Lileeva's birthday

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Tuesday, 27 December 2011

172.

Last week was hell itself!
As I said Monday and Tuesday I kind of made her stay awake more during the day and tried to have her sleeping the night.
Wednesday was a night to try and have her sleep alone in her Moses basket again. It was the worst night we had so far. She had none of it! She was screaming pretty much all night, no matter what I tried. I fed and changed her, walked with her, sat with her, sang to her, made her fall asleep in my arms then put her down, and at the end was trying to use the most disgusting, 'leave her to cry herself asleep' method. None of these worked and I felt the worst mum on earth.
On Thursday we changed formula for 'Comfort' and made her drink 120ml and only fed her in every 4 hours, no matter she was screaming in between. She got used to us feeding her with whatever little amount at whatever time she was crying for food and it had to change.
And miracle! By the weekend, to be precise by Christmas Eve, she got the hang of all of it! I like to think this was our Christmas present from her.
Now she eats at 06am, awake for an hour or so then nods off, then awake from 10am til 06pm with eating at 02pm as well. I have to wake her at 10pm for a bath and her dinner, then I can put her in her basket, carry her upstairs in the bedroom then wake up for a 02am feeding then sleep again til 06am. All together it's a good 6 hours sleep for me a day. In a bed! Joy!
About to make her formula up to 150ml a feed, that's the recommended for her age, and seems like she needs it as well. The dream feed thing didn't work out, but might've just tried it in a wrong time. Either way, I rather not confuse her with it just now.
She does scream a lot, pretty much all day between 11am and 06pm, I reckon it's her little belly playing up, but we can not possibly do anything else about it. New formula, Infacol before feedings, Gripe Water when she screams, and will try her in the bigger reusable nappies tomorrow so it's more comfortable for her around the stomach. Hope she will grow out of this windiness soon. Most babies do though, around 3-4 months.
I hate seeing her in pain, and not to be able to help her. And, of course, her screaming fits drive me mad. This makes me grab her a bit harder every now and then and this makes me feel even worse. I don't want her to think we don't love her or something like that. Poor thing.
Both me and Lee hit the rock bottom last week, but at the end I'm really proud. I'm proud of her learning so quick, an entire new routine in a week from a 5 week old is remarkable in my opinion. And yes, I'm proud of myself as well, cause having to be strict against her and my own feelings wasn't easy but I know all this will pay off on a long term basis.
So it's looking up but still many many more challenges to come.

Monday, 26 December 2011

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

170.

I got my new toy from Molek and Nyuszi. A baby sling! Well comfy and Lileeva is getting used to the idea too. Well... I only popped her to it once, before a feed, but she nodded off before the hungry cries, so I take it as a good sign.
Have to go to pick my prescription and medication up tomorrow afternoon while Lee is still in bed, so I'm going to take her out in it for the short trip. Fingers crossed she'll like it.

169.

1 month, 1 week, 1 day old today.
I'm trying to get Lileeva in a routine so she slowly will be able to make a difference between night time and day time. The whole idea is to have her moaning fits during the day, not the middle of the night, when I would want to sleep.
Since Monday I'm bathing her every night before her 'last feed' which is vary between 08-11pm. She still doesn't like the idea of water and screams like a lunatic, but hey. So telly off, chill music on, minimal lights, bath, bottle and bed. As well as trying to keep her awake for an hour or so after each feed during the day, but this I'm not pushing too much, since she's so little, she needs lots and lots of sleeps.
Anyway, so far so good, knocking on wood. Both Tuesday and today had her moaning fits between 01-03pm. This usually tires her out and have big sleeps the afternoon.
I ain't too satisfied with the amount she eats though. For her age, she supposed to have around 120ml every 4 hours. Now she only eats between 60-90ml and wakes up for food in every 2 to 3 hours, still, she wouldn't eat that little bit of extra and sleep longer... (Obviously she has a bit of extra after a poo or being sick, but that's normal I reckon.) However, sometimes she downs 120-150ml straight in, but still wakes for a bottle in 3 hours. I've been writing all her feedings, ever since she was born, so will work out what's going on, therefor we can hopefully get in a habit (Like giving her less throughout a day, more before sleep and less during the night or something.) so will satisfy her and won't even be wasting more formula.
She started to only sleep in our arms, which again, ain't the best of things. I mean it is alright now, but don't want her to get too used to it, otherwise we will have trouble later on. So that's another mission, putting her down in her Moses basket and let her fall asleep by herself.
It'll only be a pain in the arse when she's moaning and can only be comforted with her dummy... Which she keeps dropping then starts to cry for it and in need of me popping it back to her mouth.
I will also give a try for the dream feed tonight. Not sure it will work, and whether or not it's a good idea, but worth a try. Only heard about it today, and basically is about after the bath and last feed, put the baby down to sleep, then a couple of hours later, before I'd go to bed, make up another (Smaller?!) feed, get her out of her cot without waking her much, feed her, no burp or changing nappy, just put her back while she's still asleep. Therefor they supposed to be full up and sleep longer.
Tonight so far:
0720pm she woke up for the rest 'left over' of her bottle, which made her sick a little. Then bathed and fed her around 08pm. She was falling asleep so put her in the Moses basket which she didn't take too well and started to moan then the moan turned to cry and scream. I felt horrible leaving her there crying so I took her out (After leaving her a bit though, while brushed my teeth and washed some bottles.) and gave her a cuddle. This calmed her down but looked like she was hungry so I put her back down and started to make a little bottle up. While was doing it she kind of cried herself asleep, with waking every 10 minutes for a little moan when realising she ain't snuggled up next to me.
I feel awful, she's only little! But as me and Lee agreed, these things have to be done, preferably sooner than later, otherwise she'll get used to us jumping every time she moans and will turn out to be a spoilt little lady.
I will try and dream feed her at 10pm, right before I curl up on the sofa, next to her Moses basket.
I just hope all these new things won't confuse the fuck out of her much, but both of us can get in a routine.

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

168.

A post about me.
First of all, -knocking on wood- I finally managed to clean my name at the council. They responded my Stage 2. complaint in letter as well as before that, my officer called on Monday. She told me I've been given a false information by the other worker and yes, since I could provide all the necessary information needed, I'm able to bid for 2 bedroom properties from this week. Yay! Fingers crossed we are going to find something, very soon. I'm well excited, can't wait to move into our own place, decorate it on the way we like and to have our first proper home.
My plans are so far to get a place before summer, apply for Housing- and Council Tax Benefit after, then when my Maternity wears off, apply for Jobseeker's while doing volunteer work for a year or so. Therefor we'd be able to manage money wise, I wouldn't have to go back to work when the muffin is only 6 months old. I want to spend time with her and when we both are ready I would go and do a proper job, not these shitty, under payed bar works. A job I like, hopefully.
As I said in the previous post, I'm getting better on handling Lileeva's screaming fits. Still hard sometimes, like on Sunday when she wouldn't stop for many hours, but I'm getting there. Luckily Lee supports me big times, so does our family.
But, for example, today was fairly good. She had a crying session for about 2 hours last night, but could manage to sleep 4-5 hours between a couple of feeds. Incredible how much energy that couple of extra hours means sleep wise! I woke up all happy and kind of fresh, and since she was eating nicely and sleeping, I managed to cook and do bits in my time. Was much  needed.
My back still aches (Couldn't manage that massage with my mum, we didn't really have time.), but sleeping upstairs in the bed meant a lot. Obviously I couldn't sleep in my usual starfish position cause Lileeva was next to me and I'm always in a 'careful sleep' mode, but still.
I as well stress less, more confident on leaving her alone when she's asleep. Not for hours of course, just like popping out for a cigarette and so. I still rather have Lee around when I go for a shower and stuff.
So all in all, things are looking up, hopefully everything works out for the best.

167.

Yesterday we were 1 month old! Can hardly believe it, the time flies!
We kind of sorted the wind situation with giving her the Infacol drops in the mouth before feeds again. Seems like she finishes the bottles easier, but still has trouble on bringing burps up. No problem with farts though haha!
I also bought a different kind of formula, it's still Cow & Gate but called 'Comfort' and supposed to help on colic and wind problems. If that doesn't give her runny poo we have to stick to it for good cause changing formula often ain't good for their digestive system, also, going back to the 'normal' one would definitely make her constipated. We don't want that, no.
Still, the woman on Maternity Helpline said I should go and get her checked out with a health visitor if it doesn't change.
She scared the living shit out of me yesterday. Twice! She was crying, that turned to screaming, then it suddenly stopped, she arched her back, staring at nothing with red face, and stopped breathing for a second or two. Ain't going to lie, though that it was. Had a look online and apparently lots of babies do this and it considers normal. Shall blow into their faces quick and hard, and that tells their system to restart breathing apparently. Still, hope it won't happen too often, otherwise I'll be getting a heart attack too.
We had an alright night yesterday though. I noticed she nowadays can only fall asleep in our arms or on us, so I took advantage on Lee being at work all night, and after weeks, I finally slept in the bed instead of on the sofa. With the lady next to me of course. She had a little screaming fit but fed her again and she passed out. On her tummy!
This morning I noticed she coughs a bit and has difficulty breathing through her nose... Hope she won't be having the cold. Makes sense why she wanted to sleep on her stomach though, when I layed her on the back to change her, looked like she was chocking a little, on snot possibly. Will keep her wrapped up, see if it goes away in a few days, if not, will have a look for natural remedies. We all be fucked if she gets ill, since she has naturally tiny nostrils.
She gave me her first real smiles the other day! I couldn't take a photo of them cause it was dark, but they definitely were smiles, not little grins before cry. Aww! She sometimes smiles when she dreams too.
I wonder what are babies dream of?! I just hope she has happy thoughts.

166.

Week 4. Still.
My mum came to visit on Friday. Originally we planned on picking her up from the airport with Lee and the bubba, but at the end I went alone cause the journey was about 2 hours plus the waiting time and the journey back. Would've been a hassle taking Lileeva, feed and change her on the airport or in Jackie's car, so she stayed home with Lee instead.
She had her first cuddles with Hungarian nanny, she even changed, bathed and fed her too.


On Saturday afternoon we went to the park for a stroll and a cheeky beer. Obviously my mum didn't let me push the pram haha! Later on that day Lee came over (Who slept at his parent's the weekend to make life easier and more comfortable for us. Mum slept in the bedroom and I stayed in the living room with Lileeva, just in case.) with his mum and we had a few drinks together and played Frustration! which was funny, since my mum doesn't speak English at all. Anyways, booze and board game did the job.


Mum reckoned Lileeva has wind problems and even though Infacol is for this reason, she blamed that, so I started to put it in the bottle instead of her mouth before feedings. Shouldn't have.
From Sunday to Monday I haven't at all slept, cause baby was up all night, screaming from trapped wind. Bless her. I had to wake mum up at around 07-08am cause I couldn't handle more, Lileeva was in agony since midnight, making me going mad with her helpless cry. It's horrible not being able to do anything. I tried to stay calm all night/morning though, tried not raising my voice, cause even though she doesn't understand what I say, she still notice the change of how we talk to her, and in already agony it's the least can help her.
She calmed down for about 09-10am and at midday Lee's mum came to look after her, while I went to the airport with mum.
Was a good thing having her around, even though Lileeva has grown quite some already, at least she could see her while she is tiny. We don't yet know when are we going to be able to visit her and my nan back in Budapest, so at least one of them seen her while she's still little.
She told me I'm a good mum, just what I needed to hear after a hard night. She also kept telling me how much he loved Lee already, but now she loves him even more, cause she sees on both of us how much we love each other and our baby. Happy that it comes across to others as well. Aww.

Thursday, 8 December 2011

165.

Week 4.
So this heating up the flat properly does work. Even though Lileeva always felt cosy toasty under her vest, grow and blanket, it probably wasn't enough for her.
During the day we normally have her sleeping on the sofa, next to us while Lee is playing Xbox and I'm on my laptop or doing bits and bobs. Prefer it this way, so she can see us when she wakens, rather than see only the sides of her Moses basket. For the first time she cried out while she was still asleep on her tummy, so Lee, who was sitting next to her, turned her on the back said 'Don't worry, we are still where you left us.' haha! This seemed to have calmed her down. Still, she usually falls asleep in our arms, unless she drops during having a bottle.
By the way my friend Molek says, she's starting to look like me, apparently she has the same look in her eyes as me. I still see more Lee in her though, but I reckon it's cause she's usually having her eyes closed during some serious amount of sleep.


She had her first bath with daddy this week! Ain't going to lie, I was freaking out! I trust Lee so much, but Lileeva still isn't sure about the bath thing and screams and wriggles a lot. I kept telling Lee off how to hold her and not to drop her, and the result?! Me splashing a bit of soapy water in her mouth (Johnson's baby night time bath. Harmless, but still...) and almost dropping her trying to get her out from the bath and wrapping her little body to the towel quick-smart. Well done me!
Anyways, she was all fine after, throw up a couple of times, done a massive poo (The third for that day. She usually does one daily.) so her little system is all clean.


The reusable nappy thing works good as well. We are using disposable ones for nights, only one or two a day so that's alright. Hopefully she starts to get in the habit soon when she poos on mornings, so we don't have to mess with curry looking textile nappies and can stop using the liners in the reusable ones. We still have quite some liners left though, so by we use them all, she might get in the habit... (Under 'we' I meant 'me' cause Lee doesn't still get the hang of the washable nappies yet, but sooner or later he has to, hah!)
We bagged the newborn clothes (Which came really handy, even though I though we won't be able to use them, cause they are super tiny!) and started to dress her in the 0-3 months sized. They are still massive, especially the grows, but the vests are alright... Mainly cause the washable nappies triple her bum size haha.
Health wise: Good! No more fanny-punches! Might be time for some sexual activity soon haha.
My back is killing me though, in serious need of a massage but that's a job for my mum I reckon.
I'm back on smoking unfortunately (Not in the flat but strictly outside!) and since we are both washing our hands and faces after each fag, we have some seriously dry skin condition. Cocoa butter to rescue us.
Mood wise: Better! I'm still stressing a lot, and as I said above, telling Lee off for stupid things, but luckily he doesn't take it serious. He is really understanding and this I can't thank him enough!
I still have issues though, but we went through them so that's cool as well. I mean, it's hard to do everything by myself, like making Lileeva's food up while she's screaming for it, wind her, change her, calm her and rock her to asleep, then in the remaining couple of hours while she is out of it, wash and sterilize her bottles, wash her nappies, wash my and Lee's clothes, make food for ourselves, do the washing-up, have a shower... And so. He got the point and joined in with the bits of house-work too. Everything is so much easier when it's two of us, in a view of one of us can hold and entertain the bubba so she ain't screams while the other makes the bottles, for example.
I've been pretty calm lately with Lee around, could even manage to get some sleep when it was 'his night' of looking after our daughter.
Lileeva: Even though they say babies are unable to see til week 6, unless you hold their proper close to your face, I'm pretty sure she does see things already. She loves the pattern of the throw on the sofa, looking straight at us when we talk to her, and trying to reach for the lamp/light.
She also tried and gave us little grins already, which apparently they aren't supposed to be able to do until they are 6-8 weeks old. Proof of her being a smart little muffin!
I previously said about her being a fussy eater. Well... She became messy as well! Also, she doesn't usually just stop half way through the (Too cold?!) bottle, but whenever she does a poo she cries not just for the rest of her bott bott, but a little bit more. Reckon she always have to have her tummy full to be a satisfied little pea.
All in all: A calm first half of our 4th week. From tomorrow til Monday my mum will be over from Hungary so that means plenty of cuddles for all of us, but mainly for Lileeva.

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

164.

Week 3.
I had my blood test repeated and since didn't hear from my GP assume I have no problems with my iron, liver and sugar. So that's done for a while.
Lileeva had to get another blood test done (Bless the poor thing!) cause her results came back high for the thyroid thing. Luckily the woman called me a couple of days later, saying all is good, so no more tests on her for time being. Yay!
We got our tattoos done with Lee, but have posted about it already.
One night Molek came around, we had a good chat and a few ciders. He brought Lileeva some crystals, a nice combination for keeping calm, and good vibes.


Another night Big Lee and Darren popped over, we had a few drinks and had a blast of card and board games. Can't wait for my girl to be big enough so can play these with her. Ah well, few more years to go haha! I do hope she's going to enjoy these old school games just as much as I did and still do.


The weekend Lee went back to work and I was terrified how will I cope with Lileeva alone. The first night was alright, she didn't scream much and only woke up for feeding in a few hours. She was moaning from time to time, but finally fell asleep on my shoulder the little weirdo!

The following morning/early afternoon she started off though, don't know why. Lee was home and made her calm down before he left for work, but it didn't last for long and I had hell of a night. She stopped half way through her bottle, cried, I changed her, still cried, tried to give her the rest of the bottle, fell asleep for half an hour, but just as I was going to curl up on the sofa, she started off again. Clearly didn't want to be in her Moses basket, so I ended up sleeping with her on my chest, uncomfy, but hey, at least could get a few hours of sleep.
Probably didn't help on the situation that I started to use the washable nappies on her the weekend too. She doesn't like the idea of it. Kind of understand her point, the disposable ones are super absorbent, while the textile clearly ain't as good, and leaves her bum bum wet and makes her scream. Also, even the newborn size looks uncomfortably big, but triple checking it every time I change her and it fits properly, so all good. By the third day she started to get used them too, I think. Still, I might be using disposable ones for peaceful nights and when for we go out.
As of sleeping on my shoulder... I noticed she likes to lay on her stomach, so done a little research, even called my mum. I know lots of people and studies say it can be dangerous, but on the other hand if she feels comfy that way, why not?! It also reduces the chance of her getting ADHD and noticed too that she doesn't jump as much that way. I'm having her sleeping on her back while I'm asleep anyway and only putting her on her tummy during the day when I'm able to keep checking on her. Just in case.


Health wise: Only a tiny bit of bleeding, and not as strong fanny-punches than before, so this means less and weaker painkillers. Whoop!
My appetite is back, so started to eat properly at last, as well as putting some weight back, my stomach ain't as sunken as the first week. I've been doing daily sit-ups as well, but it's something I should've done years ago, so...
Oh and since I'm properly healed I had a good old shave and finally saw what I'm doing down there. Little things what make one's day, eh?!
Mood wise: I still don't think I'm 100% stable. I feel schizophrenic from time to time, letting a little shout out when she screams, then cuddling her crying, telling her sorry and that how much I love her. It's awful.
I try to be the best for both Lee and Lileeva, but whenever she cries or see Lee being tired I feel like a massive failure cause of letting them down. (Lee cheered me up though with saying I'm not, cause I care and I try. I'll try and keep these in mind, next time I feel down.)
I also might be developing OCD. When I have some free time I tidy the place, do the washing, or like the other day, sorting my socks and pants out for close to 2 hours! Scary.
Another thing is; I keep hear her crying, even though she isn't, and/or not even in the flat but is out with Lee. This must be normal mind games of the beginners, just like how we were jumping the first week every time she moved.
I still sleep tense as well, I wouldn't even call it proper sleep, cause I'm always aware what's going on around me.
It's just all really new and have to get used to each other I reckon. It's like when getting into a new relationship, takes time to adapt.
Lileeva: I noticed she rather stops half way through her bottle if it cools down, and ain't having it cold even she's still hungry, the fussy little thing! She takes it, but chokes on it, showing that she wants it but it ain't good enough for her, making me get up and re-warm it.
As before she usually cried when she wanted to be put down, nowadays she cries when she wants to be held upright or carried around.
We also noticed that she has a strong neck already! She tried to hold her head before as well, but when I first put her on her stomach, she pretty much straight away turned her head from one side to another (With a little bit of bouncing and struggle in the middle.) while still asleep, so it assured me that we have not much to worry about.
I as well started to think this freezing cold could be the reason of her night time screaming sessions. It's pretty cold in the flat too and takes a lot to warm the place up, but is something to try to make all of us comfortable.
All in all: We are getting better and better, and I'm proud of myself of managing to keep calmer when she screams and spend more time on learning and studying her, and what's the best for her instead.
Cause when she's happy, quiet and asleep, I am happy, quiet and can sleep too. Hah!

Sunday, 4 December 2011

163.

Week 2.
Ehrm... Can't really part it to days.
We went to register Lileeva so she finally became 'official'! They only needed my discharge papers from the hospital (Which only has my details on it.) and her red book, which is basically a record of her medical details. And my ID of course, and Lee's, since I wanted her to have his name too. I find weird that over here not many people decides about their babies' name until they have to register him/her. Even the midwives in the hospital were like 'Do you know what you are having? Did you think of a name yet?' haha well we had the names before we even found out what we are having. One would call it preparation, I call it love.
Then we went to get it copied to get our priority updated on housing, that's when we found out the council is keep fucking us around. They stated us as 'renting privately' even after my complaint and the visitor whom spoken to Lee's aunt, we are living with. So there went my Stage 2. complaint. Two more to go and I'm taking them to court.


Midweek I went to see the midwife, she weight her (3050 g ~ 6 lbs 11 oz) and checked my scars and blood loss; All fine apparently. She answered all our questions, then discharged me. My main worry was her feeding... She cried for food sometimes every couple of hours and we didn't want to feed her, in case we stretch her tummy, but as the midwife said it's pretty much impossible as they either don't drink the milk or simply puke it back up, and if she screams for food, we shall just feed her. Done. She suggested not to have her in the bed with us in case she gets too hot (They can't sweat yet which I didn't know, only to let the heat out through their heads. For this reason it's dangerous to let them sleep in hats.) so we started using the Moses basket at the end.
We also spent a day around Louise's. Not saying Alfie had much chance of bonding with his little cousin, cause Lileeva was sleeping mostly all day. Or screaming for food. Amazing how much of a difference 6 months makes when they are little. Alfie is so big and chunky, Lileeva looks tiny next to him.

I've been to my GP to get my blood tested but it showed that I have problems with my liver (Can just be them lots of medications I'm taking.) so I got an appointment for the following week to get it repeated. Also made an appointment for the beginning of January to register my girl and have her vaccinations done, just as my smear test.
Some woman came out from the hospital to take Lileeva's blood (Again!) because of her thyroid function. Was worth of staying in the hospital for 48 hours then, wasn't it?! Ah well...
As of the week before most of Lee's friends came over to see the baby, the second week my mates payed a visit. It was good to see them, and also to know that they are interested both in me and my little lady.


We spent the weekend at the in-laws cause you are simply not able to sleep in our flat due to noisy neighbours. It was good to get a little break as well, they wanted their cuddles with Lileeva so me and Lee could chillax a little. (Well, Lee had to give her some serious belly massage after a screwed up bottle with too much formula in the water, which made her constipated, but the second night was quiet.)


Health wise: By the weekend my stitches seemed to be healed properly so could finally have a proper wash! They said not to use anything in the area until it heals but water, cause soaps or shower gels would sting.
Milk almost gone, and the bleeding ain't too bad either.
Mood wise: Massive swings!
It was always Lee made her quiet cause I didn't have the patience for it. I've been tired all the time, trying to keep the flat tidy and when I could sit down she usually started off and I couldn't deal with it, just screamed back 'What's wrong with you!?' then cried realising how horrible I am. After all she's just a baby, she can't tell what's wrong, all she can do is to cry.
Lileeva: First of all she has Lee's skinny chicken legs! She looks like him too, but I knew this before she was even born. She has his mouth, but my shape and -for now- colour of eyes.
She's hiccuping and farts a lot (Me.) and snores (Lee.) sometimes haha! Not to mention her cute sneezes! She multiplies them then the end goes 'Aww!' like it was such a hard work.
She also has a little mole on her nose! We didn't know babies can get moles at that early age but it's definitely not a scar, that'd be gone by now.
She hates when we are in her face for long, kissing her (Me.) and likes to grimace. Also, she's a loud sleeper! Fidgets all the time and makes noises! Was hard to get used to it, but we are getting there.
All in all: We kind of got into a sleeping during the night habit with baths (Lavender night time baby bath by winning!) and regular ish feedings. This new Cow & Gate formula definitely works better and doesn't make her constipated. Yay!
So it's all getting better slowly. Only my horribleness to be worked on, big times! We want a nice loveable mummy, right?!

Friday, 2 December 2011

162.

Our first few weeks flew by way too quick! I kind of understand now why been said they grow up so fast...
I'll try and sum up what's been happening but it's all becoming a big blur with time.

Week 1.
So I had to spend our first two days in the hospital's maternity ward. They usually let new mums go within 24 hours but even though they took blood from Lileeva straight after birth, they wanted to repeat the test and they are only allowed to take blood from newborns twice in 48 hours.
Anyways, the ward was kind of like a baby-mum prison, there were 3-4 beds in a row and opposite each other, parted with a thick curtain, and each section included a drawer, a lamp, a buzzer, a table and a see-through plastic Moses basket on wheels. All squeezed in to a tiny space of course. Luckily I had my bed next to the window so I had some kind of contact with the 'real world'. We're not even able to carry our baby around in our arms, only in that Moses basket thing, for safety reasons. We couldn't even leave the ward to go to the hospital's Café, cause we couldn't take the baby out and you just wouldn't want to leave your newborn unattended, would you?!
I had trouble sleeping, not only cause of the screaming babies (Lileeva only had her screaming fit on the second night.) but cause all I wanted to do is stare at my gorgeous little girl. The midwives came at stupid o'clocks as well (02am and times like that.) to check my blood pressure and her temperature and to ask questions like did I need painkillers and have I pooed yet. (Constipation comes accompany with all the straining during birth giving.) As of the painkillers, I did need them. It was mainly my stitches (Damn, how much peeing stung!) but I could hardly put my weight on one of my legs, possibly had something to do with the epidural hitting a nerve in my spine.
The midwives were really helpful though, they kept showing me how to latch Lileeva, which unfortunately didn't work out for us. I didn't have much milk (This supposed to be normal at the beginning.) and she wasn't opening her mouth big enough so was only sucking on the nipple, which is painful as hell! So I ended up with bleeding nipples by the second night, and that was when she had enough of not getting much food and so screamed through the entire night. Bless her. And bless my ears! That's how she became a formula baby. Another thing I didn't want to, I would've preferred breastfeeding, but hey...
Lee spent the visiting times with us, cuddling our lady, which gave me time to have a shower or simply to rest a little.
The second day the ward got quite busy and there were some hassle around the discharged patients so I literally had to threat the head-midwife that I'm going to discharge myself and walk out. Then she pulled herself together, gave me some painkillers, laxatives and iron tablets and let me go. Even though, my hemoglobin was below low, and the only reason she didn't keep me in and ordered a blood transfusion was that I was symptom free.


The first night at home was nice and calm, still, we didn't get much sleep. We jumped every time Lileeva moved, but I reckon it's normal at the beginning. We had her between us in the bed, she was a good girl, woken only for feedings in every 4 hours.


Wednesday a midwife came out to check up on us. Baby has lost weight (As it happens, 9 months worth of poo has to come out after all.), her Jaundice was going away and my scars were healing just fine, even though one of them was swollen a bit. We went to see some family, Lee's parents, granddad and cousins, was an all in all good day too.
But the night when the trouble started... Turns out SMA, the formula we bought causes baby constipation, however, we didn't find out about it until Saturday. And baby constipation is the worst a parent can imagine. She screamed the house down and we couldn't do much until the morning, apart from Lee massaging her little belly.


Thursday we went out for a walk over the park and bought Infacol on the way, it's a clever little drop given to the bubba before each feed and it makes them 'bring the wind up easier' aka burp. This was the day when my milk finally kicked in. Took a while. My boobs got massive, it was ridiculous, I could barely squeeze them into my 42F nursing bras! Since we got in the formula habit by then quite well and my nipples were still sore, I chickened out, and didn't start to breastfeed.


Friday another midwife came out to do some more blood tests on her. She said I just shall wear tight support bras every day and every night, and never to touch my boobs then so my milk should dry out in a few weeks. It kind of did by Sunday. Quick, eh?! No more Pamela Anderson, hah!
We gave Lileeva her first bath this night, she didn't like it, but calmed her down indeed. If I remember right, her belly button thing fell off the following day. Hopefully this means she's going to be a quick healer, just like me.


Saturday we took her down to the pub to meet with the men and to have a chillaxed drink at last! I left Lee and his dad to get smashed together finally and went home with my screaming angel. This was the night we changed to Cow & Gate formula which we use ever since, and seems to be working out for us.


Health wise: By the weekend my stitches started to itch and hurt way too much! I was still bleeding and it made it look they stitched me on a wrong place, I got highly paranoid. Lee offered and checked it out himself (After all he's seen our daughter come out of me, and the doctor snapping me so technically from now on anything could come, couldn't it?!) and he said it looked fine but swollen. Since it was during the weekend I couldn't do much about it, just popping my super Hungarian painkillers, which by the way, according to the midwife came to see me on Wednesday, is better than the one I got from the hospital. Also, a different feeling took over down there as well; We just call it a fanny-punch, sums it up really. They said I should heal in a couple of weeks time, well the first week certainly didn't do me any good.
Previously, while I was in labour, read a brilliant Hungarian article about how women's body change after pregnancy. One might be able to get back in shape within a year or so but it's hard work. I've never imagined otherwise, after all you had a little person growing inside you for 9 months who comes out, and your body needs time to shrink and to obviously lose the extra baby weight. And the boobs of course, possibly the only part of my body I was ever vain about but was ready to give it all up and breastfeed, regardless how they would look after.
Well, I have to say, surprise surprise. I'm slimmer than before pregnancy! Didn't yet have a chance to weight myself yet, but the tummy is definitely flatter than before. Even my boobs are smaller I reckon, but something for something, I don't mind. I finally like what I see in the mirror. Never would have imagined it'll happen after pregnancy, always thought I'll be a big blob.
Mood wise: Lot's of tears! Even more!
When Lileeva screamed I cried too. Then Lee took over of looking after her which made me feel guilty and a bad mother, and I cried again.
Then the guiltiness; Realising on Wednesday (After all Lee's family have seen our girl.) that my mum and nan only seen one photo of her yet, and she's the only one grandchildren... That's when I booked a flight for my mum (Nan doesn't anymore want to risk the journey.) for a weekend here with us.
Then looking at Lee and our daughter, and thinking how much I love them and the meaning they gave my life... So I cried again, of course.
Didn't help on the frustration that I wanted to keep the flat tidy, wanted to cook, wanted to keep myself pulled together, wanted to concentrate on the baby and on pretty much everything at the same time.
And I even pretty much cried every time an emotional shitty music video came on telly. Hormones!
All in all: Week 1. was a really hard work, harder than I'd ever imagine.


Tuesday, 29 November 2011

161.

Got them done today. Both look a bit weird how my foot and Lee's neck are twisted, little bloody, red and swollen, but hey, what do you expect from a tattoo?! Love love love! So far this is my personal favourite. And wasn't even as painful as I imagined... (Can't really speak in Lee's name though.)

Friday, 25 November 2011

160.

Here can be read how I gave birth. As been requested I've written a Hungarian version which can be found below the picture.

You hear from people that giving birth is something you always remember but still, tempt to lose all the details at the same time. Yeah right... And yes, it's right.
My story is a bit different. Let's say all my birth plans went out the window, but what can you do, eh?! If the little person inside you thinks different you just have to go with it.
(For the people's information whom do not normally read my blog; I was planning on an all natural water birth, preferably at home with Lee whom we had the same idea of not looking down below. Cause of my thyroid issue I wasn't able to have the home birth, but still was going to go for the anaesthetic free, water birth in the hospital.)
As I said below I had the sweep done on the Wednesday before, the 9th, three days after my due date. I've even written about feeling little period pains that night, but they were absolutely bearable, so I didn't think much of it. Must have been nothing to do with the pain, but the adrenaline keeping me awake that night. Either way, I couldn't sleep.
In fact, around 06am the following, Thursday morning I started to feel what I thought were real contractions. The lower bit of belly (Uterus.) hardened and softened around the baby every 3-4 minutes. Even though the time of the pains weren't 100% regular I called the hospital's delivery suit around 04pm that afternoon. They said, since my water hasn't yet broken I must be in false labour which prepares my body for the big work. They recommended to eat something, try and get some rest but stay active as well to help the baby move down. Also been said, in these cases the baby usually comes within the next 24 hours. By around midnight I got pretty upset, the contractions weren't regular enough to call it the 'real deal', but were constant.
Friday just past midnight Lee came home from work, after mentioning I'm not on the top emotionally, and well... We done the natural remedy of things. It did work though, by around 05am Friday morning my contractions got regular and quite painful, so I called the delivery suite again. They told me if it keeps up I shall go in, just in case. So that's what we done; Got all the bags together, called Lee's mum around 09am and went to the hospital. They examined me and told me I'm not at all dilated, so sent me home, saying the same thing, that it must be getting my body ready and so. Weird though, cause on Wednesday when I had the sweep done I was 1 cm dilated already, but as they said this closing up thing can happen sometimes... It seemed like though every time something 'went in' my pains got stronger. This time I could cry. I might even have, can't remember.
Mind that, it's Friday afternoon and I've been awake since Wednesday morning. Hello my biggest fear. I'm sure it's not just me feeling everything more painful when knackered, is it?!
Anyways, we went home, I pretty much laid in the bath all day, while Lee was worrying his pants off. I told him to go asleep cause there's no much point of him being awake. Bless him, he tried to help, giving me massage or just to cuddle me, but I couldn't bear his touch. Funny enough, I'm that person who begs for massage normally, so he kind of had a lucky few days. He then snuggled me, got the hot water bottle and some paracetamol ready, lit candles in the living room and tried to make me feel comfortable before going upstairs to bed, but by this point nothing helped. I was beyond tired, unbelievable upset of nothing happening and pissed off of the fact, that this baby of mine makes it so hard for me. I obviously couldn't sleep, was just staring the motives of the orange throw on the sofa, and strangled the pillow every times the contractions came.
Saturday morning it was when I had enough. Called the delivery suit again and screamed. Cried for help, begged them to perform a C section on me immediately cause I couldn't possibly handle it anymore. Bless the receptionist, she tried to calm me down but all she got was angry responses. And, while on the phone, it finally happened; Water started to trickle down my leg. She said to go in but promised nothing.
They took a sample of my water, nice clear ish fluid, examined me again (Only 2 cm! Baby's head still high up.) and sent me back home (Again!), saying that's that, since my water broke I considered to be in real labour, but still at the early stage so I shall call in when my contractions are 3-4 minutes apart and about a minute long. If this wasn't going to happen they would wanted me to go in the following, Sunday morning as all the water shall be gone by then, and there is a 24 hour 'infection' rule on the womb, so in this case they'd have to induce me.
So we went home again, Lee was counting the contractions for a few hours, then sent him to bed to have some rest and was doing it myself, while spent the day walking up and down in the living room, bouncing on my ball or standing under the shower. I was in so much agony, but every third minute, when the pain came I closed my eyes and was thinking of my baby wiggling herself down and getting closer to the big encounter. Was around midnight when I called the hospital and they told me to go in. Woke Lee, called our friend Bob, got the bags and we were on the way. The car ride was horrible, I couldn't bear any of the guys to talk or even to look at me, I just wanted to get over with this entire thing.
Arrived there just past midnight Sunday morning, but by then could hardly walk down the corridor. Was a queue in front of me and the receptionist didn't really seem to give a crap about me screaming, it was a random midwife walking past let the team know that I'm there in need of help. Still, it took them around an hour to get me a room and an other half (?) to get a doctor to examine me. Again! 3 cm... That's when I totally lost it. How can I be in labour for over 3 days, and my body doing nothing?! My baby clearly just playing up, sliding up and down whatever she feels like to do, giving me grief but nothing else is happening?!
The doctor who came to see me first was the same guy who done the sweep on Wednesday. I laughed and told him I hated him, and as he started he shall finish it too and get this baby out of me immediately. He said the baby has dropped down a little (Yay!) and he rather not perform a C section on me straight away, but put me on epidural and have a chat about things after it affected me, since I needed to be on it during a section anyway.
Getting the epidural put in wasn't as painful as I thought it would be, the local anaesthetic beforehand was, but was mainly hard keeping myself straight and still, in the same position while contractions came and went. Especially cause the midwife who supposed to help the doctor, was wandering in and out of the room, ain't got a clue what was she thinking... Apart from that, the drip put in my hand (Incorrectly just to say, bloody, and which from my hand swell to twice a size.) by the midwife was worse than getting a tube put in my spine. This was about 03am and the pain was entirely gone around 05-06am.
The morning came, I got put on a different kind of CTG machine which is basically a wire attached to the baby's head, cause she was moving around a lot and they kept losing track of her heartbeat. The morning staff has arrived, I got a really nice and young midwife, Lee was next to me pretty much all day  and since I couldn't feel much from wait down I could get a couple of hours rest as well. Just about time!
I still had water dripping out of me, but at least was dilating slowly. Ain't going to lie, I felt a little uncomfortable with having to have the catheter used on me and all that, but since the midwife was so friendly I could get over it. Still, I don't want to get old and be defenceless for years, this state for long must be horrible.
The doctors have explained they rather have me giving birth naturally cause I won't feel much anyway, maybe some pushing pains if that, but since they are monitoring my contractions they are able to tell me when to push. Perfect!
It was around 04pm when I got transferred to a bigger room and my midwife left to have her lunch break. It only supposed to be her helping me giving birth and she even said to Lee, if all went well he can be the one performing the actual birth. While she was away the doctor have popped in, a middle age woman, I told her it was time for my epidural top up cause alright that this gas & air is fun (Basically the same stuff they sell in balloons on parties, but I obviously just heard about it...), I'm in quite a bit of pain, but she wanted to examine me before. So lucky she did! I was fully dilated by then and my baby's head was half way down, so she requested to give her a push or two, to see if my baby was moving down with them. She was.
At 0415pm she explained how to push and when. I was confused, it happened way too quick and my pains weren't half as bad as in the past few days. All I could say looking at Lee and the doctor 'Is this us, having a baby? Now? Really?' but there was pushing time again.
I think I pushed through three, maybe four contractions. With the first one we got her head down lower; That's when her heart rate dropped drastically and way too quick, ain't going to lie, for a second thought the normally quick beeping I was listening to in the past 13 hours, going to stop. The buzzer went off and 6-8 people have ran in the room, doctors and midwives, shouting, grabbing my leg, twisting me around, placing me here and there, all very quick. Was scarily like an episode from ER, however I wasn't at all panicking cause I knew we can pull this together. In fact, I was quite amazed how all these people came to help only me, one person.
And I pushed. And they encouraged me. And I squeezed Lee's hand, who couldn't help, but looking what's going on down there. The lady didn't want to come, that was going down, so the doctor got the ventouse, a little vacuum device attached to the baby's head which they were pulling while I'm pushing. I would have preferred to have the forceps used really, I mean it grabs the baby's entire head not just the scalp, but the end of the day as long as it helps... So the doctor said, with the next push the bubba is going to be out, but she needed to snap me before (Here I got scared from the size of the scissors, but felt nothing at the end.) cause I already have tore a little. I asked if it was going to be just the head or the entire baby; She gave me a pity smile and said just the head. But it was the entire baby.
She came out nice and pink and tiny. It felt really weird, for a second you'd think your entire body will split in pieces, than the relief of feeling her body sliding out, than a little wrinkly crying thing on your stomach. I thought I won't shed a tear, but I did. I think Lee did as well, both of us laughing and crying at the same time. 0431pm.
The placenta has pretty much flew out of me, before the doctor even had the chance to put my girl on me. It wasn't even like the umbilical cord stretching and pulling it out, the cord was all saggy. By the sound of it I though it was my newborn has pooed herself with a big noise (It's quite common after birth.) but nah, it was the entire placenta, my body didn't need it anymore and threw it out. Lucky thing the doctor has some reflex and could catch it, if she waited another split second it would've hit her straight on the face. She said she never seen anything like this before.
Then, as someone who loses interest in a toy, stopped being nice or caring, stitched me up not so quickly but quite painfully, put me on a drip and left me there with Lee, the baby and some food.
Lee can handle gore but said the amount of blood came out of me was horrendous but 450 mls - 4.5 dls ain't too bad I reckon.
I ate finally, after days, the midwife showed how to latch my girl properly (No luck.), Lee's mum popped up to see us, then another midwife came, helped me up (Very weak legs.) and pushed all the remaining blood out of me, I had a shower, she put me in a wheelchair and transferred me to the maternity ward around 10pm, where I had to spend two painful days.
So that's how Lileeva Jean Rothwell-Vatai made her appearance, absolutely opposite of how I planned to have her. (But yes, I'm thankful for not choosing to stay home at the end, don't even want to think about what would have happened with her if I did. I was also close to have a blood transfusion after, but it's another story for another time.)


Szüléstörténet magyarul. Katt.

Saturday, 19 November 2011

159.

We arrived on Sunday the 13th of November at 16:31 with 49 cm and 2870 g ~ 6 lbs 4 oz.

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

158.

So these are the ones I'm wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggling her for. Breath in now breath out, hands up now hands down.
It felt more effective yesterday, but hey, fingers crossed.

157.

Another ridiculous day behind. I hate my hospital.
Had the appointment to see the consultant and to get the sweep done at 0920am, I've got seen at around 1040am. This time it was a really decent, young ish guy, I reckon gay. (The gayer the better. In my opinion anyway.) First of all he checked the baby's position and heart rate, which he found straight away! That's when I was like alright, finally a person who knows what he is doing.
Me and Lee both agreed on him doing the sweep, and he explained it should work within 24-48 hours... If it does. This sweep thing itslef wasn't one of my nicest experiences, but what else would one expect, after all it's all about someone touching your still inside, chillaxing baby's head... It says on my notes I was 1cm dilated already. Weird?! Ain't complaining though.
Then, because of my high blood pressure and not excellent, only O.K. urine he ordered me to get a blood test done straight after and go back for the results within a few hours. He told me if everything was alright they probably just going to send me home, but if they saw anything what would worry them, they'd induce me tonight straight away. This was around 1130am.
Went back for 0200pm to get my blood and urine result. And here's where all it started. First of all, had to wait for over half an hour on the boiling hot reception. For what, I don't know.
Then to be seated to a chair, to check the baby's heart rate. Only thing, the midwife forgot to put me on the CTG machine until 0325pm. Since I'm only supposed to be on it for about half an hour, it pissed me off. I could've been out of there by then already.
The doctor popped up every now and then, saying my blood results are good, she's just waiting for the urine test which should be in the system by 0350pm.
At 0420pm when the midwife said she's off home cause her swap has arrived I asked her to get me off of the machine finally, cause was bursting for a pee. Lileeva was pushing my bladder every now and then giving me grief, not to mention the little pains, but I'm still not sure what they were. I mean, I've only had breakfast at 0800am and couple of milkshakes for my heartburn, with going to the loo regularly so couldn't really be constipation. Or could it?!
While I was on CTG the doctor has been called away to do emergency C sections on the delivery suite, and even though the midwives have access to my files, they couldn't let me off, needing the doctor's approval. She finally came at 0500pm, just to let me know that everything is fine and I can go home. Do I even have to say that I knew this will happen?!
She ordered me a blood pressure test for Friday, which obviously can't be done at home cause our machine might not be good enough. Also having an appointment for next Wednesday to get me induced if Lileeva didn't came by then.
I hope she will come by then, I can't mentally be doing this wait around game again, pisses me off way too much.
Then after all this I quickly ran back down to the antenatal clinic to try and catch one of the (Only Wednesday practicing.) thyroid doctors to double check and push towards home birth again. Understand my point as easy as it is; Unnecessary tests all the time, cause no one believes me. I don't want this to happen while I'm actually giving birth, I want to do it in peace. I know they just want to make sure that everything is fine with both me and the baby but it's ridiculous. 8 hours of stress and waiting around for something I already knew; That me and my girl are absolutely fine!
Now here's another thing. A midwife I could talk to at the clinic was shocked by many points of my story; Firs of all that I was still there after this morning's appointment, then that the fact the obstetricians, home birth team and doctors are kept sending me to each other throughout my entire pregnancy without giving me explanations. So she did; I'd still be able to apply for home birth, but someone has to come out to do an assessment on our flat to see if it was acceptable, then they have to send this assessment to a team who decides about it all. Since it takes a while, they usually do this on or around week 34. Now cause I had the sweep done today I can go into labour pretty much any time from now on, therefor it's all pointless. Good that I kept fully informed, eh?! I finally left the building at 0520pm. Nice day, just as I planned. Not!
By the way my baby is legendary already! The midwife actually thought I moved the little CTG stickers on my belly cause after like 20 minutes she pretty much disappeared and her rates were hardly visible for the next half an hour or so. During this period there was a clearly visible lump on my right side, high up, very close to my boob haha!
Lee was with me all day, bless him. Since he works nights that means he came home after his 12 hours shift and managed the day through without even having a nap. We got home from the hospital past 0600pm so after 26 hours awake, he called his boss of missing out on his shift and went straight to bed.
I had a pretty bad sleep last night, but thought I'd stay awake for a while and write about all this.
Sitting in my usual position, my little big girl doesn't anymore feel like she is high up in my ribs, and counting in the past almost 3 hours, my pains are regular-irregular 5-7 minutes period pains. Wouldn't call them contractions since they aren't up in my womb, more likely the cervix area. It either has something to do with dilating or I'm constipating. Then again, every month while having my period it kind of feels like I'm constipating so...
Anyways, my friend said I shall try and sit in a hot bath for some time and watch what's happening. These pains either disappear or get stronger and regular, then so I'll be able to know whether or not it's the real deal. It probably isn't yet though.
Will give this bubba a little dance, a glass of prune juice (Just in case.) then a bath before bed. See what happens.

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

156.

She was 4 days overdue with her twin boys and apparently a couple of days after this video has been taken she gave birth naturally. Bang tidy! I know what I'm doing tonight.

155.

Haha just remembered we have this printed out somewhere, all I have to do is it to stick it up on the wall.
Just in case...

154.

Here is a link about how beneficial natural child birth is, over a Cesarean section. It's all about the hormone which a C section it's not likely to be released in as big of a dose as would benefit the baby, make her bond easier and to start the milk flowing quicker. Oxytocin it is, the love hormone.
Now thinking about it I might be close to going to labour, since I'm feeling all snuggley towards Lee, like a little kitten haha! Might be something to do with the winter coming as well, I feel all loved up during this time of the year.
I don't feel much difference after passing my due date though, but to be honest I thought that's going to be the case and it will pass just as a normal preggers day.
Lileeva's moves are getting a bit more aggressive if I can say this, it's like she's pushing her head down stronger. Well... Sill not strong enough though; I don't feel her to be engaged and as soon as her pushes it down it's like she feels my muscles tighten up from the pain and she rather back up, pushing my bladder instead, not wanting to hurt me.
I reckon she'll be coming early morning as of she always active around 02-03am nowadays. Other thing is, I only feel her moving down when I'm sitting or laying, never when I'm walking or standing. Not sure why?!
These heading-down pains did worry me a little, especially cause no matter how hard I try I can't really relax my muscles, but I reckon it's more likely cause of the uncomfortable 'everything' feeling down there. I mean I have a quick shooting pain down there, bursting for a pee an inch or two above, and getting kicked just under the ribs at the same time. It's not bad, I rather call it weird.
Still kind of believe when it finally starts off for real, it won't be hurting as much. I imagine myself getting up from the sofa ('Damn I need a wee again!') and pop, there goes my water.
I can't wait to see her but I think my excitement only going to kick to 100% when the first contractions start. Simply cause I still found this entire thing unreal and still not sure it hit me yet! We are about to have a baby in literally any minute! It's something big and life changing which ain't happening every day to us.
(Message to the people calling me daily about 'Where is she? Did you give birth yet?' - Stop it! It doesn't help, you just annoy me to hell. Thank you.)

Monday, 7 November 2011

153.

My week by week bump-volution. Meaning; Being utterly bored, trying to entertain myself until I pop this gorgeous little monster. Come on now girl, we are all waiting for you!

Sunday, 6 November 2011

Friday, 4 November 2011

151.

Been to the hospital today to see the midwife. I had to wait quite some time but it definitely worth it.
She spent about an hour with me, asking questions and answering to mines. She as well suggested to stay home as long as I can when I'm in labour. Given me the numbers to call when the time has come, and explained if neither me and the midwife on the phone weren't sure what's going down they might would want me to go in to the hospital, but if I'm not much dilated they'd just send me back home. Still, can't imagine how am I going to notice that I'm in labour?! Ah well...
She had exactly the same problem like the woman seen me the week before though; Couldn't find Lileeva to listen to her heart haha! This time I knew there were no problems, cause she might be quiet and shy during the day but is always fidgeting for long around bed time. Anyways, she ended up calling a doctor who brought the scan machine and found the little monster straight away. Weird though how neither of us could tell where she was, touching my bump. I mean it's big, and baby is big and fully baked too, all they could figure that she was head down (Still not engaged. Sigh.) but not the body...
Turns out she's mostly curled up on her side. We are kind of like side-to-side (If there is a back-to-back, there is a side-to-side too I assume. In my dictionary there is, anyway.), her head is below my tummy, her spine is along my right side and her bum is under my right boob, leaving her little legs and arms on my left side. (This made me realise how big she is!) Makes sense; That's where I feel the punches and kicks most of the times, while only feeling her little hiccups when laying on my right. The doctor said her position is perfect 'coming out' position and I have a good amount of water on the left side for her which means my placenta still works good. Yay!
I made an early appointment for next Wednesday the 9th to get the sweep done, I do hope it works pretty much straight away and can have her on Friday. (I know, I'm selfish with this date thing haha!)
If she won't be coming by next weekend either, I have to go back and do the induction procedure the week after... Fingers crossed there won't be need for that though.
I have everything ready, but still feel a little unprepared. Feels like I forgot something... I have my music sorted, have my oils mixed, even have a bag of snacks (Crisps, chocolate, lollipops, fruits, water and energy drinks. Prepared much?!) in the fridge ready to throw on top of the bag. All I have to do is double-triple check the hospital bags, and write a list to Lee what I need him to whack in them the very last minute, like slippers and toothbrush and stuff.
I can't wait to hold her finally, but looking at Lee, I think he is even more excited about meeting with her at last, he can't stop talking about her! Aww I love my family so much!

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

150.

Lee done his Christmas shopping the other day and came back with outfits for Lileeva! He said he couldn't resist; I know what he means though, these baby clothes are just shouting at you to buy them! He knew he's going to do my head in with the 0-3 months sizing but he wants to see our little girl in them straight away.
Here they are, a full sheep outfit with a hood, and a three piece set of sheepy-prisony madness. Proper cute!


With today I only have 5 days until my due date. I'm still not feeling it, to be honest. Probably Sunday is just going to pass like every other pregnant days of mine.
I don't like bouncing on my ball yet, doesn't feel too comfortable, in fact gives me a little back ache, reckon it has something to do with the big boobs?! She doesn't feel like engaging either when I'm out and about walking, only pushes my bladder, making me wanting the loo every minute.
Keep wondering when and how she's going to make her appearance, whether I'm going to be indoors or out, whether it will start with my water breaking or contractions...
I just hope she does it by herself and not going to wait out that 2 extra weeks, otherwise I'm going to get cut up, and that wouldn't be good for either of us. Fingers crossed.

Monday, 31 October 2011

149.


This is no motivation week again.
Feeling tired and sleepy all the time. Reckon it has something to do with getting closer and closer to my due date, and of course the gloomy dark weather. Which I like very much, but makes me want to curl up in my pyjamas and snooze all day. So that's what I do.
Have a busy Friday behind. We got up kind of early ish and done a massive shopping. Pretty much stocked up all the cupboards, freezer and fridge so we shall be alright for a month and a half, two months. That was the plan, so one less thing to worry about when the baby is here.
Then we got ready and went out to party it up. We got to Electrowerkz for opening at 10pm but there was already a big queue so lucky we didn't go later like I suggested. Had a look around, and again, don't get how did I manage to find people there last year, absolutely drunk! The place is massive and has a layout of a labyrinth.
Anyways, we found our spot in the main room, grabbed a seat and that's where we stayed pretty much all night. Lee didn't really want to walk about in case we lose our bang tidy seats and to be honest, I didn't either mind staying on my ass. The event got busy very quick and it was a hassle to manage my way even to the toilets. I had a quite obvious bump and costume on me, people still didn't really notice it and were pushing me around. Don't blame them though, I'd have done the same I reckon.
The state of the loos were disgusting, almost forgot how it's like to be out in a warehouse like club (Or any kind of clubs nowadays really.) which I don't normally mind, but being a week away from my due date did make me pray every time I squatted above the toilet for my water not to break there and then.
Lee's dad picked us up on his way home from work at about 0130am, lucky thing; By then the club got unbelievable busy and fighting our ways through the crowded rooms to the cloakroom gave me a mini panic attack.
All in all it was a good night, and maximum respect for Lee, who didn't even want to get pissed without me, even though I kept offering him shots and drinks. I mean, I wouldn't have minded at all, but he rather have took it easy and looked after us, his ladies. My gentleman!

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

148.

I keep banging on about how much I love the 90's and those 'good old times' when I was a kid. I know it's different now but I hope I'll be able to give some of this vibe to my daughter.
I found this today:

'People were born before 1990.
Everyone was born before 1990 is a real super hero, one of those survivors from a Hollywood movie.
If you think about it; it's a miracle that we are still alive...
We didn't have car seats, the medicine bottles were to be opened easily, in fact nor the drawers or doors had child protection on them.
When we went to cycle we didn't have elbow- and knee-pads, not a helmet, sometimes not even a proper bike!
We drank the water from the tap and weren't even sure what 'mineral water' stood for.
We weren't really bored, if we could we went out to play. Yes, outside! Our parents just guessed where we must've been, and that we were safe... Some of us didn't even have a land-line, let alone a mobile! Not for us kids, anyway.
During the summer we were playing in the waist-high grass or in the nearby forest but we didn't have allergic attacks or ended up covered in a rush. When fell, hurt ourselves, broke a bone or simply cracked our heads open, no one got sued. It was entirely our faults.
It was even OK for the stronger to smack the weaker, our parents didn't really complain about it either.
Comparing to Weightwatchers we multiplied the deadly dose of calories with each meal, even a fat, McDonald's fed American kid would be surprised of what we considered as 'food'. Just think about those school meals...
There were no Vitamin A, B, C, D, E in the hot chocolate, but was bitter 'cocoa' and still made us happy, when our parents mixed it with sugar and milk in a pan, serving it to us before bed.
We drank the classic, sweetener free but high in sugar raspberry squash, just as we mixed the lemonade for ourselves and ate the unwashed, sometimes unripe fruits straight off from the trees.
We had friends. Those whom we met on the street, the football field or around the table tennis. If not, we knocked on their doors and they let us in. We didn't have to ask either our or their parents, let alone they had to take and bring us by car. And we are still here!
Our house keys were hanging in our necks when we went out and we were playing with sticks, throwing a ball to and at each other. Still, didn't poke out each other's eyes and the rest of our wounds have all healed.
We had a policy of 'do what you can'. We only let you play football with us if you were good at it, if you weren't you had to stand on the side and watch, or play something else with someone else.
We didn't learn what love was from soaps, we experienced it on the street, with that first kiss.
When a teacher smacked us, we didn't stab him, sue him or complained about him at home to our parents. In fact, if we could hide the shame, we didn't even tell it!
We knew the rules, and when we made mistakes our parents weren't necessary on our sides. They taught us how to live with duty, guilt, responsibility and happy. We knew the weight and the meaning behind these words.
That's us, heros of a long forgotten time which today's youngsters are just smiling at, incomprehensibly.'

147.

Sorted all my musics for labour finally!
Have a nice selection of house, progressive psy and minimal electronic, easy listening tunes such as artists like Beckers, Last Man Standing, Solar Fields, Suntree, Casio Samples, Zagar and of course Shpongle. 14 hours all together, should be enough.
As of the chill section, I'll be rocking it up with H.U.V.A. Network, Peace Orchestra and more Solar Fields. Only 6 hours worth of mixes, but I have a feeling I'll be craving for more intense music than ambient anyway.
Have them all synched on my phone as well, if I needed to take my mind off of things in the hospital.

Since Lileeva is squashing my organs and hardly lets me breathe, let alone eat (Oh the heartburn.) we decided with Lee to go for a natural type of induction straight after week 40. Only talking about a sweep or the hormone gel, which sometimes don't even work, so nothing serious, but I rather give them a go.
Not knowing where to go with the above request (Pretty much not knowing anything about what to do if I was overdue.) sent a text to my midwife on Monday, if and when was I supposed to see her again, and she replied I wasn't actually. What the hell?! I mean it's my first baby, I need to be looked after, especially cause I'm 'high risk'... That's what all my notes say anyway.
I called the hospital and the maternity help line the following day, both said it's Tracey, who supposed to be responsible for me whom after this I don't really want to go back to. She never for example checked the position of Lileeva, or measured my bump, all she done was giving me a booklet at the very beginning, talked me through a few stuff briefly and sent me to antenatal classes.
Rest of my information are collected from Google. No lies.
Instead of worrying or pissing myself off with thinking too much about it I just went in to the hospital today and had an appointment booked for myself for next Friday. The hospital midwives seemed nice and helpful, just what I need really. Hopefully they will explain everything and will let me have the sweep done straight away, or a couple of days after my due date. Will have to ask them of the method of the gel thing too, apparently not all hospitals let patients use the birthing pool after that?!
Ah well, see how it goes. I bet she's ready now, just taking over after her daddy and can't be bothered moving but staying comfy, safe and sound as long as she can. Aww. My two lazy beans.

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

146.

I pimped her ride!
Still looks amateur and cheap, but definitely comfier than it looked before. And at least she has little friends to look at and poke around. This is obviously her all time home rocking chair, the another big black one is for the road. Not like we have a car or can drive, but will come useful when we need to get a lift by someone.

145.

Done lots of researches the other day about birth giving itself.
It started off with wondering what position would be the best in the birthing pool. Obviously I won't be able to know it until I get there, but it's good to be informed about the options. If I remember right the pool is wide, so won't be able to kind of float on my back, having Lee holding me under my shoulders and to push myself with my legs, they just wouldn't reach to the other side. Only having Lee grabbing me on one end, having my legs floating around wouldn't be comfy I think. Same with resting them on the bottom in this position since my spine would be hollow.
I kind of imagine facing Lee, standing/squatting in the pool or if it had an edge inside, kneeling on it. This would be the best really.
The hospital I'll be giving birth at doesn't let fathers/birthing partners in the pool for some reason, but don't think it's going to be an issue. Not position wise anyway.
Here is a useful link about how to use a birthing pool, and this one is about the pros and cons. Don't see many cons, to be honest, apart from the infection, but hey... If you can't handle your own pee, you shouldn't ever go to swimming pools, to the sea or to any other public water. You get the point.
My issue is with myself only. Obviously the midwife will monitor Lileeva's heart rate every now and then, so that's fine, but she most probably will do check ups on me as well. Now, hospital people don't like high blood pressure, quick ish heart rate and quick, sometimes irregular breathing. I have them all, naturally. I  know about the breathing techniques, and in head I'm sorted how to keep calm, but that doesn't mean anything, does it?!
So as soon as my contractions start and first speak with the hospital I'll explain all the above, as well as write a note about these and stick it next to my birthing plan. Will make sure Lee will talk to them about this as well, when we go in. With all this I should be fine, after all they're going to see that I'm prepared and not just screaming bullshit out of nowhere when going in on pain at the late stage of my labour.
Lee said I shouldn't say and jinx it, but I do believe it's all going to go smooth. Hopefully I'll be going into labour not long after waking from a good night sleep (Less of the moodiness. I can handle pain, but not tiredness.), have a 'chilled out' good few hours at home with Lee, with my oils, on the birthing ball and under the shower, and will be having our daughter quick ish, within a couple of hours in the hospital, free of complications. This is how I planned and this is how it's going to be.
I feel prepared and even Lee said, he feels ready for the baby to come.

Monday, 24 October 2011

144.

It's school holiday, so that means one thing; Neighbour kid upstairs is running about all day on the wooden floor, not letting us sleep. Sigh.
Anyways, at least we got out of the flat, walked all the way to Lou's, helped her doing some shopping and was chilling at hers for a bit.
Haven't seen my nephew Alfie for ages! He looks much happier since he had his operation. He also seems to be remembering me, and knowing who I am, finally. Didn't even cry on me but gave me flirty little giggles.
He is definitely a boobie man, I had him on my lap and he went straight for them, doing the 'Honk honk!' and pulling my top off, giving me cheeky grins! Swear Lee got a bit jealous haha!

We got a couple of baby seats too, both can be used as car seats, so that's sorted as well. Also, they will come handy when we want to put her down a little, I mean it's better for her to sit and rock away in one of them, instead of laying in the travel cot, staring at the ceiling.

143.

Just hit me the other night that I haven't even had a proper look into the nationality question. For some reason I thought our baby would automatically be registered both as British and Hungarian. Well...
Since Lee is British and she'll born here, I assume she's going to class as British, straight away?! I very much hope so though, can't find many references, Google ain't my friend.
- So first of all have to have her birth certificate sorted in the Town Hall with official proofs (Hospital papers I reckon?!) of who she is. Hope it goes easy and quick, and won't have trouble of proving who her father is and shit like that. (I know Lou had problems with this and Alfie's last name, cause she was in hospital and couldn't sign the official papers.) I think the registration and what not is about £10-20 so can get away with this one.
- Then we have to apply for her British passport, which wouldn't yet be 100% necessary if we didn't want to travel back home within a few months or years. But we do. So that's another £50 which is O.K. but apparently a full British birth certificate doesn't always count as a proof, so they might need Lee's passport and/or certificate with a written proof of him being the father.
- To get her Hungarian nationality we need to sort out a Hungarian birth certificate for her, which takes about 3 months. The translation and checks which needs to be done on the original costs about £65.
- She's only able to get a Hungarian passport if she has a Hungarian birth certificate, and the passport costs about £40.
It's all a massive madness, lots of running about and paper work, ridiculous! Not to mention that most institutes (For example when we apply for benefits straight after her birth, for a passport, the council, the embassy and so.) doesn't approve a copy of her birth certificate, but only the original document to be sent by post... Now what if it got lost?! Is she not going to exist until I pay hundreds to get a copy (!) of the original from the Town Hall?! Jokes.
Thought it'd be something like going to the Town Hall with the hospital papers, Lee's and my ID, and that's that, she has a joint nationality. So naive.
Anyways, what I'm going to do is register her as British, get her passport sorted and within time I get her Hungarian certificate done too. From then on we might as well apply for Hungarian passports and IDs for her if we could. Not cause it's cool or would really matter, but cause it's cheaper, if I'm right.
To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't even care about her nationality, I mean just think about it... I'm here for years now, not very much bonded with my country and actually curse myself for not sorting my Home Office papers out cause if I did I could already have applied for becoming a British citizen.
I mainly want to do this for her. I don't want to be the reason of not giving her a chance if she wanted to go and fuck off to Hungary for a while or for good.