelf-box system is no longer working, since she's trying to pull herself up on everything.
My eating habits are kind of messed up, I don't have set meal times, but since Lileeva does, with yesterday I started to have dinners with her. One step closer for doing proper family things.

249.

I had possibly the worst Monday ever, but I truly deserved it.
On Sunday us guys 'popped out' and ended up 'out out' while Lee's parents were looking after Lileeva. We all got absolutely drunk. Especially me.
Since pregnancy, I became a lightweight. I still think I can down 5 shots in a row when in reality I'm drunk from 3 single spirit-mixers. I also haven't drunk for about 3 months now. So, apart from the usual embarrassment I caused, I was apparently being horrible to Lee too. Might sound like a cheap excuse but I can't remember any of it. He ended up staying at his parent's that night and I had hell of a Monday. Beside the hangover and splitting headache, Lee was seriously contemplating breaking up with me, which, to be perfectly honest, would have been absolutely understood. I can't remember anything, but I do know I can be the hardest person to deal with when I'm like that.
We got everything sorted, but I was terrified. I don't want to lose him or Lileeva, nor do I want Lileeva to grow up in a broken family, like most of the kids do. (And I did too.)
So I'm done with alcohol, for good. I shouldn't say I'm not drinking anymore, cause one cider or a cheeky cocktail doesn't do any harm. But where is one, there is always more - and they do do harm. It's entirely on me though, I am the only one that can't control herself. Wish Lee would tell me when I had enough and wouldn't let me drink anymore, but I am not his responsibility, so I will try and quit.
I love my life, I love my family and for them this isn't a big sacrifice to make.
I've also removed myself from Facebook and Twitter. Addictive things. I couldn't anymore make difference who were my real friends and who were just there to stalk. Some comments and people's behavior sometimes bothered me more than they supposed to, so it was time to quit. And believe it or not, I'm much happier already.
It feels like I'm finally, 100% focusing on my real life, on the things that are the most important.

248.

I was wrong. Lileeva is on the move.
No, she's not walking yet. No, she's not crawling either. She throws herself on the stomach and kind of shuffles. Very cute, but I have to childproof the living room cause she grabs everything and is on a mission to destroy our electronic gadgets and chew all the wires. We also ordered a baby gate. About time.
Lileeva's 7th tooth is out with today, four on the top and now three on the bottom.
By the way, did I ever mention that clothes sizing baffles me?! Baby clothes sizing ain't different either. Some of her 6-9 months were small when she was only 7 months, most of them still fit though when she's almost 10 months. Also, some 12 and 18 months dresses are perfect on her but there are a few 12 months that small and she never even worn them! I think sizing is going to remain a mystery for me forever.

247.

So I might be bipolar or something...
Ever since last night I'm loving the idea of my mum coming over! I'm even planning the menu, the cake, the programs and the presents for her.
We ordered our dining table set yesterday, so it all will be more comfortable for her and of course for us too. No more food prints on the sofa or the wall. Can only hope the cream seats won't get mash up too quick. It fits nicely in our modern living room as well. (We have a tiny kitchen, yes.) Family dinners here we come!

I'm having an official 'worst parent' day today. I left Lileeva on the sofa for about 3 minutes while I was unpacking the shopping and BAM! she fell off. Again. This time she went 100% face first, the rug's motives are clearly visible on her purple forehead, her nose is like Rudolf's and she must've bitten her lip cause it was bleeding. I'm not scared of blood but this tiny trickle has almost made me pass out. Mummy thing I suppose. She is all good by the way, gotten lots of cuddles and forgot all about it quick ish.
Since Lileeva is wiggling her bum all the time and rolling over constantly, changing her nappy became very difficult. She just wouldn't stay still for no one and throws a hissy if we try to make her. Would be so much easier if she was standing by herself now, could change her in no time.
That's the other thing. All she wants to do is stand and walk. She needs me to help pulling her up and to walk with her, cause obviously she's yet (Still!) unable to pull herself up on anything and not anymore keen on the baby walker either.
By this child grows up I shall change my name to Mrs. Hunchback.

246.

I probably have had a good old rant about my mum's upcoming 50th previously. I basically told her in May that I won't be able to afford to go and see her, then a month or so back she sent me an email in a highly obnoxious manner that she really wants to see me in November and 'she believes she's asking me in time and me and Lileeva going to visit her on her birthday not anything big to ask for'. Ain't going to lie, I flipped.
Now my nan sent me an email today asking me if it was alright to do it all the way round and have my mum over here for a few days. This shall be my nan's birthday present, she wants to pay everything for mum just so she can see me and her almost one year old granddaughter.
Only fair I suppose, however I have mixed feelings about it. First of all I hate taking money off of my nan but I can't really do otherwise cause we are fairly tight these days and we still have things queued to spend on, like a shower, mixer taps, a dining table and so. Secondly I know we are going to go to each others' nerves within hours. I know I'm horrible around my mum, I can't help it, the vibes are just not working out between us. I will huff and puff and Lee will be in the middle and it is not something he needs on top of my shitty attitude he sometimes gets. (Sorry baby. I know I can be a bitch sometimes.) Thirdly I am happy, yes. I want Lileeva to get to know my mum and have some kind of bond between them. Also, having mum over will change my stress levels - will be taking a weight off of my shoulders cause Lileeva will have her entire attention but on the other hand... Those vibes sometimes. Ah well...
I know I sound like an ungrateful daughter. I shall keep the above things in mind daily so I won't be becoming an ungrateful mother. Blah.

By the way mayo is on Lileeva's hate-list as well. I tried to give her some, again, with the nuggets and chips to take their dryness away but no luck just whinging.
She realised lately she can use her knees. She wouldn't just stand stiff anymore but started to put her feet in front and next to each other. I wouldn't yet call it walking but she is indeed making huge steps forward. Quite literally.