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Friday, 20 May 2011


A day and I'm 16 weeks! Have some belly going on here already but don't think it's too bad. I think I felt the baby moving around a little bit this week, but I can't say it for sure. It was like indigestion pain, still, I do kind of think it was the monster.
Anyways, I'm getting more and more sure about giving birth in a pool in the hospital. Done a little research and this video simply amazes me (No gore just a montage of pictures.), especially when the dad jumps into the paddling pool of blood to hold his little alien. Of course I'd rather get this done in the hospital, and don't expect Lee to jump straight into my blood (More likely to pass out haha!) but I still find it absolutely touching.

Wednesday, 18 May 2011


What I wasn't yet talking about is the past week and what I managed to sort out.
I had a blood check and I got described with hyperthyroidism. It's the overactive one, I had problems with it before, but I ignored it which I can not anymore do because of the baby's health. So I'm taking medication for 3 weeks now, then I'm going back to get my blood re-checked. A few months after giving birth I probably will have an operation so all this thyroid problem can be forgotten, forever.
I also applied for Jobseeker's Allowance benefit which is still in process but I got some tax back luckily so it helped us out a little.
Sorted out the cat and her fleas, I pray it's for good now. We are going back to the vet next week for her vaccinations.
We also had our first 'family' shopping, when we bought such things as a hoover, a microwave, an inflatable camping mattress and other bits for the flat. We as well have a toaster and kettle saved for us, just as a dining table with chairs and a cooker. These are from Lee's parents' so we should be O.K. with paying for them whenever we are safe with money. Lee has a bed and a wardrobe too. Only writing these cause it's good to know, we pretty much got everything needed for when we have to move.
We are living at Lee's aunt's place at the moment, but hopefully the council will help us to find a place to move in with the baby, for relative cheap. We got that sorted too, so all what we have to do now is wait and see whether they accept our application or not. It's tricky cause Lee is working and they usually don't give out places to parents to bes whom work, even though his money isn't enough to feed three people plus pay bills and a private rent.
I have an appointment to the dentist too, it's free when you are pregnant, and my teeth are hurting so much so rather get them checked.
Our friend's mother has many baby stuffs which she wants to get rid off so she'll pass it on to us, so that's kind of done as well.
And I'm having my 20 weeks scan on the 24th of June when hopefully we will find out whether it's a boy or a girl. Yay!
Then, on the 29th going to see my midwife again and Lee is coming too, cause for some reason he's interested in meeting her. Bet he has some questions too haha!
By the way I went to see Tracey the other day, asked around and apparently if I'm due on 06/11/11 I can not have a C section on 11/11/11 as they are going to have to give the baby at least 7 days to come out naturally, but as it happens, first babies are always late so I shall be fine. Also, there are pools in the hospital where I'll be so I can give birth in water. What a relief!
All looks up now. We are surely getting there.

Tuesday, 17 May 2011


Here is the time to talk about what I wanted to mention like ages ago. I'm horrified of the thought what kind of mother I'm going to be!
I know that I am going to be the strict parent and Lee's going to be the one the kid will trust more, or go to with his/her problems. I kind of able to accept this but the thought my kid might be hating me, well... I can't bare.
Most probably I only think this way cause of the relationship between my mum and me, but still. I mean, what if the kid is going to be ungrateful or something? They are cute and sweet when they are babies then they grew into the 'Why?' period, then school, then teenage thing and tell them what is what and how, then first relationships, drinking and maybe drugs, then that it was, they are gone already.
I know it doesn't sound promising or positive, it isn't against the little unborn alien, more likely against me.
I'm scared that I'm going to be horrible and disliked. I want to be cool and easy and that kind of parent who takes the kid out for a drink and stuff. I hope I won't fuck it up.


I feel much more better now, it's weird how a few kind words put you in to your happy place and a few mean ones (Or the ones you take that way.) lets you down.
Yep, I have to agree, my hormones are kind of all over the place but think it could be worse. Or will be, see what happens.
Over a year ago, one of my close friends, Szabolcs was still living in the UK and I had many free minutes so we were having hour long chats over the phone. I clearly remember one of them; It was about pregnancy and women's hormones. He said he doesn't understand but absolutely respects blokes who have been next to their girls all the way.
First of all our hormones change between the age of 10 and 13 when we get into the teenager period. We all go mad here, especially once each month from then on. For many many years.
Secondly this whole pregnancy thing, when the hormones creating in our systems do not only affect our body but our brains too. This is the hormone which programs our brains to protect our babies first and foremost and giving us the mother instinct or call however you want to call it. So we all go crazy yet again.
And once again, the menopause around our 50's.
So I have to admit we are kind of hard works, but to all the males out there a little advise: We are easier to deal with if you are nice to us. And it is a promise in the name of all women out there.

This is Szandra and Szabolcs above. Not long ago when we had a conversation with Szabolcs and told him how his words are echoing in my head from day by day he said -'Let's hope you don't go absolutely nuts but will stay cool and be just as a cool mother as Szandra was.'
She lived in the area where both me and Szabolcs did back home, we got to know her from there and from the clubs we usually went to. She has a boy, little creature who looks like Martin Gore with his golden locks and at the age of only two, he was jumping around smiling in his crib when his mother was listening Depeche Mode. How ironic and wonderful.
Rest In Peace Szandra.


In the past days, for the first time I had to think about what if, for some reason I'd have to raise the little one alone. Obviously it's not the way and I wouldn't want it to happen especially cause I was raised by my mum and hardly got to know my dad before he died, so it's definitely not the best for the alien.
But, as it happens, things aren't looking too good at the moment. It's not like I'm sitting home all day, doing fuck all, but creating conspiracy theories which I can insult the loved ones with.
Some people probably  don't understand but women do need support this time. Support, and not lies and pains they cause... Then they show a bit of regret then rambling about how hard it is for them to survive my hormones. Guess what sunshine, I should know it better, I have to live with these hormones you know, and bear your lies and like what, can I not even mention how hurt I am, cause then I come across as that crazy pregnant bitch?!
It's not the way, really is not. I'm well sad, and the trust which flew out the window doesn't help at all.

Monday, 9 May 2011


When you are pregnant you do many things differently, mostly unconscious at the beginning, then it all becomes conscious and even a routine maybe.
You eat healthier. You drink less booze, or not at all. You smoke less, or not at all. When your boy smokes around you (Like a lot I mean, he does.) you don't prefer to kiss him straight after coming back inside, then within time you became protective and let him know that he might as well quit if he doesn't want to die in cancer. (Not if he did give a damn about it, but that's another story.)
As soon as you hear news, you realise you rather start and take the medications forever what you refused to take for years. And of course, you rather wait an extra half a minute or so for the green man, before crossing the road.
When/from you are pregnant you always come second. And it's good as it is.


Little alien with it's 77 mm ~ 3 inch from crown to rump. Brain appears normal, hands and feet all visible, stomach visible (This made me laugh, little fatty.) the rest ain't yet examined.
I have to say, comparing to it's side profile it looks exactly like Lee. Aww.

Sunday, 8 May 2011


Typing on the phone upstairs in bed while the boys are watching a scary crap film downstairs. I mean, I've never been a fan of spooky horror and/or gore movies but still watched it for the sake of my curiosity which clearly lead me to paranoia.
Anyways, as you might have noticed it on yourself, jumpy bits gives you cramps so it's not the way forward, especially not now. For example me and Lee went to the Death Trap at the bottom of London Eye (It's a 12 minutes long scary ride/tour where you go in to a room with a group, there's some sort of story, lights are off, strobe on, find your way out while zombie look a like actors are jumping at you from all direction.) as my friend works there and he'd let us in for free, but the info board clearly says no pregnant women or people with heart problems are allowed in. For a reason really.
So yeah, chillaxing on the bed, with all the lights on at the moment. You never know, right?!
Went for the scan on Friday and I have to admit the baby is a cute little mutherfhucker! It's little hands were in front of him/her, like it was praying or clapping and as the nurse was pushing that scan stick thing around my belly (It kind of hurt.) it was moving it's little legs, kicking the air.
Also, looked like it was wearing a Batman or Wolverine like mask cause of the shadows. We got four photos for £4 so that was all right, but I wasn't pleased with the nurse, at all.
First of all, she looked evil. Second, it was only 9am and she was already in a mood. You'd expect a bit of support on your first ever child's first ever scan, even though knowing she's doing this thing many times a day, all day, every day, for fuck knows how long.
We even had a nice little convo at the end: -'So you are 13 weeks 5 days today.', -'Yeah. Oh wait, no, that's next Tuesda...' -'Yes you are, this is what the measurement says, this is what we take, so you are 13 weeks 5 days.'
I was gonna slap that slag right there like. Even the scan says on top 12 weeks 6 days cause that's when my placenta started to grow or whatever happens inside from the very beginning. Just cause my baby is big (Little meat head it is. Aww.) doesn't mean it's a week older. And what's with the attitude?!
Anyways, she changed my due date to 06/11/11 which 1) Won't be happening 2) Could still be good if I end up being late, cause that means I'm able to have (?) the C section on 11/11/11.
Or even if not, the first babies are usually late.
Photos later, after some sleeps.

 Batman/Wolverine mask he/she had on

Monday, 2 May 2011


We've been out the weekend to see Lee's granddad Saturday and for a lunch with his parents and niece on Sunday and both gdiddy and mum said I'm getting bigger already. I can't say much as have always been bigger around my belly. Take it as I always looked pregnant even though I wasn't, therefor I hope that's the case only. Rather be fat with a big baby than having twins or triplets.
Although... If it would be a girl and a boy in the twin case I wouldn't really mind. One for Lee, one for me, and something new for Lee's family whom are already having a granddaughter and soon a grandson too.
Lou just went into the hospital this afternoon, her water didn't yet break but had pains yesterday and started to bleed today so they might start her labor now, 3 weeks earlier.
Anyways, if I see something like this on Friday, I'll have all the rights to scream.