Some days I think I'm a decent mum. Some days I think I'm the worst parent existing. Hell... what days?! Multiply times a single day...
No secret, I have temper issues, and damn isn't Lileeva pushing my limits daily! Sometimes even early afternoon I start clock-watching already, wishing my life away, hoping it was her bedtime. Constant tantrums about silly little things, non-stop whining of 'Mummy, mummy, mummy!'s for no reason and hitting/throwing things around, not taking 'No!' for an answer. So frustrating and draining.
Then the next minute she helps folding the laundry, tidies the room, throws her rubbish into the bin instead of leaving it around or even helps me rack my weights.
No wonder why parents go a little bit crazy. Having a child is fucking challenging.
I think I am selfish too. I demand my 'me time', I need my 'me time'.
Lately Lileeva started to have lay-ins the mornings and in return, dropping her afternoon naps. I tried to adjust, but simply could not. Not having that hour or two that breaks the day drives me nuts. (Probably has something to do with my training schedule and adrenaline levels too.)
With that said, I'm slowly realising that I'm probably not yet ready to have another child. I do want another one of course, but I worry I wouldn't be able to manage. Hmm...
Eating is still a nightmare, but getting slightly better. Potty training is on the hold until it gets warmer, especially since she's getting the cold.
And, tomorrow will be the first of many dreaded days; Nursery visit. I'm beyond nervous. On one hand, I would love to have a bit more of that above mentioned 'me time' which I could use well for studying and training. But, to be honest, I'm worried of letting her go. I know I need and I have to, but it makes me realise she's not my baby anymore, I won't have the full responsibility of her upbringing and her being in 'wrong hands' scares me shitless. (I'm aware of it being sheer paranoia, but a mother's job is to worry, right?!)
Fingers crossed this nursery is top notch.