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Thursday, 18 August 2011


Last night was one of those again...
I've been chatting with my mate, one of the mums lives back in Hungary, who was asking about the situation here in London. I told her what's going down at the moment, with the benefits, with Lee working outrageous hours to be able to feed us and pay our rent, the council thing and that yes, it is very hard. (I've been to the council the other day by the way, dropped the missing documents off.)
These things are obviously in my mind every single minute of every day, but I just tempt to concentrate on other, positive things, so when they do hit me, they hit me hard. So this got me started, been crying for about half an hour, e-mailing with Lee, who was at work at the time and who tried pulling me together. It did help though.
He always makes me sure that he is there, and he loves me. He says that as long as we have each other we will be fine, and I know it's true. No matter how hard it gets, we are going to make it.
So far so good, we are prefect together. When I'm down, he always pulls me out of it, when he feels crap, I try and talk him out of it. (Of course it's more likely me having a moment, blame it on the hormones.)
Last night he had his turn too though. I was already asleep when he got back from work, I knew his manager wanted to have a chat with him about the day job he applied for at the same company. He found out he didn't get it and was very upset.
It's not even Stuart's (The night manager.) responsibility to tell him, but the day managers are being sly about hiring someone else from outside the company. I can't stand spineless cunts like these. They knew how much he needed this day job, and screwed him over.
He works Monday to Friday now, only nights, finishing at stupid o'clock every morning (Between 01am-07am.) which he didn't want to continue when the baby is here, to be able to spend time with us, and help me with the nights. So he applied for the day position, Monday to Friday 10am-07pm.
It would've came handy, if we had to move out of London too, cause then he would've been able to travel to and from work by train when, if he finished at 03am, there is no chance he manages home (To Essex for example.) before dawn.

 Anyways, luckily Stuart offered him another, '4 on 4 off' position, that could work out quite well too.
He'll be doing four 12 hour night shifts 07pm-07am, then will have four day offs. It's a bummer on the way that he won't be having the Bank Holidays, and will have to work every other Christmas and New Year's Eve, and of course that he'll be away night times.
On the another hand, this has benefits too, since he'll be forced not to sleep throughout the entire day on his offs, and will be able to spend the day with us, just as the nights. Hopefully our daughter will be a little sleepy-head just like her parents, but not a biggie if she isn't; I'll be keeping up with her when Lee's at work, and sleep on the following days, when he's at home.
This also encourages me to try and push things forward at the council. Since I'm going to have to go back to work when she's only 6 months old, and probably will be working the same days as Lee does, at least a couple of times a week, we will need his parents' help, which we already got offered. I don't want a nanny, rather have a family member to raise my baby, than an unknown someone.
It's a big motivation for finding a place to live nearby, or at least inside London.
So we stayed up for a couple of hours, laying in bed cuddling, and talking about the future.
The future what we can't yet imagine, let alone see, but I'm pretty sure everything happens for a reason, and on the way it supposed to. We might not yet able to see it, but I think it will all work out the best for us.

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