Lileeva's birthday

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Friday, 29 June 2012


So I went to the GP today and got pills.
I had issues for about 10-12 years but was never bothered. I only make a note out of it here, cause I had a good old rant in my previous entries so I felt necessary to mention that I'm on the mend. Hopefully.
But mainly, cause I've done it for Lileeva.
Same as my thyroid misery. Had problems with that for years as well but I wasn't bothered to have it checked out until she came along. It could've risked her health.
By now I gave up smoking and drinking too pretty much.
All in all I do things what I think are the bests for her. And with this, she's making me a better person for myself as well.
I just hope these pills work. I want to have control.

Thursday, 28 June 2012


I'm having so much trouble these days! Not only with Lileeva, but she does put me on the edge.
She is just crying all the time for no particular reason. (Teething maybe?)
This morning she had a 7 hour, pretty much non stop screaming fit. She woke me with it around 06am and has only stopped twice for a short time until 03pm. I had a rough night anyway, I couldn't sleep due to other stuffs troubling me, so the morning was hell itself.
Her separation anxiety is back as well. Woohay! Didn't know it comes and goes...
I hate that I lose my temper with her, I hate that I shout at her, I'm an awful parent. Literally don't know why is she screaming for, I try every possible things but no luck. It does my head in. Wish I could be more patient with her. Hope I'll find a solution for it very soon cause I don't want to push her away.

 She has also stopped eating. She has milk and porridge, but isn't keen on the rest. Lileeva wouldn't eat pureed vegetables I make for her and stopped eating mashed fruits too, unless there's banana in it. This basically means she hardly has anything between 12pm and 09pm.
We tried her back on jars again, the 7months+ lumpy ones but she doesn't usually take them either. It's like she eats the sweet ones and/or forces some down of anything from the above if she's really hungry, but not more than a few spoonfuls.
Lee's mum said she might just want milk instead of solids, but that's a step back. So does feeding her whenever she demands it. Harsh, but she seems to realise if she doesn't eat, she won't be getting anything until the next scheduled feed, apart from bits of crackers or crumbs from our food.
I do hope it's all just something to do with teething and will go away soon. Both the moodiness and pickiness.
I don't want to go mad over things like these, cause I really do love her. She just deserves to have a better mummy. Sigh.

Saturday, 23 June 2012


I just hope Lileeva loves me.
I know I have my moments and lose my head maybe a little too quick but it really is hard sometimes. Sometimes everything is alright then there are a few days when I just can't wait for the night and to be left alone, then so I can wake up all happy and can love her again 100% the next morning. Do think she feels the same every now and then cause even though she is moody throughout the evening, she always wakes up with the biggest smile.

Still trying to take her out, pretty much every day. Over the park, to nanny's, to Louise's, to baby massage or to meet with my friends. I want to keep her entertained and make her life interesting instead of just sitting with her between the same walls 24/7.
Lileeva has heat rash lately. No bumps but red patchy skin around her hair line and back. Must have something to do with her temperature caused by teething.
Her fifth is coming on the top left. Seems like once the top ones start to cut through they just wouldn't stop.

Tuesday, 19 June 2012


Fourth tooth is out at last!
Lileeva suffered with this one, had high temperature for days, been super tired all the time but wasn't able to sleep during the day, and kept waking up earlier the mornings.
She became funny with vegetables lately as well. As it turns out, she hates cauliflower with passion and not so keen on anything else either.
By the look of it she only likes sweet stuff. I'm not happy.

On another note, we tried out our tiny pushchair and it's bang on! I'm close to say, I prefer this little used piece (£20 from eBay with shipping) over our super buff brand new tank (£250 with shipping). Even though Lileeva can only sit in it, it holds her straight, even it doesn't have rain foil or an umbrella, has no suspension at all, it has swirly wheels and super light! A definite good buy.
No, I don't mind the other, stylish pram but I'd prefer if it had swirly or at least smaller wheels.
I start to believe the less attractive, the better the pram is, seriously. Even though we only bought this one for our upcoming holiday, I'm definitely using it over the park when it's not too sunny or rainy.

Friday, 15 June 2012


Lileeva's third tooth has cut through today, on top left! By the beginning of next week her fourth will be out too. Yay! This explains all this moodiness.
I'm utterly proud of her by the way. I started to give her finger food, like cooked fruits and vegetables, and she's loving them! She was choking on the pear yesterday but had no trouble with the apple this evening.
So I decided yesterday I'll put my mind off of this milk intake mistery and will do things how I think is right for my baby. Here is my 7 months+ feeding routine:
09am 180 ml bottle
12pm breakfast porridge made with 90 ml formula
03pm lunch vegetables both finger and puree
06pm dinner fruits both finger and puree
09pm 180 ml bottle

We had this health visitor kind of person on baby massage this Wednesday and she explained why is tummy time so important. (Can't remember to be perfectly honest, apart from the obvious; rolling over and crawling.) Anyways, Lileeva hated being on her stomach, -apart from the first couple of months of her life, when it's extra dangerous cause of cot death- but she seems to be getting used to it now. We are far from the recommended hour/day, but are getting there slowly. Least she doesn't start straight off when I put her down and can keep herself entartained for about 5-10 minutes with books or a mirror.

Wednesday, 13 June 2012


I've been thinking lately that this 09pm bed time might be a bit late for Lileeva, after all some parents put their babies to bed around 06-07pm and Lileeva usually has a good old nap after her 06pm food... So I've done a research and 'normal' bedtime, -according to babies' bio-clock apparently- is between 07-0830pm. I tried to put her in bed yesterday an hour earlier, but all I got in return is her waking up 2.5 hours earlier than usual. Needless to say, I wasn't happy. Especially cause Lee was working... I shall really do these experiments on his day offs.
The exact same thing happened before, so we might as well just stick to this 09pm-09am routine.
When she stayed over at her nanny's, I've got reported that both days she was awake bang on at 0730am, not sure if she is at home too, but if she is, she doesn't make any noise and believe me, both my ears and the baby monitor is hyper sensitive. All in all, I'm not too worried.

This feeding situation is getting a bit lame. Starting with that Lileeva is not so keen on her milk intake anymore. She's eating her porridge happily, twice a day, but can hardly force 150 ml of milk down on her the mornings and evenings. I reckon she got the hang of solids now and drinking food out of a bottle became absurd for her.
Also, I got utterly lazy since our holiday in Budapest and I mainly feed her with jars instead of making purees like I used to. We are quite tight with money now, not even sure which option is cheaper, but I'm almost certain the home made purees are healthier than the super-organic jarred ones. So my mission is to get back on track with the fruits and vegs, no home made meat though, I don't want to chance on food poisoning.
I'm really keen on giving Lileeva finger food, even as a main meal once a day, she looks interested and knows what to do with it, the only problem is that she doesn't yet have top teeth so it's a trouble for her to chew. Bless, she really did look interested in that cauliflower the other day.
Sooner or later... (I still think sometimes, I'm pushing her into independence way too fast?!)

Tuesday, 12 June 2012


7 months tomorrow. Can hardly believe it.
Lileeva's separation anxiety seems to be dying down a little.
As it happens though, I'm having the same issues again (Mainly with myself.) than before. Since the weather became proper shite, again, all what we do is sitting in the living room, Lileeva is playing with the same toys and we may or may not watching cartoons. I'm scared of her getting bored, and yet we are together 24/7 feels like I don't spend any quality time with her whatsoever. I signed up to babycentre to get weekly updates on Lileeva's development and on useful games I can play with her.
Weird, thought I was a member already, since this is the site which helped me through my pregnancy and pretty much all my baby related questions. Anyways, even though at this stage all baby is different, I'm sure it will come handy. (Yes, they are different. Lileeva has two teeth, prefers porridge over finger food and can't be arsed rolling over, nor has she any strength in her legs. Loki, who's a month behind her, has no teeth, bangs on finger food, is rolling over and can stand with support, but isn't yet able to sit by himself.)

Discovered today that Lileeva likes books! She blatantly likes phones and remote controls, but I'm happy she's interested in books too. Thinking about it, she was always reaching out for the actual one I was reading at the time, but sitting her down on the rug she packed all of them out from the bottom of the coffee table. Twice.
I also sat down with her this evening, and was reading to her. I got these fanfold baby books, with short Hungarian poems in them, and big colourful pictures on each page, related to the actual poem. Now the book we were reading was all about cats. I explained what is on each page, pointing at the flowers, bowls, cats, mice and so on, then closed the book. Opening again, page by page I asked Lileeva 'Where is the kitty?' and she pointed on the cats, didn't miss any of them, no matter how small the drawing was! I was well surprised and beyond proud! Shame on me, even I underestimate babies.
Incredible they are.

Wednesday, 6 June 2012


I just don't understand some people. When someone wants to hit you low, they insult you via your 'bloody child' and so, just to say the least. It happened before, while I was pregnant, happened again and will happen many more times I'm sure.
I find it funny, sad and disgusting at the same time. Mainly cause it's usually coming from people who don't have kids. I assume their friends don't have children either, otherwise they'd let them know it's not the nicest thing to do. I'm not hurt over it, surprised maybe, cause I think this is the lowest low where someone can go.
Bit upset maybe... Where has this world come to?! People cuss of innocent babies whom has nothing to do with the subject whatsoever. These people also probably not aware of the fact that babies are the purest humans of all. They don't know what lie is, have no interest of using you and so.
These people must lack of basic intelligence.
Anyways, these things are just confirmations of knowing that I'm way better than that, therefor I raise Lileeva better than some people would or do. And, of course, make me utterly happy about my life and the wonderful people I'm surrounded by. (Yes, by the look of it there is space and use for dickheads in this world.)

It's official now: Lileeva is a Peppa Pig fan! She loves both her teddy and the cartoon. Not sure what is so fascinating about it, but hey, could be worse. She probably will grow up to me a bacon lover too haha!
She also had her first meet with a dog! They loved each other, Lileeva looked pleased of getting the dogs full attention, not like Kitty's who keeps running away from her.

We've been out on Friday with the in-laws and a family friend who seen Lileeva for the first time then and there and suggested to chance modelling with her. The idea behind it is to sign up with an agency/agencies that give out her portfolio to clients, who then choose whether they want her for the shoot or other baby/babies. The money she would make goes straight to her account which she can access when she's 18, I have no interest of it at all, and that's how it's right.
I think it would be great, but for sure has pros and cons. Pros are that it's a very good opportunity, a good start, might even be a milestone in her further carrier if she chooses to. The younger the better, cause she would grow up being natural in front of the cameras. I remember when my mum done the same business with me when I was around 13, I failed miserably. Oh, the nerves... Con is the same of course, the age. Since Lileeva is so young, if she gets jobs frequently she can grow up to be, well... Stuck up. But here comes good parenting in the picture.
Anyways, don't want to jinx it, but so far I got good feedback from agencies. Will wait a little more then choose the one(s) looking the best.
As of parenting on a further base: Lee still says he doesn't want me to go back to work, which I don't mind cause of Lileeva. Do on a way of getting bored, and scared of Lileeva getting bored of me too maybe?! My friend said she thinks I'd be able to sign up for benefits, but we are not that tight yet and I also don't like poncing. (Should point out here even if I was to sign up for anything I'm still not a single mum, and still white. Enough said.)
Also, seems like I have an opportunity to do a course the end of the summer, so -and again, don't want to jinx it- hopefully I'll have the qualification to do what I always wanted to. Then so I can start to work from home, and by the time Lileeva is school age, I might even be able to have a secured job.
Fingers crossed.

Edit 16:41
I got a call from the Housing today regarding our Housing Benefit. We are entiteled for a massive £4/week. The excuse is that Lee earns 'too much'. Yeah, right. Another proof of if you work and do everything right, you get fuck all help.