Lileeva's birthday

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Wednesday, 31 August 2011


Being way too pissed off right now!
Went to get my glucose tolerance test done this morning. It includes you not to eat or drink anything for 12 hours before the test (09pm-09am) which I find ridiculous, since I'm almost in my 8th month.
So you go in, they fuck about a little, take your blood, and make you drink a whole 500 ml bottle of Lucozade. It says on the leaflet that you have to bring 'two bottles of original Lucozade'. In my book it's not a fake cheap but the original one, two of them. We bought the wrong one, obviously, so I had to run up and down in the hospital to buy an unflavoured one, so it makes us now having 3 bottles of energy drink in our fridge... Nevermind, Lee will drink them, he does long shifts now anyway.
So first of all the nurse brought in the wrong folder with her, luckily I realised in time it looked too neat, not as raggedy-ass as mine, so I didn't end up having Sharon's results luckily.
Then the nurse looked at my file and asked what am I actually doing there. Like what?! She looked at all my blood tests in the system and told me I'm not even supposed to be there, since they are all normal, sugar level wise, apart from the first one. (Taken in May.) That's when I had a ham and cheese sarnie and a bottle of Sprite before the test cause no one told me they'll check my blood sugar too.
I told her to get over with it, I mean I was nil by mouth for 13 hours, woke up and got ready at 07am just to go to the hospital, so why not if I was there anyway.
She took the blood, made me down a whole bottle of shitty Original energy drink, and told me to go back in a couple of hours. In this period my system should work the sugar down, they take blood again and off we go. That's going to be the 15th hour without food or drink for me.
Baby was annoyed, and being unexpectedly (Yeah right.) hyper in the next half an hour. Wonder why...
I'm beyond angry. That's one thing that as many people as I see have their own different theories of the same case or situation. Fine. That's another thing that when I ask something, I hardly get a straight forward answer.
But that they pretty much don't give a shit about me, and that I'm slowly becoming a walking pin cushion cause they are sending me for different tests I'm not even supposed to have, only cause they are too busy (?) to look in to my folder... That's beyond belief!
These people seem to be doing everything they can, just to make you believe you are seriously ill, even though you are healthy. Fucking ridiculous.

 How can anyone be surprised then, when I say I do not want to go and give birth in the hospital?! I know if I went in, they wouldn't let me have her in water cause they'd monitor my heart 'just in case' (Machine + water = no no.), therefor the whole procedure would be highly uncomfortable, and knowing myself, the stress this would cause could be the thing leading to complications... Which would lead to even more unnecessary tests on me, and on the baby too. Bullshit, we are not guinea pigs. Because they are qualified doctors, they don't seem to understand that I know myself, and what is good for me. Their job is to help me, not to fuck about with me.
So as I said in my previous post I'm frequently seeing my midwife (Not a hospital one.) who's kind of alright, even though she hasn't really done much for me yet, she always have the time for me and seems to be getting her arse on gear now.
A thyroid specialist who's mostly the same person, a really nice woman, who actually takes the time and the effort and explains things to me if I ask.
And an obstetrician consultant who's a different person most of the times (I'm seeing him or her every 4 weeks after the thyroid doctor.) and is always done with me in 2 minutes, always in a rush and in a 'doesn't give a shit' mood. All of them. Last week's one was the worst, as I explained above. I found her stamp in my book, so I know her name now, and I'm seriously thinking about reporting her, for ignoring my questions, not checking my files, therefor sending me to tests I don't even need to get done.
As of it's Wednesday, the antenatal clinic is open, but not sure whether or not she's going to be the one in. I really should act now, cause I know I won't give a damn about it in another 3 weeks time when I have the appointment, and there are high chances there's going to be someone else I'll be seeing, as they are keep changing for some reason.
Anyways, I don't know what to do, I'm fed up with people who supposed to be responsible for me and look after both me and the baby, and all what they do is fuck about and making me stress out, which is clearly the opposite as their job description.
I started to be really scared. I obviously wouldn't want to risk my baby's life during labour, but if I ended up going to the hospital, they will consider me as high risk, and then the people I'll have to deal with are the above mentioned obstetricians... Whom clearly don't know what the fuck they are doing.
I've been texting with Tracey today, explaining how I feel, and she said she'll try her best to get something sorted, in fact already been trying to contact with the midwives on the home birth unit.
Relief! At least someone's on my side and does something good for me.

Tuesday, 30 August 2011


You hear these stories that pregnant women have weird dreams about their baby, mostly first timers. And not to be bothered much as they are only caused by the hormones and the repressed and unconscious worries mum-to-bes' have. (Post 69.)
Now, I was O.K. until last night, when I had the freakiest bloody dream for a long time! Was very close to cry when I woke up, but I pulled myself out of dreamland very quick, so it only left me breathless. I'm good in doing this by the way, I have numerous sleeping disorders, paralysis just to mention the worst (Only found out not long ago, that it can be caused by thyroid disorders.), so I got to learn how to wake myself up, realising I'm still dreaming, and to give myself that 'kick' while still asleep.
So far the dreams I had about the baby, from the earliest to the one I had yesterday;
Dream 1.
When I was around 8-10 weeks pregnant I dreamt about looking at her laying in a white and pink Moses basket. It was a she, and her name was Louise like Lee's sister's... And it wasn't even just the name, it was actually her, Lou, when she was a baby. From then on I kind of sensed we are having a girl.
Dream 2.
I'm sure I had a few other dreams the next couple of weeks about a girl, but can't really remember for sure. Next memorable one was around the time we were deciding about the names, and in my dream Lee wanted to call him Montgomery haha! It was the first and only dream of a boy though. We didn't yet know for sure what we are having back then.
Dream 3.
It was still before the 20th week I think, and about me giving birth in public, on a picnic trip, next to a green forest. Wasn't painful at all, looked at Lee and told him that's that, the baby is coming, and it just popped out, somehow in the water, even though I was standing on some old concrete steps. The weather was cool and sunny, the water I was standing in was nice and cold, like early spring. Weren't many people around either, until I had the bubba... Then these tattooed punk looking priests started to come, many of them, like the whole Vatican, and they wanted to take it and gave him/her a massive wooden cross to wear. Weird? Can't even remember whether or not I gave the baby to them.
Anyways, I focus on the pain free labour bit, it was nice. Especially in that atmosphere, cause the weather described above always used to drag me back down to my depression, every year for many years now, so it's good to have some positive experience with it, even though it was just a dream, not a real life one.
Dream 4.
Hmm... This wasn't the best. I had a house party but I was somehow still living in a squat, in a massive warehouse. All my friends were there off their faces, it was early morning and Lee was still at work, I was in bed with the baby in the Moses basket next to me. I got up and took her downstairs when I went to check up on my mates, didn't want to leave her alone. She was only about 3 months old or so.
My -not even close- friends offered to look after her a little while cause I was exhausted, so I went back to sleep, but woke up after like 20-30 minutes missing her, so I went down just to find her little face covered in chocolate what my friends were feeding her with. This was alright ish with me, but I took her to bring back upstairs and there were these toothpicks hanging out of her little mouth. She wasn't chocking on them or anything, but could have if I stayed asleep for longer.
I reckon it was about the motherly instinct and that no matter how much I would want to hang out, or will go out partying with my mates in the future, I will constantly miss the little thing.
Dream 5,
And last night's madness. I went to this massive 47 floor high building, which yet was only half built, the lift was only running to the 20th floor. This is where I went to the vets to get the cat and myself checked out see if we had fleas. We didn't.
Then I ended up (Without the cat now.) in this massive hospital but warehouse like corridor in the same building, every room had different musics playing, but the club just opened so weren't many people around, in fact the organizers were still decorating. In the last room there was Katie Price and I ended up helping her organizing the party, the music, the deco and her clothes, while one of the guys partying kept coming in this private room, harassing us with some crap. Remember telling him I'll break his finger if he attempted to touch my stomach again. (I meant bump but remember saying stomach.)
We got all Katie's money, and made our ways to the exit and heard him following us. I was going to run but she said not to, what are we scared of after all?! So we ended up facing this guy who didn't anymore look drunk but scary and had about 5-10 mates with him.
And that it was, he pulled his gun out with a freaky smile, shot Katie then before I could say anything, me too. 4 bullets straight in the bump! I didn't even care that I only got this cause I was at the wrong place in the wrong time, only remember I wished he shot me on the head, so at least he only killed me and someone might have had the chance to save my baby, but this way it was impossible.
It was horrible. I know I dreamt this cause I still don't think I have a perfectly obvious 7-8 months basketball bump, concerned about kitty having fleas again, and I was also hungry and Lileeva must've been laying on my bladder at the same time, so I was uncomfortable in the tummy.Still, was awful.
We were also talking about cot death with Lee lately, so this could've affected the dream too. Either way, it was very sad, hope I won't have anymore nightmares like this.
When I woke up and calmed down a bit I had to stay awake for quite some time and listen out for some movements and kicks, just to make sure she's still in me and still alright.
She is by the way, swimming happily.

On a happier note; Kitty is becoming more cuddly with me nowadays. She usually comes and lays next to me when I'm still awake, and starts to lick my arm, or even lays on me when I'm horizontal and ready to sleep. She used to sleep at the end of the bed by our feet but in the past week or so she keeps coming up, lays on my stomach or my side/rib cage and pushes her head into my hand wanting strokes. Both me and Lee think it has something to do with me being heavily pregnant, she probably feels my hormones, after all she's a girl too.


My midwife finally started to work with me! What a relief!
I had to pop in to pick up another MAT B1 form, it's particularly for applying for benefits, and since I've already done that in an official letter they kept my form which wouldn't even be a big deal, if I didn't have the council fucking up my application for housing. But they did, and they can't find my file now, so I most probably have to apply again, and I needed this form cause it's the official way to prove my pregnancy. Not sure whether or not Tracey supposed to give out more than one (Possibly not.) but I'm lucky with her.
She asked me if I started to do my birth plan cause I'm able to do it myself, write my ideas down and go through them with her... So I told her that I technically ain't got a clue where I stand, and what could and couldn't I go for.
Explained to her that my thyroid specialist doctor told me she doesn't think I could go for the home birth option, cause even though I'm controlled with medications my heart still might start racing, and if that happens and if the baby has the same condition, her heart could start racing too and that can be fatal on her. (Way too many 'if's and 'maybe's but still.) The consultant obstetrician said after checking the baby's little heart, that she's not concerned about that, but that I might be diabetic. (I'm going for that test tomorrow morning, if I end up being glucose intolerant that's my straight ticket to the hospital ward in labour. I'm not worried about this too much though.) Also, the home birth midwives said thyroid problems doesn't officially count as high risk, so after double checking with others I could sign up for home birth.
Then she, Tracey, my own midwife said, she doesn't know much about thyroid problems and what tests would they need to do on the baby once it's born, and even though I'm treated on the high risk clinic at the moment it doesn't actually mean I'm in danger, I'm just let's say 'not normal' so she doesn't want to say I should not try and go for home birth.
So as I said above, she started to work with me at last. She made notes in her diary to call the home birth specialized midwife unit, and ask them if they delivered a baby with a mum-to-be having thyroid problems, and how safe or problematic it was. Then (If my glucose test comes back negative.) she'll try and arrange her to be able to come to the hospital with me, for my next appointment with the doctor and the consultant, so she actually will be able to find out what the fuck is going on, and why aren't they able to give me a straight forward answer.
Do hope she can manage to come, that'd be the easiest way since they speak each other's language.
I have my and the baby's hospital bag ready by the way, well, almost ready. Things like slippers, pillows and toothbrush are missing, but they are those last minutes stuffs anyway.
Also, the Bambino Mio nappies have arrived today, they are proper cute and looks like they are easy to use too. Was definitely a good buy.
So things are looking up, hopefully everything falls in to place soon. Bloody well hope the flat situation too.

Saturday, 27 August 2011


100th entry, 30th post in August, in week 30 of my pregnancy. Let's do it with style.

30 weeks bump

And the big baby-list; Here's what we already have, and what we still need to purchase in the following weeks.

Owned for the baby:
- Lots of baby grows
- Lots of rompers
- Bibs
- A mitten
- Couple of trousers and a skirt (3 months+)
- Couple of hoodies (3 months +)
- Baby blanket
- Lots of teddies
- A Moses basket
- Pram with a travel Moses basket (Turns to pushchair.)
- Baby carrier
- Bottles
- Steriliser
- Reusable nappy pack (Ordered.)
- Disposable nappies
- Cotton wool
- Baby powder
- Bum cream
- Rattan drawers (Baby's first ever clothing space.)
Owned for me; For labour and beyond:
- Birthing ball
- Nursing bras (Ordered.)
- Packs of sanitary pads

To buy for the lady:
- Bath
- Towels
- Changing mat
- Baby wipes
- Hats
- Socks/Baby boots
- More bibs
- More mittens
- More baby blankets
- Cot/Cot Bed + Furniture (Later on, when 3 months+)
To buy for me:
- Breast pads
- Dressing gown

Couple of more UglyDolls from Chris, Lee's other aunt


Another boobie post ahead.
I went today's antenatal class on my own. It was the last one and was mainly about breast feeding, which Lee can't really help me with anyway.
Not to mention neither of us has been sleeping well in the past couple of nights for some reason. I managed to sleep 5-6 hours all together last night, but Lee woke up after 2 hours of broken sleep and is still awake, so it was for the best that he didn't come.
Damn, this breastfeeding thing looks harder than I first imagined! Don't want to go into it, but it will be hell of a work at the beginning, that's for sure.
What I didn't know apart from the obvious benefits (Healthier baby, lower risk of getting breast cancer, quicker to get back in shape.) that babies who fed on boobies are growing to talk clearer cause of the early use of their muscles around their mouth, and also has a higher IQ than bottle fed bubbas. Weird?! Makes sense though, after all this is nature's way I reckon, but to be honest I'm still not entirely sure whether I'll be able to whack my tit out in the park/café/store/anywhere in public when it's feeding time. I know it's possible to be done discretely, but might be just timing my trips in that couple of hour periods before and after each feeding...
We went through the delivery suit, the birthing center, looks O.K. and quiet, I'd be happy ish to give birth there; Only in the pool though. The other 'plain' rooms look nice too, but there is no specified bed for birth giving (You know those ones you see in the films/documentaries.) so I can't really imagine how would it be done. Squatting on the floor or over the bed maybe?!
There was another, third type of room for emergencies, where they have more machines (And that kind of 'professional' looking bed.) so they can easily monitor both you and the baby. I guess that's my room then... No pool in there obviously.
And of course there are theatres, and the noisy delivery ward, with tiny rooms and a strict visiting time for dads and family, but we didn't go and check those out. Hope I'll be far from them.

 One of my hospital's rooms in the birthing center

On another note; I ordered my nursery bras yesterday! Yay!
Went into Mothercare where you aren't allowed to try bras on, but I managed to get a fitting done, so I have my official bra size finally which is 42F at the moment, but the woman said it's just the start, I should go from F cup, but most probably will be needing a couple of size bigger later on. Not to mention she measured me with my old bra on (Ain't got a clue what size was I before.) which is way too small and pushing me down.
They didn't have bras in my size, went to a few other shops, they didn't either, so I ended up ordering a couple online.
Also, didn't even know that I'll be needing breast pads! Didn't even know what are they, been just checking out the list for the hospital bag, and it said that mothers most likely to need quite some. It's like a sanitary pad for your boobs basically, to prevent your bra from the milk if it leaks out. Eeek! Some women has it real bad, some doesn't at all. Hope I'll be in the latter category.
Been reading about the water breaking too, some women just feel the urge to go to the loo for a wee, some can actually hear a little bubble pop before the gush. Fun, fun!
So my ideal motherhood (As far as I see at the moment.) would be:
- No morning sickness (Done.)
- No bad mood swings (Done ish.)
- No bad stretch marks (Done for now.)
- No back and leg pain (Boo. No kankles so far though.)
- Bubble popping water breakage
- Short labour
- No horrendous contractions
- No complications
- Easy pop in water, both baby and placenta
- Quick discharge from hospital
- No milk leakage
- Happy, healthy and super calm baby
Well well... One can dream. So far so good though.

Wednesday, 24 August 2011


Had my usual thyroid check-up today and luckily the ward was empty, so I got over with everything just over an hour!
Still have to keep my dose, but I improved a lot in the past months, so everyone was happy with me. The doctor said she still wants me to keep going back, just to be safe... Asked her why do I not feel as hungry as before, she said it's definitely the medication and is a sign of improvement as well. Yay!
She was the one last week, who told me I'm not likely to be able to have a home birth, but I shall still ask the obstetrician, since it's their department.
So I did, right after she checked the bubba's heart rate and movements on a mini scan. I felt her moving around previously while waiting, but she must've known it's no photo time, cause she showed her little back at us, for the first time, snoozing away peacefully.
Anyways, the obstetrician said everything looks perfect, she was well chuffed about the baby's growth and said she doesn't see why wouldn't I be able to have her at home. She said she was more concerned about my blood sugar (Here we go again.) so I have to have a proper test, involving two blood tests in two hours, and two bottles of Lucozade, next Wednesday. She said if everything was right and no complications will be detected in the next couple of months, we can talk about the home birth again.
Not too sure about it anymore though, better be safe I reckon.
It's weird how I was unable to see and imagine the actual birth giving until now. Being hopeful about the home birth made me fantasy about it a lot, and by the looks of it, it started me off, and now I'm able to imagine myself giving birth in the hospital too. Not -too- scared of it and the hospital midwives anymore, and I rather double suffer it, knowing my baby is safe.

Until now, I had these crazy emotional black-outs too, but they seem to be gone now.
Talking about forgetting for a second that I'm actually pregnant, while doing some housework or watching a film, and the lady giving me a massive kick, like she was sensing it and wanted to remind me that she's still here.
Other thing was happening quite often with both of us, is actually realising that we're having a baby. The responsibility of becoming parents just hit us every now and then. We obviously do know it's happening, it just feels unreal, and from time to time we were getting a cheeky slap on the face from life, like -'Wake up, it really is going down guys, ain't no jokes!'.
I reckon the above only been happening since this is going to be our first baby, and it's very much new, we don't yet know how to handle the situation, apart from being utterly happy and excited. The next one will be easier in every kind of way. Hah!
For now both of these side effects are gone, I'm aware every split second that I have this little life in my tummy (Probably cause she's keep moving around like a lunatic lately.) and we do indeed know she'll be among us very very soon.
I just can't wait to meet her now!


When I was squatting I lived with 5 others, two couples and a fella.
We were all friends, it all went well until one of the couples started off some narrow-minded crap.
At the beginning they were not even 'a couple' just one of the many peeps from the big group; Only the guy supposed to live in this house, but they started to see each other pretty much straight after we moved in.
She had problems in her previous long term relationship; She lived with her then boyfriend, and she had to leave that place after the break up, obviously. All in all, it kind of came across like she just hooked up with this guy so she had somewhere to live too... With us.
It was over a year and a half ago, so turns out we all who thought like the above, were wrong. Good for them.
Now they are having a baby. It kind of shocks me, cause I personally haven't ever seen or known this much of an unreliable beings than them two, in my entire life!
She is in her thirties, about 5 years older than him, and is a hairdresser, one of those who has customers waiting for her at their home to get their hairs done. Now, all I remember living with her, is waking up every day around 03-04pm ish (Was working at the Elbow Room back then, usually started at 06pm.) finding her in the kitchen, sipping her morning coffee, declining her customers' calls or bullshitting about why didn't she make the 0130pm appointment. She didn't really give a damn either, was just laughing empty minded. Why surprised then, if you lose your income, and slowly pretty much everyone around you?! I don't like calling anyone stupid, especially people who used to be my mates, but she certainly is quite thick. You get my point...
He is a courier, around let's say 28, and had his pity turns with everyone in the house. Started off with being so proud of his money saving skills, while not spending a penny on food but eating everyone else's. It's not like we wouldn't share what we got, it's that he (and she) didn't even make the effort on buying their own. Thief gypsies, that's how I could describe them.
Then, after quite some time and his disgusting turns with everyone (The another -single- guy we lived with already moved out by then without words, cause he had enough of this nursery like behaviour of theirs.) he started with me, after making myself clear that I didn't care how drunk he was, I didn't want to sleep with him.
Not only he's not my type (Eeek!) but in respect for her. This must've hurt his ego cause he became an utter twat with me straight after.
That's the least really; It started to get a bit too much when he was slagging off Szabolcs, my good friend of years, who he didn't even make the effort to get to know, and when he covered my entire room (Clean bedsheets and washed clothes, just to mention...) with kitchen rubbish, just to show off who wears the trousers in the house or some shit, I reckon?! How old are we, 8?!
As much as it pissed me off (Had to do my washing again, that's it.) it made me laugh for days. No matter what, I call this stupid.
Not my loss anyway, him and her weren't the reason I moved out, I had some savings and wanted to be closer to work (Shoreditch, baby!) and since all the nearby squats started to get evicted, ours were everyone's shelter, hence it slowly turned to a gypsy camp. 20 odd people living in a 4 bedroom house isn't ideal.
Now, my point is, these people aren't seem to be able to be responsible for a little life, are they?!
I know, who am I to judge, but I clearly find them unable to raise and take care of a child, since they were unable to even take care of themselves when they lived among us, friends. Best of luck though, for the sake of that poor little soul!
I'm a realistic person, and I know of myself that I'm not the mock-up mother type either, but I did and do make the effort to look into things, and make the best out of myself, for my baby. Already feel like I've matured and grew a lot, in the past 7 months.
And if I somehow did fail or trip, I'll have Lee whom I know is going to be a perfect dad.

Our squat's livingroom

Tuesday, 23 August 2011


So I've been thinking of a middle name for our little girl in the past few days, since here most of the people have one.
It's tricky though, cause she's got a long name anyway using both our surnames, so it had to be a short one, also, wasn't too sure how would Lee feel about it. I didn't really mind what it is though, had Sue or Ann or something like that in mind.
Turns out Lee was thinking about a middle name too, we just didn't really bring it up for some reason. It makes me wonder what would've happen if I didn't ask him or thought about it?!
Anyways, he wanted something family related so it's going to be Jean, his nan's name who was very much loved and whom I unfortunately haven't had the luck to meet with, cause she's passed away years ago.
So that's that; Lileeva Jean Rothwell-Vatai.


Last weeks antenatal class sucked so much!
First of all, I only had like 4-5 hours sleep the night before, it was warm which makes me super moody, not to mention the midwife who held the class! She's the same person who held the first class and is one of those, who just drags things out for unnecessary long, and it annoyed me unbelievably much.
-'Hello, I'm Christina, I was here with yous on the first class, this is the third out of the four. Today we're going to talk about post-natal care.' simply as it is, right?! Less than 30 seconds I reckon. Instead imagine this: -'Hello, I'm Christina. Can we start? O.K. Do you want to introduce yourselves to each other? So are you fine then, since you all know the others, yes? My name is Christina and I was here with you on the first class. On the first class we were talking about the natural birth. On the second class last week I wasn't here but you met with... Who did you meet with? Oh Brenda... Yes, yes, she is very lovely. Last week you were talking about the complicated birth giving. Now this is your third class, I'm one of the midwives, my name is Christina. Who wants to tell what are we going to talk about today? No one? Now today we are going to talk about post-natal care. Anyone can tell what it is?'
Thought I'm going to smash her face 20 minutes in the class. So much useless information surrounded around the bits of important ones, it was hard to filter them properly, I don't actually have a clue what was the whole meeting about.
I remember her mentioning the baby-blues which can easily turn to depression. She was mainly talking about how a midwife should check the mother and her newborn out a couple of days after birth giving though, not much talk about why does it happen, and what are the symptoms.
The 'annoying' crying baby, and the reasons why she/he is crying so much. Either hungry, either needs to get changed, either too hot, either wants to be close to the parent, either wants to be rocked or carried, or just simply bored out of his/her brain, and wants to scream for the sake of it. Done.
An hour and a half in the class, I was so uncomfortable and pissed off at this midwife and the fact that I could get up if I wanted to, shout at her to pull herself together and walk out, just made me more angry, since I knew staying is for my own good. All my blood went to my limps, I felt my head was about to explode, and no matter how did I fidget my legs and arms went totally numb. (That's the new sign of me being annoyed by the way; Numb hands. Not sure why.)
We had a little break, when Lee suggested just to leave, but as much as I hated myself for it I decided to stay. Luckily the rest was over in like 20 minutes, so there was no blood at the end.
She said there's someone else going to hold the last class this weekend, cause she'll be away. Thanks fuck!


Since we couldn't really afford to go out, we just stayed in on the big day, went to the in-laws for a top notch roast, and was chilling all day, watching films and sorting out some baby clothes.
We go out this Sunday instead, planning on the London Zoo where I got to know one of the staffs through Kátya whom I met the other week, so she can get us in for free. Then tired and hungry we'll be hitting up TGI's, where I've never before been, but sounds yumm! Looking forward to it much, only thing I'm scared of is my back and leg pain.
Might have to squeeze a cheeky massage out of Lee too. Tut tut tut.


Sure I mentioned before that this estate we're living at the moment is pure jokes! You are simply unable to sleep, and of course our sleeping pattern doesn't help either.
Literally the quietest period is between 02am and 07am. Forget to sleep after that; Parents are up, going to work, slamming the door, kids are up screaming, running about on the stairway, banging and so.
I got the point where my professional earplugs started to hurt my ears for using them constantly.
Simply can't wait for the school year to start, and for the weather to cool down so they'd just stuck in the flat with their parents, whom should really make the effort to play with them, or read them fairy tails but hey, as I said in a post earlier, these are different times here and now.
Anyways, after yesterday's pains I luckily managed to have a decent 11 hours sleep finally, was much needed! It's nice and rainy outside, so not many kids are running about, it's not too warm either and I stopped aching too. Yay! Now it's time to do some catch up.
We got more baby clothes! We got a black Puma tracksuit and a grey-pink Puma skirt with a matching T-shirt from our Swiss friend. They are proper cute!
Even though the tracksuit ain't Adidas it still reminds both of us to Jonathan Davis' trademark symbol tracksuit from KoRn, hah!

We also got lots and lots of baby grows and rompers which don't fit Alfie anymore. Would be pointless to take photos of them, cause we're talking about a massive bag of them, which I ain't so keen on taking out then fold them back in nicely. Only a few items to be washed, mainly the brand new stuff, then they go into the bag next to rest, just in case.
After all, we still have a couple of months to go, and not to forget about kitty who sheds her hair, and we don't want the grows to be covered in fur already. Give the little lady a few days before she gets it all.


I'm utterly not up to date, have about 6 or more entries to post. It's not even that I don't have time it's more likely I can't be bothered doing anything.
I'm sleepy all the time, moody, and feeling uncomfortable no matter where do I sit or lay, and have no motivation whatsoever.
Today my friends Molek and Tünde came over, we went for a walk in Victoria Park, it was a nice couple of hours but it left me in pain. Started to feel my lower back first, and as soon as I sat down back home my knees started to ache too.
It was about 11 hours ago and I'm still suffering, bang on the hot water bottle on the waist, and wet clothes on my muscle-rubbed knees.
I reckon it's all starting to come out now, after all I didn't have ridiculous mood-swings, or any other 'problems' in the past 7 months of my pregnancy.
My system might be realising it's time for some symptoms, apart from the big boob and bump effects.

Uncle Mo

Friday, 19 August 2011


I'm officially lost in boobie land. Not boobie, but bra land.
I think I've always been one of those girls who never knew their bra size for 100%, and who's wearing the wrong size in their entire lives.
Already posted about growing quite some throughout my pregnancy, apparently it doesn't stop after either, cause of the milk thing. Since the baby eats more, your system produces more milk, and it needs the space in them jugs. Great.
So it's benefit times finally, therefor time to hit up the shops and buy new bras, cause I'm already falling out of my old ones.
I Googled maternity bras, what being absolutely amateur I'd expected to be the feeding bras, right?! Well... They aren't. They are bras for after breastfeeding, to keep them on their places while you are losing the baby weight, so you're less likely to look as a 90 odd saggy nanny. I suppose anyway, cause apart from 'perfect fitting' the description doesn't really say anything.
Nursing bra it is then! But how to choose the right one, and when shall I buy it? After the baby is here or before, how much my tits going to grow in the next couple of months, how many shall I buy, oh and do I need special ones to sleep in or not?
Luckily I found this site. Very much helpful indeed!
And the size. Damn it, the bloody bra size! I've got the measurements right finally, all I have to do is to find out the cup size. Most of the sites says I'm an H cup already, which is a disaster, cause shops usually do bras only up to F and G cups. H cup in their system doesn't exist or if it does, it costs a fortune.
I'm not the kind of person who's willing to spend £30-50 for one bra, when I'll be needing at least two, but probably more. On other sites I'm somewhere between F and G cup. Uplifting news.
All I have to do now is to get my ass up to Mothercare, and pray for the G cup to fit or even be a little bit big.
Or, in fact, pop in to to Primark, try on many different sizes, find out which fits me the best, and order the right size nursing bra online. Even M&S does them a little bit cheaper, and in a nicer style than Mothercare. Hah!

According to this I'm 40F.

Thursday, 18 August 2011


Last night was one of those again...
I've been chatting with my mate, one of the mums lives back in Hungary, who was asking about the situation here in London. I told her what's going down at the moment, with the benefits, with Lee working outrageous hours to be able to feed us and pay our rent, the council thing and that yes, it is very hard. (I've been to the council the other day by the way, dropped the missing documents off.)
These things are obviously in my mind every single minute of every day, but I just tempt to concentrate on other, positive things, so when they do hit me, they hit me hard. So this got me started, been crying for about half an hour, e-mailing with Lee, who was at work at the time and who tried pulling me together. It did help though.
He always makes me sure that he is there, and he loves me. He says that as long as we have each other we will be fine, and I know it's true. No matter how hard it gets, we are going to make it.
So far so good, we are prefect together. When I'm down, he always pulls me out of it, when he feels crap, I try and talk him out of it. (Of course it's more likely me having a moment, blame it on the hormones.)
Last night he had his turn too though. I was already asleep when he got back from work, I knew his manager wanted to have a chat with him about the day job he applied for at the same company. He found out he didn't get it and was very upset.
It's not even Stuart's (The night manager.) responsibility to tell him, but the day managers are being sly about hiring someone else from outside the company. I can't stand spineless cunts like these. They knew how much he needed this day job, and screwed him over.
He works Monday to Friday now, only nights, finishing at stupid o'clock every morning (Between 01am-07am.) which he didn't want to continue when the baby is here, to be able to spend time with us, and help me with the nights. So he applied for the day position, Monday to Friday 10am-07pm.
It would've came handy, if we had to move out of London too, cause then he would've been able to travel to and from work by train when, if he finished at 03am, there is no chance he manages home (To Essex for example.) before dawn.

 Anyways, luckily Stuart offered him another, '4 on 4 off' position, that could work out quite well too.
He'll be doing four 12 hour night shifts 07pm-07am, then will have four day offs. It's a bummer on the way that he won't be having the Bank Holidays, and will have to work every other Christmas and New Year's Eve, and of course that he'll be away night times.
On the another hand, this has benefits too, since he'll be forced not to sleep throughout the entire day on his offs, and will be able to spend the day with us, just as the nights. Hopefully our daughter will be a little sleepy-head just like her parents, but not a biggie if she isn't; I'll be keeping up with her when Lee's at work, and sleep on the following days, when he's at home.
This also encourages me to try and push things forward at the council. Since I'm going to have to go back to work when she's only 6 months old, and probably will be working the same days as Lee does, at least a couple of times a week, we will need his parents' help, which we already got offered. I don't want a nanny, rather have a family member to raise my baby, than an unknown someone.
It's a big motivation for finding a place to live nearby, or at least inside London.
So we stayed up for a couple of hours, laying in bed cuddling, and talking about the future.
The future what we can't yet imagine, let alone see, but I'm pretty sure everything happens for a reason, and on the way it supposed to. We might not yet able to see it, but I think it will all work out the best for us.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011


While I was in the hospital, thought I'll go and get over with my blood test, since I'll be going for my monthly thyroid check up next week, and didn't want to go for the blood test on Friday, when I have to go back again for the antenatal class on Saturday (That's when the blood department is obviously closed.), three times in the hospital the same week ain't my cup of tea.
For some reason the order what's the blood for wasn't in the system, so they sent me back to the antenatal clinic, to speak with someone who can put the description in the computer. Forgot it was Wednesday, the day I keep having to go back, and is full of patients.
I managed to catch the doctor I usually see, way too quick, which made me think of I shall do the same always I'm there, instead of waiting over 2 hours each time, just to be talked about my health, having the exact same conversation every 4 weeks.
I like this doctor though, she sorted the problem straight away and had a chat with me, she at least doesn't mind making the effort and to explain things.
Told her Eyebrows said everything looks good with the baby, so if I could, I wanted to go for the home birth option. She told me it's out of her hands, I shall talk to the obstetrician next week, but she doubts they'll allow me to, since the bubba might has an overactive thyroid too, and the symptoms could kick off during the pressure of birth, which means she could start shaking and her heart could start racing outrageously. If they then failed transferring me to the hospital quick enough, she could basically have a heart attack and her little drum could stop... Sigh. We clearly don't want such things!
While in the hospital, they can monitor both me and the baby, and if anything would go wrong they can just press a button and the doctor can be there within minutes.
She also said I'm not likely to have a C section, since I'm young, and if I let the doctors know about my plans they'll be helpful, cause they like women who aren't just go with it, but have concrete ideas about their labour. She also advised me to stay home during the first period of my labour, cause that also reduces the chance of Caesarean, since I'm not stressing as much.
Not the best of news but hey, gotta go with it I guess.


We went for our third scan today, a growth aka well being scan.
As it happens, we got the same nurse who checked me out the first time, Mrs. Eyebrows. I don't like her. She wasn't as bad as the first time though but still, her face annoys me.
I asked if she could check my baby's gender again, just to make sure, she said it's a growth scan so she's not going to look or dig for it, unless it pops right out and she sees it anyway. Pfh, fair enough... Like it would take so much of her precious time and energy.
Her little legs were together, so we didn't get the chance to have a little peek in between, at the end. After that, I didn't even ask her about whether or not she's fine with us flashing a light to the wall of my stomach to see if she moves her head away (To check her optical nerves.) cause I couldn't be bothered, I knew she would just piss me off with her up-stage behaviour.
The lady looks so different! Her face changed so much in the past few weeks, it's unbelievable. Scan photos obviously can't give a perfect picture of how she will look when she's here, but I was right when I said she'll look like her daddy.
She's got Lee's receding chin, and his sexy long nose luckily! (I hate my potato nose.) She's still got a massive upper lip, looks like she didn't stop pouting in the past 2 months and it stayed like that haha!
As soon as the attention was on her she gave us a big yawn, looked like she wanted to show how bored she is in there.

Her measurements are fine, absolutely average, so there's nothing to worry about. Her weight is 1193 g ~ 2.6 lbs which is the third of what babies born with. This worried me a little, after all I'm in the third trimester already, but I found a fetus growth chart and calculator which says it's normal. I reckon she was mainly developing and strengthen her system until now, and only now is going to start to concentrate on putting on those cute baby chubs.
I weight myself too while I was there, and turns out I put on 9 kg ~ 19.8 lbs not 6 kg ~ 13.2 lbs. Sounds more accurate.
I wonder how much the fluid weights what she's in though... Doubt it's 7.8 kg ~ 17.2 lbs. Imagine that in cider! 17 pints of cider! Uh oh the alcohol issue. Let's not imagine more of that, otherwise I start to dribble, hah!

Tuesday, 16 August 2011


O.K., I don't quite understand how does this weight gain work during pregnancy.
I put on just over 6 kg ~ 13.2 lbs in the first, let's say 4 months. I weight myself a couple of days ago, since I started to look bigger (Post 77.), proper bump, bigger thighs and bum... And according to the scale I didn't put on anything, in the past over 2 months!
I know I'm not done yet, and there's still another 12 weeks to go, but even if I considered myself overweight (Which I don't think I was.) the normal weight gain in 9 months is between 7-11 kg ~ 15.4-24.2 lbs. So I still need to put on at least a couple of more pounds to reach the under line limit of overweight people's. Weird much?! (Normal weight gain is between 15-20 kg ~ 33-44 lbs.)
Mum said it could be cause I've never been a skinny type, so I didn't have to put on that extra weight what makes tiny women stronger and able to physically carry the baby, so I should be happy, after all I mainly put on the baby's and the water's weight yet.
She was one of those tiny women who put on 20 kg ~ 44 lbs with me, but said it was mainly the water in her, not just my fluid I was skinny dipping in, but water everywhere in her system. My family has an aptitude for that (Bless my cousin, she was massive after having her son!), so I shouldn't be too surprised if that happened to me too.
Basically what it is; Since you drink lots of liquid, the water stays in your system, technically on/under your fat (Like when you cook something greasy and the cold water doesn't help, the oil just floats on top of it.) and is a bitch to get rid off.
Anyways, what matters is, my baby to be a healthy size, and that how much weight I lose after giving birth, right?! Think there's going to be a serious session of nettle tea course over the winter, hah!
But not to forget about the simplest explanations; My medication might be keeping my weight down, just as there is a high chance of the scale not working properly.
Also as I found out today, my boobs are possibly going to get even bigger (!) when my milk kicks in, and I start to breast feed. Man, seriously...
I went in to Mothercare to look for maternity bras. The biggest cup I've seen was G. I'm a cup H already, I think. I soon to be able to play helicopter when I twist and twirl.
At least the stretch marks ain't too bad yet. Better start bang on my Vitamin E though, I have way too many on stock and never used it, here's the perfect time I say.

And a photo from today. Definitely big and bumpy.
She is my long time not seen friend Kátya, from Hungary, who lives in Sweden now. I absolutely forgot that she used to work in Heathrow, so could ask her a few questions about flying with an infant. (Post 40.)
She said mums are able to bring made up baby bottles to flights (Regardless whether or not it's a 100 ml or 260 ml one.), the security just make you taste it, before boarding. So that's a good thing, but seriously, if I was a terrorist I would rather hide the bomb in my stomach than in the baby bottle, nah?! Duh!


We had our second antenatal class last Saturday. This was about complicated child birth aka what could go wrong.
We were talking about Caesareans first of all, planned and emergency ones, and anesthetics. For example I didn't know they rather put the woman asleep if she's about to have an emergency C section, since it's quicker than the local anesthetic injection. Makes sense though.
Then we went through of other options like forceps and it amazed me how many mums (And dad-to-bes.) were shocked of the thought of using a clamp over a major operation. I understand there are different situations for the uses of both, like if the baby was in breech (In a not head-first position.) during labour they can only do a C section, but if the baby is head first but kind of stucks for a long time, they use a forceps which helps to pull it's little head out, and from then on the labour can go on normally. How can anyone prefer a Caesarean over this, seriously?!
The midwife also explained the importance of umbilical cord, which is technically the little one's life line and as soon as it stops pulsing the baby is no longer supported by us. Therefor it's important for the bubba to come out first, otherwise it can be fatal, since the cord stops pulsing and pumping the life not long after it or any of it's part is out. She said there were examples when she had to push the cord back and keeping it there until the ambulance has arrived to the hospital with them. Kind of have a funny image in my head but how horrible and embarrassing it could be, both for the mum and for the midwife!
She said that's the reason of having a maximum limit of 42 weeks in pregnancy, cause that's when the umbilical cord slows down and stops pulsing, no matter that it's still inside- That's when it's job is done for sure, when the baby is 200% ready for life.
We were also talking about forms of inductions, sweep, creams, injections and breaking the water, which can be requested pretty much any time after the 40th week and usually works in a day or so. It made me think straight away that if I'm late I might would go for it (sweep and/or creams only.) so I could have her on the 11th, which isn't just a pretty number, but my originally calculated due date.
Lee said I shouldn't and I as well have high hopes for the lady to come that day by herself, anyway
I might be absolutely fed up and ultra moody by then, so it could be all of our interest. We will see.


I went on the mad thinking spree again, now about vegetarianism.
I've never tried to be one, but I don't judge these guys. Since I'm into this psy-trance-hippie industry I have quite a few friends who don't eat meat, let alone even a vegan mate. All my respect really, I wouldn't be able to do it, too much of a self control (Which I don't think I have.) and yes, I love meat.
No beef or pork please unless they are well spiced, but chicken, turkey and alright, those bacon strips! For example a sandwich has to include salami on it, just as a pizza has to have ham or pepperoni on it, but pasta can come plain just with cheese and sour cream. And since I don't eat many sarnies or pizzas I can count on one hand how many times I eat meat weekly; I still wouldn't want to use the term vegetarian on myself, or force myself to give something up I like.
I understand and agree with this 'love nature and love the animals' thing, but I'm selfish if it comes to food. (If that's what you want to hear or want me to consider myself as.)
Uh oh, and there are these fake vegetarian people whom consider themselves meat free... Apart from fish. I mean, hello?!  Do fishes not have meaty tissues on them?
Or I had this mate who I liked to get mashed with, and was one of those 'I'm a hippie. I'm a vegetarian. I only dig organic stuffs' person... Only on the outside though, a massive faker who every time I got pissed with, and went to the off license for more alcoholic beverage had the munchies on for those salami sticks or kebab.
Yes, I do have problems with these, but that's another story. I can not stand fake people.
So back to the point; I don't really agree with people who raise their kid as a vegetarian. It's like not giving an option for the little one. Obviously my thinking would be different if I was one I suppose, but it just doesn't seem right.
And the in-your-face, show off vegetarians... I do pity those too. Everyone has an opinion, I don't hate or pity them because they don't eat meat, I pity them cause they are the one judging me and what I eat.
It's pathetic. For example I'm on this forum and I temped to mention what I'm writing about now, and this mum jumped at me straight away. Like what the fuck?! Can I not have an honest opinion?! I didn't say I hate her, but I do hate this mentality. Pathetic.
For example if I was a vegetarian and my partner wasn't, I'd make sure my partner prepared to our girl some meaty food every now and then, would explain to her what's what when she is old enough and let her choose whatever she wants to do. Although, if I was a vegetarian I probably wouldn't be going out with a meat eater.
In the case where both parents are vegetarians, can imagine it could be an issue. Especially if they were one of those people, like a friend of mine, who's simply disgusted by any kind of meat. I was working with her in this pub where she was the chef, and had to prepare every kind of food and it was very difficult for her.
Even if it was against me and partner's likes, I still would introduce the little one to meat, after all it doesn't do you bad, does it?! Like as Lee pointed it out this morning; She could have those 3 months+ baby foods, them 'all-in-one' apple-pumpkin-chicken ones so we wouldn't even have to touch the meat, then later on eat school lunches with meat in them, even though we would cook vegetarian foods at home. Least it'd motivate her to learn to cook for herself after a while, if she decided not to be a vegetarian.
It's all just speculation anyway, but (Without being judgmental here.) I rather think of myself as someone who gave a choice to her baby.
On the same note; Watch Epic Meal Time. So wrong, but so good.

Monday, 15 August 2011


One of Lee's aunts, Lesley, got us a baby present a while ago but she kept forgetting to bring it with her when she came on the weekends, but now!
She said she was worried about the color cause -the first thing we told everyone when we found out we're having a girl- we didn't want anything in pink, but...
On the pictures you can't see it properly, but the grow is dirty baby pink with dark purple dots on it, which I think is cute since I like dirty colors. Same as and one of the bibs, while the other one is white. Loving it!

Sunday, 14 August 2011


Today was Louise's birthday, who got released from the hospital for the day, so finally could spend some time with all of us together, in a much nicer atmosphere.
We arrived to the in-law's about 1130am, thought we are going to be late but turned out to be pretty much the first people there. It was nice seeing Lou out finally, and also meeting with the rest of Lee's family whom I never before got to see. Damn, he's got a big ass family! All them aunts, uncles, cousins, their childhood friends and their babies... There were people everywhere, for time being there were quite some of us who couldn't even grab a seat, even though we were in the kitchen, living room and garden.
There was about an hour when I got well fed up, everyone was getting smashed while I couldn't drink, when I did have a drop I didn't like it, and didn't even hit me, there were almost everyone (Whom I don't actually know and I'm shit in this first time talking thing.) sitting inside, where Lee didn't want to be cause he couldn't chainsmoke with his JDs, and where weren't many available seats so I stuck outside... Where was way too hot an sunny, which I let alone can't stand but makes me moody and tired. Yeah that's it, my daily mood swings.
Anyways, I managed to hide inside from the heat just in time, that's when Lee's dad notified me that yes, I do want to have Alfie, since he's asleep and he can't be bothered walking around with him anymore. I told him to leave it out, cause every time I have him he starts to cry (I noticed he pretty much only does it with women for some reason?!) and I always feel well embarrassed, especially in front of Louise, I mean it's her baby.
Yeah, so I had no choice, and as it happens, he woke up when being transferred from Craig to me and started going off on one. I lied him down flat ish on the boob-pillow, which seemed to be doing it for him luckily, he looked well comfy, yumming and dribbling away cuddling the old gazoongas. Victory!

Friday, 12 August 2011


I'm way too tired nowadays. Apparently it's normal here at the edge of the third trimester, but I feel really uncomfortable with it. Only cause I don't want to oversleep now, and sleep for weeks. I know I could though, it just wouldn't do me any good I think?
Anyhow, I might as well going to give it a try, cause I'm feeling way too exhausted, therefor frustrated and moany. Bless Lee. Especially now when he decided to try and sleep less and actually get on with living on days.
Whatever. I can't even think right now. I'm off to bed. Yawn.

Wednesday, 10 August 2011


One of my friends posted a status on Facebook, something like 'put this as your status if you have a mum who you can't thank enough what she's done for you, she'd do anything to help you even to give her own heart if you were needing it, and who put her own life aside for yours' and stuff.
It made me feel a little guilty cause me and my mum never been bounded like this. I know she loves me and stuff, but where was this love when she kept slamming the door at me, shouting and blaming me for things I've never done, and calling me a useless whore?! I know she regrets it (Is that if she remembers. She told me not long ago, she doesn't... Hm.) but still, these awful things rather to stick in you than the nice ones, don't they?!
I think I feel guilty cause I'm not quite a person she wanted, I'm nothing like her but my dad (How many times I've heard this thrown back at me in an argument.), and because I don't have a brother or sister who she can love more than she loves me, and who actually can give her whatever she needs, not like me.
I'm with her, kind of like my cat with me; Good to know that she exists, but I don't like to cuddle her or being around her. It makes me an awful person saying all this out loud, but in my opinion there's no point hiding it.
It's not easy coming from a broken family either. Never easy to see and hear fights, to separate, to be raised by only one of your parents. It's not healthy both for the kid and for the parent, I mean one of the parents is heartbroken, the other has double as pressure to handle, and the child is being raised by only one of them, sees and hears only one opinion instead of two.
And, unfortunately, nowadays it's more common than to have a 'proper' family.

I shall always think of what is the best for my baby and not what's for me. I never want to shout at her, comparing her to her dad if she's done something wrong and to myself if she's done something right (Pathetic.), I would never want her to hear us fight, let alone to have to live apart from either of us.
I can't see it happening luckily, neither of us do, that's why we are going into this family thing after all. But still, if anything bad would go down in the future, I believe Lee is the kind of person who understands an issue and we'd be able to sort things out.

Other thing I was wondering about lately, is the soul question. I certainly would not be the same person if I was from my mum's first marriage, different looks and raising, possibly a whole family, maybe brothers and sisters, all this would've made me different. But somehow... Would I be the same?
Would I have been gotten the same soul? Would my thinking be the same? Would I be sitting here with the same mind and general feelings, thinking about souls, dreaming and thinking?
So what is soul really? And how do you become the person who you actually are? Where is your spirit, your mind and yourself  from? Would my baby's soul be the same if she was born a few years ago from my previous relationship? Or, I go one better, would her soul be the same if me and Lee had her not now, but in like 5 years time? And when does she get her soul from?
I mean that's quite clear why abortion is forbidden after some time (24 weeks gone in pregnancy.), cause from then on she considered an 'official' baby rather than a fetus. But when exactly will she have her own soul? At around that time, or way before for example when she conceived or in fact later, right before or after the birth? And what does it depend on which and what kind of soul do we get for our body?
Either way, I do believe in 'soulmates'. There are definitely people out there with similar interests and minds than others, even though they are from a completely different background.

Tuesday, 9 August 2011


This post is going to be a little different. It's about our cat.
She was born a day before my birthday in January and we got her when she was around 6 weeks old. She was litter trained so it wasn't our merit but the person's who's cat gave birth to her.
Ever since we have her I'm the dominant on raising her and Lee is the one responsible for the play time. I started to train her from the very beginning so every time she done something wrong (Licking empty ish plates and chewing the wires.) she heard me -'Oi!' at her and felt a little slap on her nose. So far so good, she learned what and what not to do, of course it doesn't mean she isn't anymore cheeky and not sneaking near to greasy plates. In fact, sometimes a loud -'Oi!' doesn't even do the job, she just looks at me, wonders whether or not she's busted so I have to make a quick move, pretending I'm getting up of the sofa then she clicks and runs off.
Also, she's a scaredy cat, doesn't really like other people and hates strokes and cuddles even from us. She just runs up and down like a lunatic, bites us for fun (I reckon this is the way of her showing she wants to play.) and so on. It didn't even change after getting her spaded, but hey, we're getting used to it.
We used to let her in the bedroom but was way too noisy and she didn't let us sleep, so we started to lock her out and what I've noticed was, that each morning after waking up she was all over me, sitting on my lap purring for cuddles. Result! We are letting her in the bedroom every now and again when we see her being sleepy, then so she jumps on the bed, curls up by our feet and sleeps with us. As soon as we touch or stroke her she jumps off though and walks out. Of course sometimes we make mistakes too with thinking she's all calm, then when we lies down she starts jumping on us or playing with the duvet so we have to get up and lock her out again.
Now here is the interesting thing; All she knows if she's in that room with us she either has to chill or gets locked out. So the other night I left the door open, tucked myself in to bed, she came up, lied on the bed then after a few minutes, jumped off, went downstairs then a little later all I heard on the wooden stairs was her little paws and some other, weird noise like she was carrying something.
There she was, bringing her little toy mouse up to play with. How clever! We obviously lock her out cause of the noise she makes, but she clearly doesn't know this, does she?! So just used her little brain to figure out, if she wanted to be around us she better find something to play with other than our duvet or attacking our feet.
Only making this entry cause my raising skills amazed me much haha! I know she's just a cat and can't even be compared to a little baby, but I'm well chuffed.
Even though she's more like a dog, she only comes when she wants strokes, she likes to be around us but not with us, she waggles her tail when she's happy, she chases her tail and shadow and sleeps by our feet, I'm happy with her and with myself too. Hah!

Sunday, 7 August 2011


So I'm in week 27 now and apparently cramps are very much indeed common at this stage. From this stage to be precise. If it does become a daily method I'll be unable to walk by when the baby decides to pop her cute little head out.
Also, now she sleeps and wakes at regular intervals (Which luckily ain't too different from mine.) we don't cause too much trouble for each other. Obviously can't say for sure that she's deeply asleep when I am, but since I'm not much of a good sleeper, I'm sure she could easily wake me up with a kick or two if she wanted to.
'Sweet dreams, little baby! Some experts believe that babies begin to dream by week 27. What do they dream about? No one knows for sure but your baby's brain is certainly active now. The characteristic grooves on her brain's surface is starting to appear and more brain tissue is developing.'
I wonder whether or not my dreams affect her, or her dreams?! My feelings and thoughts surely do (It's what I believe anyway.), but how about dreams?!
No one knows what dreams are, where do they come from, what do they symbolize. There is this chemical in everyone's brain called DMT which is responsible for dreaming and which can be recreated and bought as an illegal  hallucinogenic drug, causing probably the vividest hallucination known to mankind. I'm not talking about LSD or magic mushroom kind of trips, I'm talking about crossing dimensions. After all, we all are in a different dimension when are asleep and dreaming, and every living soul on Earth have broken the law who dreamt at least once in his life. Since we all are individuals my dreams don't affect you, no matter if I'm having a nightmare right next to you, you still might be having the dream of your life... And all the way round. (See how interesting it is; My feelings might affect your feelings and my thoughts can affect yours, your thinking. But not dreams.)
But it can be different while pregnant. The baby is to grow to be an individual but for 9 months she needs more support than any other time in her life. I eat for her, I breath for her, my system is her home. She is in me, therefor until she comes out, she is me.
Another thing what makes me wonder, is music. Can she hear it when I'm listening it through my earphones?! I assume no, cause it's in my head not in hers, right?! She might be feeling it though in two ways; She probably notices my mood change and body movements, relaxed muscles around her or dancing with her for example. And the waves of the sound maybe?! You know, how you can feel the high-pitch in your head and the bass in your stomach. Since she is so tiny and delicate I'm sure she can feel the waves of the music through my cells, if it makes sense. But can she hear it?
These things are bloody well interesting and I'm never going to find out the truth, damn it!


Yesterday we popped in to Lee's parents to see the family, and we ended up coming home with two bags of teddies. This what happens when Lee's dad cleaning the shed. We done a bit of selecting and I chucked them all in the washing machine so they are in a nicer, cuddly state now.
Even though a couple of them reminds me of my own teddies from the past, I have to tell I don't feel as cool and special as before, when we only had the monsters.
But I suppose it's better this way, you gotta give a choice to the little lady, for example if we only dressed her in black from the very beginning, she might end up growing to fancy the opposite, like nasty, a gold tracksuit and what not.
So have to be careful as well, cause you wouldn't want your kid to be bullied for being an outsider and not having one single 'standard' teddy. You want her to be an outsider, cause she is the coolest bird in the nursery! Done.
And that so will happen, no doubt.


Today I've woken with both my claves in a cramp lock, damn it! I know it most probably has nothing to do with pregnancy (Even though I had cramp in my right claf yesterday morning too.) I'm just saying it, cause it hurts so much I almost fell down the stairs. And what would my blog be like without moaning anyways?! Daaa!
Official moan-news: Baby hates ham and mayo. I know it's her, cause if I didn't like them, I wouldn't eat them, but I do like them, I do eat them, and I do suffer the consequences. Obviously gave them a chance separately too, but no luck; Ham gives me the previously mentioned awful heartburn (Incredible how a water thin slice on a toast can make me suffer!) and mayo, well let's just say it feels like my bum spits acid afterwards.
Makes me think of being lactose intolerant though, but I'm not too worried, since eating serious amount of cheese, a drop of coffee in my morning jug of milk, and eating sour cream doesn't seem to irritate me. As much as mayo.
And the following note is especially for you, my haters: I put on weight! To places I'm not likely being able to lose it from, without making some serious effort. For quite some time I thought (Hoped.) that I'm going to be a bumpy pregnant, but no. Some point last week I realised my baggy trousers fit on my ass perfectly, my home-wear shorts are getting tighter around my thighs and also, started to grow a little chin here, the love handles still exist, and there might be a little wing thing going on too, but it's not as visible yet.
But you know what?! I have the perfect man, I have the perfect baby, I have the perfect cat, I have perfect friends and I have the perfect life. So who the hell needs a perfect body?!


Since my last post I can't feel nothing else, but the lady kicking, twisting and turning haha! Not like I'm complaining, in fact I'm bare happy about it.
And another happy note: I might be able to do the home birth thing!
We went to our first antenatal class today and have to admit it was fun! The first session was about normal/natural, complication free birth giving. I got to understood a lot of things so I feel absolutely relieved. No more worries and scared of being lost.
The midwife who held the meeting, an African woman was one of the funniest thing, even though it was sometimes hard to understand what she was saying, and she repeated herself quite a lot, she cheered everyone up with her stories and -if that's an appropriate way to say- acting.
For example there was this tiny baby doll she used, to show things on then, when she was done just dropped it face first to the table... In front of around 20 preggers women and their partners. We all were cracking up, like what the hell?! Then when one of the mum-to-bes asked her about a twin related question she was like -'Wow, twins, good good, buy one get one free, eh?!' and, the most memorable for all of us; The birth partner's support. She explained how important it is, that the partner no matter what, shall smile and be there for the grumpy moany woman in labour, and yes, they can help a lot with kissing their woman, massage their back, make a tea and a toast for the midwife, as if the midwife is happy, everyone is happy. Legendary!
She was one of the 6 midwives who do home births rather than working in a hospital, so was very supportive with everyone who was unsure where to have their baby, I even chance to say she's one of those people who are kind of against hospital births. Result! She said even though my condition is high risk, my pregnancy doesn't particularly considered high risk, so I shall call Maternity Helpline and my current midwife who has access for all my details, and ask around whether or not is safe to give birth at home, and if they say yes, I can call her to arrange the rest.
I'm having a scan, a hospital check-up and an appointment with my midwife in the next 3-4 weeks, so I'll have the opportunity to ask all of their opinion.
After all, I'm fine with or without my medication and since my girl already has her own thyroid it doesn't really make a difference on her condition either, therefor if she is fine too it all depends on how nice the doctors are, really. In my opinion, anyway. Fingers bloody crossed! I understand there will be further tests to be done both on me and on the baby after the birth, but I assume it can be done a day or two after the delivery, with visiting the hospital?!
Didn't really mention, why do I want to go for this option... Obviously I have issues with my hospital and it's doctors (Post 55.) as well as I know I'd be able to give birth easier in a comfortable and well known atmosphere, rather than in a cold delivery suit, with people walking in and out of the room.
Lee is much more understanding about the whole thing as well since he was there with me the whole time, and I'm sure, hearing all the benefits of home birth from not just me, but from an experienced midwife too, made him more confident about it.
So let's hope the best!

Thursday, 4 August 2011


Last night I finally felt our daughter's kick from the outside too! I was waiting for it for ages, I'm a happy bunny now.
She had these kind of kicks for quite some time now, but every time I put my hand on my tummy she stopped moving around, so I thought I only felt them from the inside. Suppose I shouldn't have pushed the bump, only supposed to lie my palm on it, then so I might have been able to feel it earlier. Nevermind.
When I say 'these kind of kicks' I mean little tickling-twitching ones, 5 or 6 after each other on the same spot. Usually on my left side when I lay in bed and on the right daytime, when I'm sitting up.
Even just a few minutes ago I was resting my arm on the bump and not just felt but saw it jump. Luckily Lee is sitting next to me this time, so I made him put his hand to the point I suppose her legs are and that's we were, waiting. I felt a few pokes but Lee said he wasn't sure whether or not he felt the baby or just my insides moving. I was just about to tell him that my insides are actually behind and above the baby when she gave us another kick, and Lee felt it this time finally.
So with this, one of our missions is complete. Yay!

Wednesday, 3 August 2011


We ordered our first set of UglyDolls today. They are the 34-35 cm ~ 14 inch ones, cute and colorful and cuddly and can't wait to receive them. Most probably even I will be sleeping with them before the little lady gets here. Aww.


It's way too hot in London the past week or so, I want to do nothing but hide in a dark damp corner and sleep.
No motivation whatsoever.
Anyways, I finally made the effort and had a look into re-usable aka washable nappies. I asked around my friends who already have kids, they were giving me links for forums and told me what's what, but I have to admit I didn't understand a word! Made me think of school, when you had to read something, you knew it had to be understood for a deadline, but it just wasn't happening.
So instead of reading the unidentified words again and again, I did what amateurs do best; Improvise. My friend mentioned the brand, Bambino Mio which I've seen an advertisement of in one of my 'pregnancy bibles' so thought that should be it, a UK brand; Can't really go wrong with that one. So I Googled.
And finally understood how does this inside-outside washable nappy thing work. It's kind of like a period thing with women; You have the panties on and have a sanitary pad in, too. You change the pad as many times as it needed daily, but you don't change your pants each time as they don't get dirty. (Let's not talk about tampons, and what if they did get dirty.) Same with these nappies; You have a funky cover which doesn't really get dirty, and have an inside bit which needs to be changed as many times as the little one pees or poos in it, but instead of chucking them out, you just put them in the washing machine and you're done.
I'm not one of those bio persons, I don't even recycle (Hate me!) or anything, the main thing is the money. Why would I want to spend more than needed?! It's like, why would I want to go to the corner shop daily and deal with the prices and the 70p card charge, when I can go to Iceland once a month, spend a bigger amount, and know I have the fridge full for weeks!?
Bambino Mio does sets so that's what we are going to go for. We'll be buying a 'Birth to Potty' one, which includes different sizes of both sides, newborn, small, medium, large and extra large. This costs about £200 and is enough til she manages the toilet project, which is different with every child but could take up to a couple of years.
Also, with this, there won't be such issues like -'Shit, I'm almost out of nappies, it's Boxing Day and nothing's open!' or -'Bollocks, we just bought this pack and she grew out of them without using any of them.' so we literally spend on nappies once, and we don't have to worry about them anymore.
Can even keep them, so if we wanted more kids later in life (We will.) they will have nappies too. Or, if we needed to change either the in- or outsides, we are able to buy them separate (A set of insides is around £20 and an outside is £8/each) which I think is brilliant... You never know, our little girl might be having a soft spot for beetroot -like I did- and there is no chance you are able to wash that bad boy out of nappies.
We'll be having disposable ones too though, especially at the very beginning, when the little one uses a lot of nappies daily, and also as I'm not quite sure about how washable the breast milk poo either!? Also the disposable ones would come handy when we are out visiting friends, it's easier to just chuck them to the bin rather than keeping them in your bag, stinking, for hours.
All in all, I did a calculation and it turns out we'll be saving at least around £260-300 on nappies if we are going for this option.
Sha-ting! Bang tidy!
And they are cute too.

Monday, 1 August 2011


On Saturday me and Lee were babysitting Alfie again.
We went to our friend's birthday BBQ first (I had a pint and a half of cider, been a while and it felt way too nice, even think Lileeva liked it.) then up to the hospital to see Louise and let the in-laws go out, we took over of looking after the little man. He had bit of a crying session in the hospital and Lou said she never seen him like this. We made her sure it's not me strangling him when they all turn around, but is having fits daily, for about an hour or two and neither of us or the in-laws can do anything about it.
We were lucky this time, cause he fell asleep in the car on the way home, but I had to change his nappy just in case and put him into his pj's. This was the second time I changed a baby in my life (Him and him.) and I done it pretty much on my own, quicker than the first time, and have to admit it was pretty easy. I know I'll have lots and lots of time to practice, but still.
He obviously woke up and being tired and grumpy made him start his evening crying fit, and he never stops it for me (I suppose he feels that I'm not experienced and not too comfortable of holding him; He's obviously someone else's baby and I'm scared of dropping him and stuff.) but Lee gave him a bottle, and it shut him up, in fact he fell asleep before finishing it, around 10pm and was still asleep when we left at 02am.
I know I'm going to be more comfortable with my own baby but I still have hopes for her being calm, or if she cried she done it for a reason not just out of boredom. Anyways, I'm sure we'll be alright, after all many parents can deal with their baby's colic syndrome, why couldn't I?!
Suppose everything will come naturally once the time is here.


Today I've seen the lady kick finally! She has obvious movements now and stronger, poking kicks so I thought I lay on my back for a little while with my bump uncovered and see what she does. I told her to -'Kick please!' and there they were, every time I repeated the request she was giving me little kicks, stronger or weaker but I was able to see one of them. The next step is to feel them from the outside and Lee to feel or see them too.
As of she got tired she stopped, then PuddyKat jumped on my belly, wanting some strokes and when she started to purr I felt my little girl moving around again. Must've been woken up by the close noise.
Here we are, Lee's three girls.