Lileeva's birthday

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Tuesday, 6 December 2011


Week 3.
I had my blood test repeated and since didn't hear from my GP assume I have no problems with my iron, liver and sugar. So that's done for a while.
Lileeva had to get another blood test done (Bless the poor thing!) cause her results came back high for the thyroid thing. Luckily the woman called me a couple of days later, saying all is good, so no more tests on her for time being. Yay!
We got our tattoos done with Lee, but have posted about it already.
One night Molek came around, we had a good chat and a few ciders. He brought Lileeva some crystals, a nice combination for keeping calm, and good vibes.

Another night Big Lee and Darren popped over, we had a few drinks and had a blast of card and board games. Can't wait for my girl to be big enough so can play these with her. Ah well, few more years to go haha! I do hope she's going to enjoy these old school games just as much as I did and still do.

The weekend Lee went back to work and I was terrified how will I cope with Lileeva alone. The first night was alright, she didn't scream much and only woke up for feeding in a few hours. She was moaning from time to time, but finally fell asleep on my shoulder the little weirdo!

The following morning/early afternoon she started off though, don't know why. Lee was home and made her calm down before he left for work, but it didn't last for long and I had hell of a night. She stopped half way through her bottle, cried, I changed her, still cried, tried to give her the rest of the bottle, fell asleep for half an hour, but just as I was going to curl up on the sofa, she started off again. Clearly didn't want to be in her Moses basket, so I ended up sleeping with her on my chest, uncomfy, but hey, at least could get a few hours of sleep.
Probably didn't help on the situation that I started to use the washable nappies on her the weekend too. She doesn't like the idea of it. Kind of understand her point, the disposable ones are super absorbent, while the textile clearly ain't as good, and leaves her bum bum wet and makes her scream. Also, even the newborn size looks uncomfortably big, but triple checking it every time I change her and it fits properly, so all good. By the third day she started to get used them too, I think. Still, I might be using disposable ones for peaceful nights and when for we go out.
As of sleeping on my shoulder... I noticed she likes to lay on her stomach, so done a little research, even called my mum. I know lots of people and studies say it can be dangerous, but on the other hand if she feels comfy that way, why not?! It also reduces the chance of her getting ADHD and noticed too that she doesn't jump as much that way. I'm having her sleeping on her back while I'm asleep anyway and only putting her on her tummy during the day when I'm able to keep checking on her. Just in case.

Health wise: Only a tiny bit of bleeding, and not as strong fanny-punches than before, so this means less and weaker painkillers. Whoop!
My appetite is back, so started to eat properly at last, as well as putting some weight back, my stomach ain't as sunken as the first week. I've been doing daily sit-ups as well, but it's something I should've done years ago, so...
Oh and since I'm properly healed I had a good old shave and finally saw what I'm doing down there. Little things what make one's day, eh?!
Mood wise: I still don't think I'm 100% stable. I feel schizophrenic from time to time, letting a little shout out when she screams, then cuddling her crying, telling her sorry and that how much I love her. It's awful.
I try to be the best for both Lee and Lileeva, but whenever she cries or see Lee being tired I feel like a massive failure cause of letting them down. (Lee cheered me up though with saying I'm not, cause I care and I try. I'll try and keep these in mind, next time I feel down.)
I also might be developing OCD. When I have some free time I tidy the place, do the washing, or like the other day, sorting my socks and pants out for close to 2 hours! Scary.
Another thing is; I keep hear her crying, even though she isn't, and/or not even in the flat but is out with Lee. This must be normal mind games of the beginners, just like how we were jumping the first week every time she moved.
I still sleep tense as well, I wouldn't even call it proper sleep, cause I'm always aware what's going on around me.
It's just all really new and have to get used to each other I reckon. It's like when getting into a new relationship, takes time to adapt.
Lileeva: I noticed she rather stops half way through her bottle if it cools down, and ain't having it cold even she's still hungry, the fussy little thing! She takes it, but chokes on it, showing that she wants it but it ain't good enough for her, making me get up and re-warm it.
As before she usually cried when she wanted to be put down, nowadays she cries when she wants to be held upright or carried around.
We also noticed that she has a strong neck already! She tried to hold her head before as well, but when I first put her on her stomach, she pretty much straight away turned her head from one side to another (With a little bit of bouncing and struggle in the middle.) while still asleep, so it assured me that we have not much to worry about.
I as well started to think this freezing cold could be the reason of her night time screaming sessions. It's pretty cold in the flat too and takes a lot to warm the place up, but is something to try to make all of us comfortable.
All in all: We are getting better and better, and I'm proud of myself of managing to keep calmer when she screams and spend more time on learning and studying her, and what's the best for her instead.
Cause when she's happy, quiet and asleep, I am happy, quiet and can sleep too. Hah!

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