I'll try and sum up what's been happening but it's all becoming a big blur with time.
So I had to spend our first two days in the hospital's maternity ward. They usually let new mums go within 24 hours but even though they took blood from Lileeva straight after birth, they wanted to repeat the test and they are only allowed to take blood from newborns twice in 48 hours.
Anyways, the ward was kind of like a baby-mum prison, there were 3-4 beds in a row and opposite each other, parted with a thick curtain, and each section included a drawer, a lamp, a buzzer, a table and a see-through plastic Moses basket on wheels. All squeezed in to a tiny space of course. Luckily I had my bed next to the window so I had some kind of contact with the 'real world'. We're not even able to carry our baby around in our arms, only in that Moses basket thing, for safety reasons. We couldn't even leave the ward to go to the hospital's Café, cause we couldn't take the baby out and you just wouldn't want to leave your newborn unattended, would you?!
I had trouble sleeping, not only cause of the screaming babies (Lileeva only had her screaming fit on the second night.) but cause all I wanted to do is stare at my gorgeous little girl. The midwives came at stupid o'clocks as well (02am and times like that.) to check my blood pressure and her temperature and to ask questions like did I need painkillers and have I pooed yet. (Constipation comes accompany with all the straining during birth giving.) As of the painkillers, I did need them. It was mainly my stitches (Damn, how much peeing stung!) but I could hardly put my weight on one of my legs, possibly had something to do with the epidural hitting a nerve in my spine.
The midwives were really helpful though, they kept showing me how to latch Lileeva, which unfortunately didn't work out for us. I didn't have much milk (This supposed to be normal at the beginning.) and she wasn't opening her mouth big enough so was only sucking on the nipple, which is painful as hell! So I ended up with bleeding nipples by the second night, and that was when she had enough of not getting much food and so screamed through the entire night. Bless her. And bless my ears! That's how she became a formula baby. Another thing I didn't want to, I would've preferred breastfeeding, but hey...
Lee spent the visiting times with us, cuddling our lady, which gave me time to have a shower or simply to rest a little.
The second day the ward got quite busy and there were some hassle around the discharged patients so I literally had to threat the head-midwife that I'm going to discharge myself and walk out. Then she pulled herself together, gave me some painkillers, laxatives and iron tablets and let me go. Even though, my hemoglobin was below low, and the only reason she didn't keep me in and ordered a blood transfusion was that I was symptom free.
The first night at home was nice and calm, still, we didn't get much sleep. We jumped every time Lileeva moved, but I reckon it's normal at the beginning. We had her between us in the bed, she was a good girl, woken only for feedings in every 4 hours.
Wednesday a midwife came out to check up on us. Baby has lost weight (As it happens, 9 months worth of poo has to come out after all.), her Jaundice was going away and my scars were healing just fine, even though one of them was swollen a bit. We went to see some family, Lee's parents, granddad and cousins, was an all in all good day too.
But the night when the trouble started... Turns out SMA, the formula we bought causes baby constipation, however, we didn't find out about it until Saturday. And baby constipation is the worst a parent can imagine. She screamed the house down and we couldn't do much until the morning, apart from Lee massaging her little belly.
Thursday we went out for a walk over the park and bought Infacol on the way, it's a clever little drop given to the bubba before each feed and it makes them 'bring the wind up easier' aka burp. This was the day when my milk finally kicked in. Took a while. My boobs got massive, it was ridiculous, I could barely squeeze them into my 42F nursing bras! Since we got in the formula habit by then quite well and my nipples were still sore, I chickened out, and didn't start to breastfeed.
Friday another midwife came out to do some more blood tests on her. She said I just shall wear tight support bras every day and every night, and never to touch my boobs then so my milk should dry out in a few weeks. It kind of did by Sunday. Quick, eh?! No more Pamela Anderson, hah!
We gave Lileeva her first bath this night, she didn't like it, but calmed her down indeed. If I remember right, her belly button thing fell off the following day. Hopefully this means she's going to be a quick healer, just like me.
Saturday we took her down to the pub to meet with the men and to have a chillaxed drink at last! I left Lee and his dad to get smashed together finally and went home with my screaming angel. This was the night we changed to Cow & Gate formula which we use ever since, and seems to be working out for us.
Health wise: By the weekend my stitches started to itch and hurt way too much! I was still bleeding and it made it look they stitched me on a wrong place, I got highly paranoid. Lee offered and checked it out himself (After all he's seen our daughter come out of me, and the doctor snapping me so technically from now on anything could come, couldn't it?!) and he said it looked fine but swollen. Since it was during the weekend I couldn't do much about it, just popping my super Hungarian painkillers, which by the way, according to the midwife came to see me on Wednesday, is better than the one I got from the hospital. Also, a different feeling took over down there as well; We just call it a fanny-punch, sums it up really. They said I should heal in a couple of weeks time, well the first week certainly didn't do me any good.
Previously, while I was in labour, read a brilliant Hungarian article about how women's body change after pregnancy. One might be able to get back in shape within a year or so but it's hard work. I've never imagined otherwise, after all you had a little person growing inside you for 9 months who comes out, and your body needs time to shrink and to obviously lose the extra baby weight. And the boobs of course, possibly the only part of my body I was ever vain about but was ready to give it all up and breastfeed, regardless how they would look after.
Well, I have to say, surprise surprise. I'm slimmer than before pregnancy! Didn't yet have a chance to weight myself yet, but the tummy is definitely flatter than before. Even my boobs are smaller I reckon, but something for something, I don't mind. I finally like what I see in the mirror. Never would have imagined it'll happen after pregnancy, always thought I'll be a big blob.
Mood wise: Lot's of tears! Even more!
When Lileeva screamed I cried too. Then Lee took over of looking after her which made me feel guilty and a bad mother, and I cried again.
Then the guiltiness; Realising on Wednesday (After all Lee's family have seen our girl.) that my mum and nan only seen one photo of her yet, and she's the only one grandchildren... That's when I booked a flight for my mum (Nan doesn't anymore want to risk the journey.) for a weekend here with us.
Then looking at Lee and our daughter, and thinking how much I love them and the meaning they gave my life... So I cried again, of course.
Didn't help on the frustration that I wanted to keep the flat tidy, wanted to cook, wanted to keep myself pulled together, wanted to concentrate on the baby and on pretty much everything at the same time.
And I even pretty much cried every time an emotional shitty music video came on telly. Hormones!
All in all: Week 1. was a really hard work, harder than I'd ever imagine.