Now, I was O.K. until last night, when I had the freakiest bloody dream for a long time! Was very close to cry when I woke up, but I pulled myself out of dreamland very quick, so it only left me breathless. I'm good in doing this by the way, I have numerous sleeping disorders, paralysis just to mention the worst (Only found out not long ago, that it can be caused by thyroid disorders.), so I got to learn how to wake myself up, realising I'm still dreaming, and to give myself that 'kick' while still asleep.
So far the dreams I had about the baby, from the earliest to the one I had yesterday;
When I was around 8-10 weeks pregnant I dreamt about looking at her laying in a white and pink Moses basket. It was a she, and her name was Louise like Lee's sister's... And it wasn't even just the name, it was actually her, Lou, when she was a baby. From then on I kind of sensed we are having a girl.
I'm sure I had a few other dreams the next couple of weeks about a girl, but can't really remember for sure. Next memorable one was around the time we were deciding about the names, and in my dream Lee wanted to call him Montgomery haha! It was the first and only dream of a boy though. We didn't yet know for sure what we are having back then.
It was still before the 20th week I think, and about me giving birth in public, on a picnic trip, next to a green forest. Wasn't painful at all, looked at Lee and told him that's that, the baby is coming, and it just popped out, somehow in the water, even though I was standing on some old concrete steps. The weather was cool and sunny, the water I was standing in was nice and cold, like early spring. Weren't many people around either, until I had the bubba... Then these tattooed punk looking priests started to come, many of them, like the whole Vatican, and they wanted to take it and gave him/her a massive wooden cross to wear. Weird? Can't even remember whether or not I gave the baby to them.
Anyways, I focus on the pain free labour bit, it was nice. Especially in that atmosphere, cause the weather described above always used to drag me back down to my depression, every year for many years now, so it's good to have some positive experience with it, even though it was just a dream, not a real life one.
Hmm... This wasn't the best. I had a house party but I was somehow still living in a squat, in a massive warehouse. All my friends were there off their faces, it was early morning and Lee was still at work, I was in bed with the baby in the Moses basket next to me. I got up and took her downstairs when I went to check up on my mates, didn't want to leave her alone. She was only about 3 months old or so.
My -not even close- friends offered to look after her a little while cause I was exhausted, so I went back to sleep, but woke up after like 20-30 minutes missing her, so I went down just to find her little face covered in chocolate what my friends were feeding her with. This was alright ish with me, but I took her to bring back upstairs and there were these toothpicks hanging out of her little mouth. She wasn't chocking on them or anything, but could have if I stayed asleep for longer.
I reckon it was about the motherly instinct and that no matter how much I would want to hang out, or will go out partying with my mates in the future, I will constantly miss the little thing.
And last night's madness. I went to this massive 47 floor high building, which yet was only half built, the lift was only running to the 20th floor. This is where I went to the vets to get the cat and myself checked out see if we had fleas. We didn't.
Then I ended up (Without the cat now.) in this massive hospital but warehouse like corridor in the same building, every room had different musics playing, but the club just opened so weren't many people around, in fact the organizers were still decorating. In the last room there was Katie Price and I ended up helping her organizing the party, the music, the deco and her clothes, while one of the guys partying kept coming in this private room, harassing us with some crap. Remember telling him I'll break his finger if he attempted to touch my stomach again. (I meant bump but remember saying stomach.)
We got all Katie's money, and made our ways to the exit and heard him following us. I was going to run but she said not to, what are we scared of after all?! So we ended up facing this guy who didn't anymore look drunk but scary and had about 5-10 mates with him.
And that it was, he pulled his gun out with a freaky smile, shot Katie then before I could say anything, me too. 4 bullets straight in the bump! I didn't even care that I only got this cause I was at the wrong place in the wrong time, only remember I wished he shot me on the head, so at least he only killed me and someone might have had the chance to save my baby, but this way it was impossible.
It was horrible. I know I dreamt this cause I still don't think I have a perfectly obvious 7-8 months basketball bump, concerned about kitty having fleas again, and I was also hungry and Lileeva must've been laying on my bladder at the same time, so I was uncomfortable in the tummy.Still, was awful.
We were also talking about cot death with Lee lately, so this could've affected the dream too. Either way, it was very sad, hope I won't have anymore nightmares like this.
When I woke up and calmed down a bit I had to stay awake for quite some time and listen out for some movements and kicks, just to make sure she's still in me and still alright.
She is by the way, swimming happily.
On a happier note; Kitty is becoming more cuddly with me nowadays. She usually comes and lays next to me when I'm still awake, and starts to lick my arm, or even lays on me when I'm horizontal and ready to sleep. She used to sleep at the end of the bed by our feet but in the past week or so she keeps coming up, lays on my stomach or my side/rib cage and pushes her head into my hand wanting strokes. Both me and Lee think it has something to do with me being heavily pregnant, she probably feels my hormones, after all she's a girl too.