330.

I've spoken too soon.
This potty training malarkey is insane and nerve-wracking. After the first successful day, Lileeva was back in her nappies for about two weeks, due to her illness. Re-started this potty and toilet madness on Monday, and I've been in bitch-mode since.
She knows what to do, where to go, she's even able to hold it in for long period of times... She just doesn't want to go on the potty. Or the toilet. She would scream until I put knickers on her, but feels safe weeing in them when she can't hold it anymore, regardless of me letting her run around in her wet pants after for a little while. Clearly, this reverse tactic of making her feel uncomfortable doesn't work.
I know she is ready, she is just lazy, and wants to go for the comfortable version. Well, don't we all?! Anyways, I'm not giving up. It just might takes longer than I expected. Joy.
Lileeva is getting better in talking and chatting with us, but we still have food issues. Soon, I hope, that will get sorted too. I have a follow-up appointment with the dietician in May, and she expects Lileeva to be weaned off of her night time bottle by then. This simply isn't going to happen. The potty training madness is enough for now. When she's dry throughout the day, then there will be the time to reduce her milk intake and go for a cup instead of a bottle, in the hope of keeping her dry throughout the night too.
But it feels like we have a long way to go until then. Sigh.
Not to mention, then so we probably going to have to deal with her waking up throughout the night - Until she gets the hang of eating more 'real' food, and drinking less milk before bed. She already has this tendency lately of waking up in the middle of the night, once or twice a week, screaming, demanding to come and sleep with us. I know, caving isn't the right thing, but damn, I ain't no heartless, so we just let her...
On another note, she became very good at drawing. All she does is cover papers -and lately herself as a tattoo- with faces. That's my girl!

329.

After my concerns about the health visitor's accountability on Lileeva's speech and diet, we went to see both a speech therapist and a dietitian this week. Everything is fine luckily.
The dietitian was even surprised and impressed with my knowledge on the subject. She said everything I'm doing is fine, it's only a matter of time for Lileeva to snap out of her picky habits and start to eat more variety of foods again.
The speech therapist said the similar, apparently Lileeva will be starting to talk 'properly', in sentences within the next few months. For our happiness with Lee, she started to sound 'I love you too' lately. Bless. Also saying 'Okay' a lot, instead of simply 'Yes' and 'No's haha!
I also started to potty train her, which seemed to be a nightmare at first, but she got the hang of it quite quickly, and after an afternoon of puddle-wiping, she managed to do a wee in her potty.
Just so to get ill the day after, so we are back in the nappies again... Either way, I'm hopeful.
We decided with Lee, that we will have no more children. Not at this moment of time anyway. We wouldn't manage the stress, and we rather stay together than to have more kids and separate.
Maybe, just maybe, when things have settled and Lileeva is at school and we both have the desired job we want, we maybe bring the subject up again.
Until then, it's all about our one and only Lileeva-chops.

328.

Some days I think I'm a decent mum. Some days I think I'm the worst parent existing. Hell... what days?! Multiply times a single day...
No secret, I have temper issues, and damn isn't Lileeva pushing my limits daily! Sometimes even early afternoon I start clock-watching already, wishing my life away, hoping it was her bedtime. Constant tantrums about silly little things, non-stop whining of 'Mummy, mummy, mummy!'s for no reason and hitting/throwing things around, not taking 'No!' for an answer. So frustrating and draining.
Then the next minute she helps folding the laundry, tidies the room, throws her rubbish into the bin instead of leaving it around or even helps me rack my weights.
No wonder why parents go a little bit crazy. Having a child is fucking challenging.
I think I am selfish too. I demand my 'me time', I need my 'me time'.
Lately Lileeva started to have lay-ins the mornings and in return, dropping her afternoon naps. I tried to adjust, but simply could not. Not having that hour or two that breaks the day drives me nuts. (Probably has something to do with my training schedule and adrenaline levels too.)
With that said, I'm slowly realising that I'm probably not yet ready to have another child. I do want another one of course, but I worry I wouldn't be able to manage. Hmm...

Eating is still a nightmare, but getting slightly better. Potty training is on the hold until it gets warmer, especially since she's getting the cold.
And, tomorrow will be the first of many dreaded days; Nursery visit. I'm beyond nervous. On one hand, I would love to have a bit more of that above mentioned 'me time' which I could use well for studying and training. But, to be honest, I'm worried of letting her go. I know I need and I have to, but it makes me realise she's not my baby anymore, I won't have the full responsibility of her upbringing and her being in 'wrong hands' scares me shitless. (I'm aware of it being sheer paranoia, but a mother's job is to worry, right?!)
Fingers crossed this nursery is top notch.

327.

It isn't called 'terrible two's' for no reason.
It's like Lileeva is playing with my nerves daily, pushing my limits further and further with her cheeky little smile and is waiting when am I going to give up.
The tantrums are getting worse and worse and the food misery is unbearable. I'm seriously dreading lunch- and dinner times, because she wouldn't eat cooked, 'normal' food, but demands biscuits, sweets and fruits.
I even stopped giving her treat like snacks throughout the day, between meals, only fruits and/or yoghurt. If she eats majority of her dinner, then she gets a cup of tea or hot chocolate and a slice of cake or biscuits before bed.
I hope this method starts to work very soon, because the lack of nutrients she takes in worries me a little.

326.

I've met possibly one of the worst health visitors, ever.
It was Lileeva's 27 month check-up, and I thought it will involve us talking about my concerns as well as they give me a guide how to sort them, like at all the previous health checks.
I mentioned this lady that I'm a little worried about Lileeva's lack of speech, and how fussy she is when it comes to food. (She's practically vegan, by choice.) I asked numerous times whether or not these are issues, considering that she's been raised in a bilingual family, and her height and weight is absolutely fine, so are her activity levels. The health visitor kept repeating, if I wanted to, she could refer us to a speech therapist and/or to a dietitian, but wouldn't give a straight forward answer.
Fucking useless.
I'm still thinking about the speech therapy thing, but due to my studies I decided a dietitian would just be a waste of time.

I've also noticed (Again.) how polite and nice Lileeva can be, comparing to other children at her age. She likes to share, and not the sort of kid that pushes others out of the way etc. With that said, I am teaching her to stand up for herself when someone takes something off of her, and it doesn't mean she can't be a real nightmare. Mostly with me though, not with other kids haha!

325.

I'm still alive!
It's not so easy to keep up with a blog (Or anything for that matter.) when you have a toddler.
Not even sure where to start...
Christmas, New Year and our mid-January trip to Budapest, plus the Rome-Budapest trip back in September... These will take place in a separate, photo filled entry. (When I can be bothered going through all my photos.)
Lileeva still isn't potty trained, but is definitely getting the idea of it. She keeps saying 'Wee-wee', pulls her pants down and sits down on the potty. In her nappies, and usually after she's done a wee, but hey, slowly but surely.
She understands everything, but still only replies in English. Lileeva isn't much of a talker comparing to other kids at her age, but she copies us and learns new words daily. She says 'Please!' and 'Cheers!' and uses other words purposely too.

As of me; I've been having bit of a mid-life crisis thing going on. Not only turning 27 recently and seeing more and more of my close friends becoming successful in their jobs and/or studies, but not getting pregnant again made me realise this is the time to sort my life out, no more tiptoeing around the subject. Long story short; I've recently enrolled to a college course. When I finish it, will enrol for a couple of others, and by the time Lileeva is school age, I will hopefully have all the qualifications I need to get a full time job. A job, I actually love and can practice for years.
That's it, a very brief update on our lives as of now.

(Note to self: When there is time, also sort out all the previous -and wrong- tags.)

324.

So the day has come. And past by quite quick actually.
Lileeva is 2 years old!
Lee got the day off work (Wednesday the 13th.) and I organised her a little get-together on her actual birthday.
Decorated the living room the night before, baked a massive Peppa Pig cake (Again.) and prepared lots of snacks, both for kids and for adults, as well as put toys out, and popping the secret weapon of bubble maker out at some point. We had a strictly music - no television afternoon with family and friends.

All her little mates could make it, some later than others - without good reason (Which I personally find quite rude.) but hey. Cousin Alfie, Loki, Virag, Giulia and even our upstairs neighbour Aoife turned up.
I had the annoying misfortune of deleting 30% of my most recent photos of my phone by accident, the ones of her birthday too. Bummer.
Still, here are a couple by others.

323.

Alright, so I know I've been missing in action, but I just felt the necessity to pop in and say, once again, without any bitterness or sarcasm, just like a stone cold fact; Hey boy, this is my everyday life.
Long story short, I haven't had 'baby free' time for a long while. I mean months. Time for myself. To update my blog(s), to have a long soaked bath, to do my nails, to organise and tidy bits around the flat, to look into very adult and important stuff like home swapping, nurseries, college, tax and so on.
Plus the issues of lately Lee not taking his part in parenting seriously again.
Hence why I asked him to take Lileeva out tomorrow for the day.
Now, he wanted to have a few, chilled out drinks tonight with me, which, to be perfectly honest, I wasn't too keen on, because I try to cutbl down on alcohol intake again. Either way, I agreed, and have had a few, after putting Lileeva to bed.
The time approached around 10 pm and Lee said he was going to bed, then and there, without doubt. I askes him why is that, considering he can stay up late(r) any other occasions. His reply was simple and straightforward: Because he'll have Lileeva all day, among lots of other, screaming, shouting, happy kids, and he didn't want to be tired.
Simple as that.
He -or anyone not having a child for that fact, who thinks a stay-at-home-mum's life is easy- never should wonder why we are, mums, are exhausted every day around 07pm, why is bath time a relief for us, why do we want to just sit and mong above a nice cup of tea or hot chocolate for an hour, and pass out at the end of each day, 11pm the latest.
That's our lives, that's what we chose, that's what we're committed to, that's what we're like and that's what we love.
And I'm grateful Lee is finally having a taste from it too, amongst his other, work related commitments.
(Side note: We have had another shaky time behind us, which I probably would've written about in details, if I wasn't rather focusing on keeping us together. It has passed though, luckily, and I can say, I'm 100% grateful again for the family I've got. They're truly the best!)

322.

Last weekend's camping was wicked!

Lee and his workmate Steve went to the campsite after their shift on Friday evening, while us girls joined them on Saturday afternoon. It was possibly the worst timing though, as was it just wouldn't stop raining all day. And I mean storm like proper rain. Needless to say, we got soaked. The camp wasn't even set up properly by the boys either, as they got drunk the night before. Ah well.

So our first night weren't amazing, but I enjoyed myself with a company of an entire bottle of Southern Comfort and Steve's brand new camping table and chair set, which I managed to fall onto and collapse it. Three times. Ho hum.
Lileeva slept surprisingly good in the tent next to me. I unfortunately can't say the same, but I'm slowly getting used to being non-stop sleep deprived anyway.

Sunday we were mainly wandering around in the forest, built our campsite properly and cooked. And drank. That was the official night we all supposed to get hammered, but I couldn't due to Saturday's madness. Lee, however, got smashed very quick and fell through the now fixed garden table, head first, and broke it proper haha!

Monday us three we went for a last walk, while waiting for Steve and Sabrina to wake up, then started to pack things up, pretty much straight away. Left around 02pm ish.
All in all, I enjoyed myself, and I'm pretty sure Lileeva did as well. She loved running off in the woods, picking flowers and berries and, of course, jumping in muddy puddles like Peppa.
And this weekend, we are off to Rome.

321.

I really have no excuse why not posting, apart from being lazy. I usually super drained by the evening and can't seem to be able to pull my thoughts together after putting Lileeva to bed.
During her daily naps I usually either do my training routine or have a kip myself.
Speaking of which, she's been sleeping a lot in the past few weeks, she's probably having another growth spurt.
She is a fussy eater, but eats well. Also a copycat, which comes handy when teaching her things. She's very independent, wanting to do everything by herself. She is stubborn too. Not sure where she gets these from. Cough.
I do still have my down moments when I think I'm a terrible mum, but coming across how some other people raise their kids keeping me reassured of the opposite. Alright, yes, I know parents whom take their children out many times daily... I'm not one of them, and to be fair, I started to see on Lileeva that she slowly starts to get bored of the nearby parks and playgrounds too. However, it still doesn't stop me to provide her a daily 'adventure' though.
But there are these parents that don't even think of taking their kids out to the park, playground or even to their own garden! Buying garden toys is out of question too. What the hell?! We only have a tiny balcony, but made the best out of it with artificial grass, a bench, a tiny paddling pool and toys and the door is always open for her. None of us made to be between the same four walls 24/7.
So to speak, I try not to beat myself up if I have a chillaxing day spent indoors a couple of days a week. Tops.
This Saturday Lee is taking her to see his aunt, next weekend she'll be staying with Lee's mum because we are off out of London for our anniversary. On bank holiday weekend we all be going to the woods for camping with Lee's workmate and his fiance, then afterwards us three are off to Rome and Budapest. We took her to Cornwall last month, and last week we went to Essex for a day to see my friend and her son, and also, I try to get around to my sister-in-law's with her weekly.
Considering all this, I think we are doing parenting well and making our toddler's life as interesting as possible.