Lileeva's birthday

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Friday, 30 September 2011


Yesterday's scan went well, Lileeva Jean has put on 1360 g ~ 3 lbs in the past month, weighing a total of 2342 g ~ 5 lbs 3 oz, all healthy, sucking away on her little thumb safe and sound.
Might be the medication and the stress over the council, but I somehow managed to lose 1 kg ~ 2 lbs in a week! Not complaining though haha! Wonder how much more will go down in this mad heatwave...

As of the council; I did not receive any kind of response until the deadline of yesterday, so I sent them an e-mail saying I'm willing to take the case further up, when the reply came; -'We are very sorry, the response for your complaint has been sent out by post on the 9th of September.' what a bunch of liars!
Anyways, after making a few phone calls, I finally managed to have someone to come out from the visitor team to check the state how we live. They obviously will be needing to put everything in writing, so this could take forever again.
That's why I e-mailed to the complaint team again, saying I'm requesting to send all their further responses out in e-mail too, within a week after the official letter has been post. If I failed to be informed by time about my status, I'll be taking the case further. In fact, if they won't be giving me a chance to bid for a place within the next month or so, I'll be taking it further anyway. This seems to be the only way to deal with these people, and since I have nothing to hide, why not?!
Not one of Lee's family members have said, that I'll be soon enough getting bored of waiting anyway, and I'll end up going in with a rucksack, putting my Hungarian accent on and tell them Lee left me, so as everyone else, I'll have more of a chance of getting a flat. They clearly don't know me, that's all I have to say. I mean seriously, why lie when I can kick the hell out of these services legally? I'm so lucky to have Tünde who's been here for ages now, and knows a lot about law and can help me out and make me brace and to stand up for myself and my family.
I'm just surprised, none of the above mentioned people have looked into these things, after all if we are talking about official institutes, we are talking about rights and orders, and they have their own rules for these situations. They are just lucky, cause as the examples show most people are scared to use them.
Funny. People's own fear is their worst enemies.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011


I have to mention here, that I made my first ever poppy seed cake last Friday! Well... First ever cake really. Well chuffed! It's something my friend Tünde is good at, and ever since Lee tried it he kept bugging me for the recipe, so she felt responsible for helping me out and sharing the secret. Unfortunately she'll be moving to New Zealand in a month or so, but we had a deal of weekly visits and bakings until then. At least I'm out when Lee is still asleep, I'm with a friend who doesn't anymore work so would just be bored sitting home like me, and of course I'm learning to be comfortable in the kitchen. Useful and fun, what else a mum-to-be would want?

Something absolutely different; We were talking about marriage with Lee the other day. Again. We both are on the same opinion of it being just a kind of useless paperwork, but it still hits you on the soft spot when a person you love the most and want to spend your life with, says he doesn't want to get married.
It's not that I want to get married, it's just I don't want it to be said out loud. He said it would be pointless anyway, cause he classes me as his wife already, which I agree with; We live together, we have a cat together, we have a baby on the way. What else can you class as marriage?! A paper and a ring. So what? He didn't say it won't ever happen, in fact he said, one day when we are comfortable with money, we will have our own 'big day'. Also, both of us being previously engaged, we know nothing depends on the title, it won't change and/or make our relationship better, so is mainly money out the window which we don't yet have.
See, I wouldn't even mind getting married but I never wanted to be a wife. Something to do with the stereotypes I reckon, haha! I would want to have a day all about me, a girly day with a hairdresser, make-up artist, nice big dress and to be treated as a princess.
On the other hand; I had a day for myself, my Baby Shower. And what happened?! Been thrown in the spotlight I was just sitting in the corner not being able to do much with the situation.
Hah! Contradictions.
All in all, I think it's more likely something to do with the wedding dress(es) and to look buff and posh for an entire day, with the loved one. (Not like I'd be able to choose one out from all the gorgeous outfits.) Apart from that, -as gay as it may sounds- I'm being treated like a little princess every day by my boy anyways. Yay.

Friday, 30 September 2011 23:38
My designer friend Katta just said, she can make the above dress for me,  if I wanted to. Absolutely forgot about she had dresses designed with the similar style for the catwalk, not even that long ago. Hah!


Just a quick update before tomorrow's scan and council madness.
I had ups and downs this week already, and it's only Wednesday, hah! It's weird how quick and effective we pass our vibes and energy to the other with Lee.
The first couple of day offs he had, were hell. He was in the mood for no reason, woken up feeling angry, and without even saying a bad word you could just feel his negativeness in the whole flat. I tried to stay positive, asking what he wanted to do, made him food, sat with him quietly, and so, but he was still huffing and puffing, so just gave him a cuddle and that it was. Within minutes he was all cheered up and I, the other hand, wanted to kill myself.
This was on Monday. Luckily my friend Molek was visiting that afternoon, which I wasn't at all in the mood for obviously, but he brought so much positive energy with him, it gave both me and Lee a big boost.
It was until he left, then we were back on the couch watching him playing Xbox.
On this note I want to say, it has definitely something to do with this flat. Plain colors, empty walls... One  of those places you can rent out anytime. Which I'm not complaining about, but it's not the kind of home I imagine for myself. When we have a place I want somewhere we all love to be, sitting indoors not giving us the blues, but the boost. (Post 64.)
Tuesday the same thing happened, Lee woke up being in a mood and dragged me down straight away, and it pissed me off beyond belief! I understand he's working a lot, and have trouble with sleeping, but he should understand my life ain't as easy as it may seem, either.
I might not be working but I'm still stressing 24/7, my body is changing day by day, and of course here are the little but constant pains, the general discomfort, which doesn't let me sit comfortably throughout the day neither to sleep the night... And the fact the easiest tasks became hard thing-to-dos within the months, talking about hanging the washing to the clothes-horse, or picking up the cat's plate from the floor a few times a day, to feed her. Not to mention I have this little life twisting, tickling and turning inside me, making me wanting the loo every time I lay down. But that's the least. Aww.
So all this is happening, I'm being on my own 4 days a week, between the above mentioned walls, looking forward to spend Lee's 4 off days together, and all I get is negative vibes. Once, alright. Second time, not so much. He told me on Tuesday he gets his arse on gear and goes to sort his passport out, I told him not to bother coming home until he calms down, cause I don't need this. Was in a mood for time being, but I put my energy in the weekly cleaning (At least in something useful.) and by being half way through I forgot about all the beef. We stayed in that night, with our friend Big Lee around, but it was too hot and I got bored and uncomfortable of sitting on the couch again, so just went upstairs to sleep.
I seem to be sleeping a lot nowadays, probably making up for all the lost times and in advance for the soon to be insomnia with our bubba.

Today was much much more better! Lee was awake before me, so he went around to his pops where I met him when I woke up early afternoon. Spent a little while there, and was only one thing made me annoyed for a second; Lou's comment again about labour and -'Just wait, when it starts, the pain will make you think of 'Why the fuck did I want this?!' haha!'... I get the joke, but watch this space, the third time she says something like this I won't leave it without comment.
Just as, I have a feeling she will be nosey when it comes to how we are going to raise our girl. After all it's her niece, and she might be wanting to help his brother and I as first-timers with advice, and she might -let's say- tell us off, cause we will be doing things differently like her (Thinking of being strict and not letting our girl to watch much telly and stuff.) and that's one thing I won't be handling, not once. Advice, yes. Know-it-all attitude, never! Lee just nodded when I mentioned the above but I know it's going to be me telling his sister off if it ever comes to point. Hope it won't though.
Being nice outside (Meaning: Warm but nicely windy.) we decided not to go home (Meaning: Sitting in the airless boiling flat, bored.) so went to the pub instead. Even though we couldn't really afford that few pints of lager and few pints of soft drink, I think I can say we both had a lovely time. We were talking a lot about parenthood and our plans, how much we are looking forward for our daughter to arrive, and that even though it still feels unreal, how much we love her already.
It was nice sitting outside for a change, without having the telly on and just to chat. I told Lee that's what I want, us time, family time, talk, -when the lady is here- play, not just being next to each other but being together. He understood and agreed with the point, but both of us being lazy it clearly won't be changing much in the next couple of weeks. Just watch when the baby is here, I think that's when he will get his pep back, if I wouldn't be enough, she will be motivating him big times.
He said he wants to change one thing about himself for our daughter, which is showing emotions. I absolutely forgot about how much the lack of it keeps bugging me every now and then, probably cause I got used to not getting any of it. It's good though that he knows, he slowly has to start to show excitement and what not. He also has to start to make decisions, I don't want to be the only dominant person in this family, he has to start saying -'Yes' or -'No' instead of -'I don't mind/care'... It just won't work that way. Not sure though the importance of it sank into him yet, but if not earlier, he will grow into it, as we all will grow with our little girl.

Monday, 26 September 2011


O.K. so I've been doing my dreads in the past couple of days which took me 22 hours all together. Just so it doesn't sound ridiculous here's bit of a background information; I have them for over 3-4 years so with all the color changes, and mainly cause of the hardcore bleaching sessions it was enough time for them to stuck together properly. As it happens, I decided to grow them out about a year and a half ago, so I didn't treat them, brushed them out (It worked with my 6 months old dreads a few years ago.), used conditioner, but mainly just left and ignored them. All in all, the roots were kept making themselves into locks, so it came quite clear that the only way is to get rid of them is to shave my hair again, but hey, I'm not 15 anymore and I do love my hippie hair, I'd just regret it at the end.
The other day I went on a mad thinking spree of bleaching them again, but not wanting to cause any more damage, I've decided to trick myself instead.
Always wanted to have cute little beads on each dreadlock, and putting them in will stop me dying my hair once and for all, but to grow the color out entirely. Will be weird once it starts to show though, no one seen me with my original colour for over 10 years.
Anyways, long story short; Beads in, side and fringe cut, side bleached, ends dreaded (First 8 hours session.) then had to re-crochet each and every locks (The second, 14 hours session.) and everyone who has or had dreads knows, it ain't easy, especially when you do it for yourself.

All this not even important to be honest, apart from the note of keeping myself busy and creative... And somewhere entertained.
So I had the telly on yesterday, pretty much all day in the background, cause wanted to concentrate on my hair instead of changing the music all the time, which I would've gotten bored of anyways. And there it was; Some talk show about last year's favourite program 'The Only Way Is Essex'. First I laughed out absolutely loud, cause though it was a joke. Then it started to sink in, and just stared at it in disbelief. Who doesn't know what is; A reality TV series of people live in Essex (Respect for the exception.) aka the orange women with fake hair, lashes, mouth, boobs, nails and hunked up orange men. All thicker than my cat in season. They however, call it over the top and stylish. I can't even describe it. (The picture below isn't from the show. But could be, really.)

So this crap has won BAFTA last year (None of the 'actors' knew what BAFTA stands for, by the way.) and were talking about the second season starting tonight. And the truth hit me; We are living in a society who's hungry and interested in something like this. And I'm not talking about the 20 odd 'women', I'm talking about the teenagers too. They think this is life. Bling, extensions and 'vajazzle' aka little diamond glittery stud stickers on the waxed and fake tanned gina.
I mentioned to Lee how shocked I was, and he pretty much lost it immediately too, saying yes, we seem to be the only one 'old fashioned' people remained.
We quickly had a discussion about raising our girl... As strict as it may sounds, I do believe we made the right decision. Now just to keep it.
No telly as long as we can make her not be interested in it. When it comes to the point, we're only going to let her watch 'intelligent' cartoons (Post 50.) which we grew up on. That with a time limit, let's say an hour or so daily, if she was a good girl. I'm going to try and read her a lot, draw with her, play Lego and puzzle and what not with her, and take her out to the playground or to the park quite often. Even cooking with her; I learn, she learns. Simples.
Me and Lee had bit of a jarring about his bloody X-Box though, I understand how much he loves it and that is what makes him relaxed after a long week, that's why I don't say much about him pretty much doing nothing on his day offs, just sitting in the living room playing it (Yes, it is boring for me, and yes, it does piss me off sometimes, the emphasis was on understanding it.) but told him, it should stop when our lady is here. Not entirely though, I just want the family to spend time together, and if we are just sitting next to him staring at the flat screen, she obviously will be interested in whatever daddy is doing, and will try and get into it sooner than later. Hope this thing won't happen, and Lee can brace himself only turning the big box on when the lady is asleep or out.
Either way, it's going to be really hard on so many ways, especially when she'll be with her grandparents or auntie; They always have the telly on, in the focus. And -no offense- not quite sure they'd even understand the issue I have with it. I reckon it's just easier to have the kids sat in front of the TV and not making much of an effort on entertaining them, when you have a busy lifestyle anyway.
I'll just try my hardest to raise her a clever little muffin, not one of those instant and stupid kids you have nowadays.

Sunday, 25 September 2011


34 weeks bump

'If you've been worried about going into labour early, you'll be happy to know that the vast majority of babies delivered at 35 weeks are born healthy and survive without any major problems. Your baby's lungs should be fully developed by now and any breathing problems can be easily treated.'
'Many women start to notice a tingling sensation or numbness in the pelvic region or pain as they walk. This may be caused by the pelvic joints loosening, ready for labour.'
Well... If it only supposed to start now, she could even be coming roughly 2 weeks earlier. (Post 105.)

Thursday, 22 September 2011


I know we still have many weeks to go, but rather sooner than later I put together the hospital bags already. Here's  the list I got my bags together from. Obviously added and took a few things for my taste.

- Grows (2 x newborn/premature, 3 x size 0-3 months.)
- Rompers (1 x newborn/premature, 2 x size 0-3 months)
- Baby blanket
- Mitten
- Hat
- Bib
- Pair of socks
- Disposable nappies
- Wipes
- Bum cream
- Jacket

- Massive hooded jumper-vest (To give birth in.)
- Oil for massage in labour (If the pool plan doesn't come together.)
- Lip balm (In case I chew my lips to bits in pain.)
- Not too wanted pants (For the messiness after birth.)
- Maternity pads (There will be blood.)
- Nursing bra (For feedings and to keep the boobies together.)
- Breast pads (Hopefully won't be using them much.)
- Socks
- Pj bottoms and a boxer to sleep in (You never know, it might be too hot for Pj's.)
- Vest to hang out and sleep in
- Massive shirt (Makes feeds easier.)
- Tiny travel shower gel
- Tiny travel toothpaste
- Ear plugs
- Tracksuit bottoms and a big T-shirt (Aka the going home outfit.)

Still need (Aka the ones I can't pre-pack, but will be whacked on top of the bag when the time comes.):
- Birth plan and blue notes
- Thyroid medication (If I don't forget.)
- Slippers
- Toothbrush
- Towel
- Pillows
- Snacks/fruits and energy drinks (Mummy will need the boost.)
- Chewing gum (Rather chew that in pain, than my lips.)
- Transport for baby (Probably in-laws will pick us up with cousin's baby car-seat.)


I had a crazy dream last night again!
I dreamt about my mum a few months ago, that was about having a fight over rearranging/tidying my room or something similar. She wanted to beat me up while I was hiding behind my desk. Pretty much sums up our relationship, when I was a teenager.
Last night's was about having a male figure over (Ex? Or boyfriend? Someone nameless, faceless, that's how important his character was in the dream...) and mum was bitching about loud, of having the water splashed out on the bathroom floor after he had a shower. Not having a shower curtain this was an all time favorite too, of our fights when I was young.
Woke up feeling utter crap. I don't want to be like my mum. I don't want my gorgeous little monster to have these kind of memories of me when she grows up, it's awful! The worst thing is knowing of myself and that I'm slowly becoming the person my mum is, both attitude and bitchiness wise... Maybe not as hardcore as she is, but still, it scares me, and don't quite know how to put a stop on it.
All I can hope is that staying with the man I love will help me through things, so single parenting won't push me to extremity, like it done to her. (That's the only excuse she can get from me, really.)
Oh dear, I again sound like a heartless daughter. Brilliant.
Anyways, waking up next to Lee this morning offset my bitterness, it's always good to look into those sleepy-red smiley eyes, while having kitty purring for strokes on the duvet. That's my family and that's what I love really really much.
I'm still in need of a bad ass dreamcatcher though.

I also had one of the worst night sleeps ever the other day. I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions every now and then, usually night time, but this time it was beyond everything! I reckon the food I've eaten that day, and the fact that my metabolism has changed didn't help either.
So it was kind of like a constipation-contraction filled night for me, with added super hardcore heartburn and hurting knee joints. Slept about 4 hours, spent another 4 hours trying to fall back asleep, but just got up at the end on hysterical tears. Painkillers done the job, and milk seemed to be helping too (As long as I didn't lay down.), it was more likely the fact that I haven't slept for more than 5 hours in the past week or so, being bored and exhausted, not being able to relax, and knowing that I have 7 more weeks to go from this madness.
Luckily it got better within a few days, so I'm sleeping 9-10 hours pretty much straight in now, don't eat much, or when I do it's usually what I feel like (Junk junk junk.) and they don't seem to be giving me that bad of a heartburn.
I can only hope it stays like this in the next few weeks, and I'll be able to get plenty of rest before the baby gets here.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011


Today I had to go back to the hospital for my usual harrasment.
Luckily I had early appointments, so I was over with the whole thing within an hour or so. I got Miss Piggy as the obstetrician (A Polish/Russian/one of those lady.) whom I've seen on my first ever visit, and highly disliked. She turned out to be quite nice actually, even though it was hard to understand what she was saying.
As of the doctor, I've seen a different one than the usual 'nice woman', but this one seemed to be O.K. too. Bet it all had something to do with the timing, and the yet not too crowded atmosphere.
Then I went to see my GP for the first time since I registered, like half a year ago.
Anyways, I called my midwife straight after, and we all decided of not going for home birth.
They made my decision easier with saying the same thing (All of them. Saying the same. Once and for all. Finally.) of at the end it's my body and my choice, but they do not recommend it, since even though no one is concerned about my health, they are worried about the baby's.
As of me I rather not chance it, obviously, especially now, when I have the following written black and white in my folder, by a doctor, confirmed with her stamp; 'DW Mr Dorman, she can have delivery at birthing centre and pool'.
We also have another growth scan dated for next Thursday, cause my bump is 2 cm ~ 0.8 inch smaller than it supposed to be this time. Don't think it's an issue though, especially knowing that the scan we had last time showed that our little alien is perfectly happy and healthy, but still... I weight myself as well, I only put on 12 kg ~ 26.4 lbs so far, but it should be all good, I still have a few more weeks to improve.

So yeah, we've been shopping the afternoon as well, went to check out the new sensation; Westfield Shopping Centre in Stratford. We purchased all the above from Boots and Primark anyway, but both of their branchs are massive, so there were a fine selection of clothes and dummies. (Baby bath is ordered from Asda.) I'm absolute in love with all the clothes we got, even though they are a little boy ish. Aww. Well happy. Now only more mittens and hats are needed, which we'll be getting from Lou, so we are finally 100% sorted with baby stuffs!
There is also an alternative kids shop in there for funky clothes, and Vans and Office sells quality kids shoes too. Not to mention the massive Lego, Puzzle and Party stores! We have to wait at least 3 years til we can have a good use of them though, but it's good to know we got somewhere to go for good clothes, birthday party stuffs and toys, which ain't making her dumber, in fact help her skills, or at least make her little brain work.


On Sunday I had a surprise Baby Shower organized by Laura! Her and my other friends done it all behind my back; A few of them got me out of the flat the day, and brought me back a couple of hours later for our flat being all decorated and filled with family and friends. I don't even know how did they manage to fit this many people in the living room. We had lots of food, drinks and even more presents!
Not many grows, but baby blankets, a changing mat, nappies and little bits like wipes, oil, creams, baby powder and so. Just what we needed!
I've never been on a Baby Shower before, I couldn't even do anything with the situation, not the kind of person who can be in the focus of attention, or can act 'normal' in a situation like this. It was proper touching and my nerves got the better of me; I was all blushy the whole day. It was awesome though, made me feel absolutely loved.

Yesterday after cleaning, we rearranged our front room, only moved the sofa and armchairs around, but it gives us much more space, so we actually could manage to fit the pram in comfortably.
Today Lee called the council to find out what's going on with our case, and guess what?! We are finally in their system! Just about time... They'll be contacting us in the next couple of weeks and have someone to come out and check how we live, aka whether or not we are lying. When this happens, we can even drop hints about knowing for difinite that there are going to be a few available 2 bedroom properties in the area the near future, cause family friends are moving out of the borough or for example Lou is getting rehoused from a stairy ground floor 2 bedroom to a step free 3 bedroom.
She also said staying in a hostel wasn't as bad as we imagine, but I still wouldn't go for that option if we can stay here for a little longer. Although, as it happens, Jackie has been talking about wanting to move back soon ish, so see how things go. I still have faith in getting a place in either this or the beginning of next year...

Saturday, 17 September 2011


I was awake for over 20 hours yesterday, doing the drawers and organizing Lileeva Jean's closet. Damn, she ain't even born yet and has more clothes than I do. No lies!
Sorted her little outfits, they are all hanging nicely on a rail, and every items have their own drawer now; The tiny newborn grows and rompers which I'm well concerned about fitting her, the 0-3 months grows, the 0-3 months rompers, the socks and leggings, and last but not least, the blankets and bibs. They just fit though, so probably have to rearrange my and Lee's pants and socks drawers if we're getting many more stuffs haha!
So that's that, the master bedroom is 100% ready for her.


I watched a program about IVF treatment not long ago... I obviously heard about it before, it's just something you don't really think about unless in the need, I suppose. As you all know, until recently (12th of March this year to be precise.) I believed I won't be able to have kids, and for some reason IVF never came to my mind, and it has nothing to do with my imperfect previous relationships or my -relatively young- age.
So in the documentary I watched, the age was the issue, the woman was almost 60 years old and decided with her partner to go for a baby. Even though we are talking about an English couple, they had to travel abroad cause in the UK you can't get this treatment done above the age of 45.
The Polish clinic was the winner, with the right egg donor and everything. Perfectly makes sense, but I didn't even think about that you have to go through many folders to choose the egg(s) with the most quality and attitude of yours. For example this woman's terms were mainly for the donor to be blonde haired and blue eyed. After trying and trying they had a baby girl at the end, and guess what?! She looks Polish.
No offense, I have quite a few Polish friends, they are all unique on a way, but most of them still has similarity in their bone structure on their face, especially around the eyes. I mean, you can easily make a difference between a typical English girl and a typical Polish girl. It's not bad, in fact nature's brilliant ways. I'm tempted to make an example with pictures, but I don't want to use any of my friends' photos, in case they'd get offended by the term of 'typical'.
Anyways, it made me wonder whether or not I'd go for IVF if I was in need. I've written about adoption somewhere at the beginning of my blog (Post 11.), I'd be scared of not being able to love the little one as my own, so that's a massive taboo.
As of this egg treatment... It's more personal, after all you carry the baby out yourself, with all it's ups and down, so you grow to appreciate both the baby and the fact that you are having one. But back to nature; Until it's born and grows up, you don't know who's genes will be dominant in him/her. What if the dominant genes are from the 'mum's side' aka the baby would look like the egg donor, a complete stranger?! Even knowing I carried out and raised and am it's mother, I'd feel a bit weird about it.
I know, it's not the whole point, but it's something you think about. Even if the egg(s) would be from my close friend, I would see her and my partner in the baby, not me and him. Call it selfish, but it'd make me feel uncomfortable.
The another fertility treatment which leaves me with doubts is when you get your own eggs treated, so you can have twins or triplets. It's not as harsh as the above, it's just... What for?! Agree, it would be fun to have a couple of look-a-like babies, especially if it's one of each, a girl and a boy, but let nature decide for god's sake.
Ah well, as I said, I've never before considered or even thought about any of the above, and luckily, as the example shows I don't even have to.
Just can't wait now for our daughter to pop her little head out, so we can finally push aside all the guessing and see for ourselves who she's more alike.
50 days to go. Yay!

Friday, 16 September 2011


I'm having a super active-creative-productive day today.
Woken up at 0730am after not much sleep, all I remember is fidgeting and being awake all night. Went to the hospital to get my blood taken, cause I have the usual appointment next Wednesday. I'm stressing in advance, I hate those hospital people...
After the blood check I went to Stratford to buy a couple of steel labrets, cause the silicone bars in my cheeks slowly got thinner and thinner, until one of them finally broke last night. While waiting for the salon to open went to the pound shop to stock up on some junk. I know it's not good, but I seem to have cravings for crisps, cakes and chocolates and don't even feel like eating anything else nowadays. Besides fruits...
I'm doing colorful fabric linings into our daughter's drawers. We bought these rattan seagrass drawer sets for her grows, only thing they ravel a bit which ain't too handy if it comes to baby clothes and sensitive baby skin. So I decided to cut up a few of my T-shirts which I'm not anymore using, and make linings out of them. She'll have a white, a yellow, an orange, a pink and a purple drawer. And still not sure if all her grows will fit in there hah! Once I'm done with the sewing (Hopefully soon or at least tonight.) will be sorting out all her little clothes once and for all.

Been working on my Halloween costume in the past week as well. Took some time to get the hang of it and still not 100% satisfied, mainly cause of the shitty fabric paint I got. I had to go through the lines twice, and the color is still coming out after washing -by hand!- leaving a mess on the black bits, so I reckon it'll be a once-to-wear outfit. Shame, I really wanted to wear at least the leggings after Halloween too. Anyhow, I'm done with the vest (Front and back.) and the leggings (Front and back.) too, so only the arm bits to go which I'm sure I'll be done with on the weekend, or the beginning of next week.

All in all, I'm well chuffed with myself. Not only the clothes and the drawers are turning out O.K. but it feels good actually doing something with my days, even though we are only talking about buying piercings and doing some washing between painting and sewing.

Thursday, 15 September 2011


We are overloaded with 0-3 months baby grows, it's unbelievable! Not complaining though, cause so far we spent pretty much nothing on baby clothes. Luckily friends and family members have given birth not too long ago, and they donated all their baby's outgrown stuffs for us. Lee's colleague just given us a massive bag of punch cake colored newborn grows yesterday.
It's just the thing I hope we won't be getting many more, cause we already have at least one outfit for each day for the first 3 months, and I'd be sad not to be able to use all of them at least a few times. What from then on I don't really know, probably will go on a mad 3-6 months and up, funky grow and clothes shopping, possibly from here or here. She just has to have a few mad outfits.
Reminder of what we still need before her birth:
- Changing mat
- Bath
- Towels
- Mittens
- Hats
- Socks

Oh mmm punch cake, I want some. It's like carrot cake; Don't think I could ever be able to overdose on them. I have some serious cravings nowadays as you can tell.
On another note, this whole thing is becoming less and less joyful. I'm tired all the time and aching constantly. Absolutely powerless throughout the day, have no motivation for doing anything, not comfy sitting on the sofa or on my birthing ball, just can't wait to lay in bed but after a while it becomes uncomfortable too.
At least my sleeping patter seems to be set in, I usually go to bed between 11pm-01am, wake up between 06-07am for a wee, struggling to fall back asleep until Lee gets in the morning, and sleep again from 09am til about midday.
I've never been the kind of person who liked to lay on her stomach (The boobs perhaps.) and not a big fan of laying on my back either, so I didn't have too much trouble getting used to the pregnant position(s), only feeling bad for Lee a little bit, cause of taking up so much space. I'm a starfish anyway but now I take over 2/3 of the bed if not more, and using 5 pillows leaving Lee with only one.

Friday, 9 September 2011


I've never been the dressing up kind when it came to Halloween, but seems like it has a big culture here. Even last year Lee and his friends were all excited, fully dressed up for the event, I almost felt uncomfortable going out with them, without anything special on. Then I got a splash of fake blood in my face and that it was.
Since my due date is very close to Halloween I wasn't even thinking about going out this year, but Laura mentioned how cool it would be to paint my bump as a pumpkin, so I looked up on the internet what does the web have for preggers women.
And I found this totally cute, home-made skeleton outfit!

Here is the method behind this totally buff idea. I'm loving it. Have to have another Primark trip to buy a pair of black tracksuits, or just leggings (I know they have that.) and a long black vest to paint. That would be comfier in a club or pub even, but that'd mean I'm going to have to have someone to paint my arms. Also, I want to do the back of the tee and leggings too, but I can just use the same template for them so that's cool.
Planning on a sick skull face paint too, think it would look proper good together.

Now only to pray to make the costume good, and of course, not to pop by then or even on the actual night. I'm due on the 6th of November, which is exactly a week after Halloween weekend, and I'm planning my first ever proper outfit... How inappropriate and exciting!


Have been thinking about this language thing, etiquette and basic differences between countries, and how you get raised. Everyone knows Spanish and Italian are fierce, French are a bit snooty but we can't say everything for definite, after all not all English are posh and conservative. In fact these are only stereotypes, after all as many family as many habits, right?!
I do know there are many differences between how me and Lee got raised, mainly cause of the culture of our countries, and of course the language. Examples, examples.
We don't just say 'you', we make difference between talking to a younger or same age person, and an elder one. We use another word with the same meaning, when we are talking to an older person, showing our respect. If you respect someone you don't first-name him or her straight away, you use their Miss/Mr/Mrs title. We don't have these titles. We do the above instead. Used to be like this in families as well, years and years ago, my nan for example wasn't able to call her own mum on her first name, cause back then it qualified rude.
Bad and selfish habit which I picked up too living here for years, is when talking about a group saying yourself first. That's just a wrong attitude and seems acceptable for all the English. It used to piss me off, but as I said, the years and the assimilation... We say 'Mum, Nan, Lee and me' putting yourself last, while English do the opposite 'Me, Mum, Nan and Lee'. Question of respect again.
There is a fine line between comfort and rudeness, and we are talking about tiny things, which for some perhaps don't even come in mind. I think it's more likely the difference between people and families than countries, but still...
When I go to Lee's parents' I expect to be invited in, want to take my shoes off, and wait to be offered a drink, having a short chat with his mum. That's how I got raised, but for now I realised, for them it doesn't necessary come across as politeness, but lazyness and discomfort. So after 24 years, I broke the habit and loosened up, even though it's harder than one would think. Now I just walk in with my shoes on, shout a -'Hello!', straight in the kitchen, ask them if they wanted a coffee or tea, and start to make one for myself. When done, just sit down in the living room, have a chat or just simply slagging off what's in the telly.
I for example would be furious, if my daughter's boyfriend would walk in to my house, with only shouting 'Hi!', started to make a coffee for himself without asking if he's allowed to, from my coffee and so on. It's not cause I'm selfish, it's cause I think it's rude. Well... At the beginning of the relationship definitely, but as I said, I still don't feel comfortable doing it, and we're together for over a year, and having a baby together. Get the point.
Another story is when you are among friends. When we invite a few over, we have some who just walks in, we have some who knocks and waits to be invited in, some of them opens the fridge and makes themselves a sandwich, some of them refuses to eat when you offer them food.
Different background, different people but that's why we are so colorful and interesting, aren't we?!

Not quite sure how it would work raising wise though. I want my girl to have less complexes than I have, but to be nice and polite the same time, and to see the difference between comfortable and rude. Probably the language thing will solve this problem, when the time comes I'll try and make her talk with respect to my Hungarian friends and family, until they offer her to start and talk to them however she wants, on the first-name basis.
I can kind of imagine it being hard, but to be honest I'm well scared of the whole language thing already. English comes naturally for me, Hungarian doesn't anymore. Something I have to do some serious work on.


I'm a mess. The migraine the other day, can't sleep nowadays either, even though I feel tired all day I keep waking up during the night, getting the cold, my back pretty much constantly hurts and my tooth broke again. Same tooth which I had problems with a few months back, the filling fall out yesterday. Joys of the end period of pregnancy, eh?!
About the illness; Lee said it must be going around cause lots of his workmates getting it, so I'm hoping he'll be getting it too either from me or from his colleagues, therefor we both can be well over it in a few weeks, by the little one gets here.
She makes me healthier too, since I can't drink Lempsip no more I stuck with the teas (Yuck!), for now only the filtered ones though, but with the winter coming I'm going to stock up on ginger and bang on the honey-lemon-ginger tea. And nettle tea (Possibly the filtered one since I wont have time and chance to harvest any during winter.) to heal me and get all the baby-weight water out of my system.

Also, I need to work on my cooking skills. I'm horrible. Might ask Santa-Lee to bring me one of those '1000 yummsie recipes' book for Christmas. That's a start, right?!

Thursday, 8 September 2011


I've been up since 07am sorting out this council flat situation. It's getting ridiculous.
First of all I went to Citizen Advice Bureau where I got a number with a 3 hours waiting period, so in this gap I had time to pop over the road, wait for the council to open, and double check that I'm still not in their system. See, I'm playing nice, wouldn't want to sue them if there are chances for them already sorted my documents...
Obviously, it turns out I'm still not in the system, I'm getting the same answer on the phone and in person for the past 2 months, of they are sending an email to the manager on the housing department, who should look into things and I should have their reply (My bidding and banding/priority number.) in a week or two.
Yeah right, I gave the woman a face, told her that's what I'm hearing from week to week for months now. She said there have been issues with that department, since half of the staff have left during the summer and it's under new management, so most probably what happened was is whoever started to work on my case, has quit without closing it. Told her I understand but I don't give a shit about it, I mean, why should their staffing be my problem when the issue is clearly with them, misplacing my documents?! (And these are the exact words I forgot to put in my complaint, damn it! Aggrh! Anyway, hope it still works out just fine.) She also added if I did make a complaint, that should even make the decision quicker. Now let's hope.
Then going back to CAB the advisor told me they can't really do much, until I have a written proof of the council's decision (Hello?! That's what I'm waiting for, I wouldn't have turned up if I had that already.) and they suggest me to re-apply, now as a homeless, so they have to rehouse just me with the baby as soon as possible, to a shelter-shithole for time being, aka until there are severe council flats are available. I got up and left. I knew these already, they pretty much gave me everything but advice.

Auntie Tünde

 I've been talking with my friend Tünde, who's well informed with things involving the law, so I know if they get a complaint they have to respond to it within 14-15 working days, if that doesn't happen I can take the case further. (And I forgot to mention this as well. Well done me.)
Just like I shouldn't have to worry about being in a relationship where my other half earns money, they should treat me with just as much of a respect as a single working mum. Which pretty much means not accepting the shelter only for myself and the baby, shouldn't detain my chances on bidding for a property.
I made this complaint in 3 ways; One in a letter on their official complaint form, in another self written letter, and online, copying my self-written letter. So technically they can't say all of them has gotten lost or some crap, in fact I hope all of them gets to the same person at the end, preferably to the manager of the housing team, and so he will see I'm trying my best, and keep my name remembered in his office.
Even though I'm beyond mad at myself of missing out on a few things, I believe a pulled together a pretty strong letter.
I'm tempted to post it here but I'm way too proud of it haha! Selfish me.

Tuesday, 6 September 2011


Louise went on a mad shopping spree and spoilt her unborn niece, big times! Looks like she's doing everything to make our girl a 'girly girl' with lots of pink stuffs haha! Don't blame her though, in fact I'm quite happy about it; We wouldn't spend a penny on pink clothes, but if she didn't have any, she'd might be growing up liking it for this reason. Not me nor Lee had anything black when we were young, same with my friend Hedie who's obsessed with cream and chocolate and had none of those when she was a kid.
It's so much, can't even name everything we got! Baby grows, lots of little tights , dresses, tops, socks, hoodies, a jacket... All of them 0-3 months, so she actually has clothes to fit not just grows. We can take the little jacket to the hospital since she'll be a winter baby... We won't even have to be afraid of her getting lost in the 3 months+ one, which we already have for her but is clearly too big.
Oh and how could I forget?! We have our first 'I love mummy' baby grow. Aww finally!

Something absolutely different. I'm wanting to mention it for quite some time now, but somehow I kept forgetting and it's not something I would want to spend a whole entry on; Shaving! Bloody hell.
Why does no one talk about it? I know it's personal, but you read about sex during pregnancy, orgasm during labour, why does no one mention shaving during pregnancy?! Not like my life (Or sex life. Which I don't anymore have therefor is very upsetting... And is something I won't talk about, even though I could.) would depend on not shaving, it's just something some people do, some people don't do, end of story.
But that it took me 20 minutes just to sort out the 'below the belly-above the thighs' area absolutely blind, well that's something worth to mention! Ended up with no cuts whatsoever, it's the years and the experience aka pure talent.
This made me wonder how do fat and obese people shave? Although I suppose their fat is podgy and folding from side to side or whatever, not a big hard baby bump, but still. And are they just as breathless after each shaving session as me?! It felt like I ran a marathon.
Anyways, Lee is one lucky guy, he told me at the beginning of my pregnancy that he's preparing himself for shaving my legs when I get big, but I'm perfectly fine with doing that to myself.
He still has to vanish my toes though, they are way too far and tiny haha!


I've learnt about horrible things lately too, things I don't even want to look into properly cause I know myself and tha,t I'd be overthinking them and drive myself nuts. Losing the baby. I think it's painful either way, but the later the worse, getting attached to her more and more and everything...
Only posting about it cause it's something needs to be mentioned, I want to get over with it, that's that, done.
I'm way over the miscarriage period, was very worried at the first 3 months, especially not knowing I was pregnant up until the 2nd month, and been drinking and other, could have ended awful. Tried, and keep trying to be careful, but since I'm far gone my 24th week it wouldn't anymore class as a miscarriage, for the same reasons why the abortion now would class as a murder; The baby is fully formed, not a fetus anymore.
Stillbirth is when the baby's born dead. Lee said it could caused by both the mum's and baby's stress during labour, but since they do regular check ups on both if there were complications they'd order an emergency C section straight away. Now here's the dilemma again; Hospital where I more likely to be stressing or home where from the time of the transport could be an issue if anything would happen?!
There's another case, when the baby dies any time before that, then they induce the labour. (That's why I was so worried the other day, when I didn't feel her moving.) I personally don't think I'd be able to go through it, not the physical pain, more likely to know that the bubba I'd be delivering is technically not with us anymore. Just to think of it makes me shiver. (Let's hope nothing like this happens though; After all there are people out there with worse health issues, delivering healthy babies. Well... According to 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant'.)
Cot death... When the baby literally dies in the cot at a very early age. Lee said some babies just die for no reason, but it's more likely to be caused by asphyxiation, that's why it's important how you place the baby in the cot. (Feet to foot, covering her up but under her arms and lay her on her back, so she can't roll her head into the mattress.) For this reason, he said, most first timer couples find sleeping difficult, even though the baby is finally snoozing.
We obviously have the kitty issue too, which I didn't even think would be an issue, until I was babysitting Alfie. When he fell asleep PuddyKat was showing way too much interest towards him. They probably find these tiny warm babies comfy, that's why they want to snuggle up next to or on them. We will be cool though, not going to have kitty in the bedroom when we go asleep, and can keep a good eye on her when the bubba is asleep next to me in the living room in the travel cot. Plan!
Now that's it, I'm willing not to talk about these anymore.
This subject left me with guiltiness, after all I'm not even supposed to think about these awful things, right?! Duh!

Had a few crazy dreams again, starting with the oldest from a week ago.
Dream 1.
Me Lee and Laura was out drinking in Budapest, we were on the street, having a bottle of wine or so, in a tiny park next to our bus stop at 0210am, that's what the big clock said. Remembering Laura being pregnant too, and she was due exactly a year and a month later than me on 06/12/12.
Anyways, I was needing a wee for quite some time, she looked at the clock and told Lee -who was beyond excited by this point anyway- how cool cause our baby is due in exactly 2 minutes (Which was actually 2 x 5 minutes.) at 0220am, that's when I couldn't hold it for longer, so I went down to the public subway and had the wee of my lifetime, but wasn't too sure whether it was my water or I was just peeing or both.
Dream 2.
In this bad one I had a fight with Lee's family, who weren't his real life family but a bunch of young chav girls. I told one of them off, which pissed the rest off, and they wanted to attack me even after I apologised... So I found that the safest way to get out of it is going to Lee's, and tell him whatever happened so he can 'translate' what and how I actually meant. So me and these bunch of jakeys were walking towards a tube station -night time again-, and even though they were playing nice I knew something wrong was up. That's when one of them nodded to the other, who whacked out her used infected needle and attacked me with it, on the arm. And I woke up... It's bloody well freaky that both in my scary ass dreams the attack was against me personally, but affected and maybe secretly targeted my baby too?! Not nice.
Dream 3.
The latest one was about me giving birth again. Me, mum and nan were traveling on the DLR at night time, and again, I really needed a wee so I went in the zoo where I crawled in to the bath (?), called Lee and that's that, my water broke, my legs and arms went numb -no pain though- and we knew it was on.
Must've dreamt it cause we were in the zoo recently, and the lady using my bladder as a pillow nowadays.
Anyways I'll try not to worry about things too much, so hopefully I'll only be having nice dreams from now on, like easy birth giving and so.


Jesus, just had the worst migraine attack for a long long time! After being awake for an hour it hit me so hard, I had to take super strong painkillers (Hungarian prescription kick ass magic, which ain't even supposed to be taken in the last 3 months of the pregnancy.), cold pack, darkness, silence and another 4 hours sleep, and it still ain't properly gone. It was so intense, it made me feel sick. Viva la mum and her genes in me. Damn. Reckon though it was mainly the weather, which I like very much, cold, grey and rainy is my kind of thing. Only can hope there are no more heatwaves this year, cause that would make my head explode straight away.
My best friend nowadays is milk. I'm still getting horrible heartburns randomly throughout the day and every night when going to bed, getting all cosy in horizontal. Gaviscon doesn't really help and it tastes like chewing dried out toothpaste, so rather stick to a little glass of cold milk, which eases the burn all the way down my throat, pretty much effective straight away, and it wakes bubba up too so I know she's still in there.

That's the other thing; Her kicks. I got way too scared the other day, cause she wasn't moving at all. Apparently you have to feel around 10 movements each day, even though they might not be as strong as they used to be, since she's running out of space and the backflip doesn't go down easy anymore. The midwives said if there is no sign of movements for time being we shall down a pint of ice cold water and it definitely wakes her up, when hits her bum bum. Well... It didn't. She gave me one or two weak 'uck's sake, leave me alone' nods, but that it was. She's usually active when I'm laying or sitting comfortably and is asleep when I'm on the move, and on Sunday (In fact the whole weekend pretty much.) we were out and about so probably this was the reason of the big silence, but it still made me panic like mad.
Lee started to talk to her when we went to bed and it must've woken her up, cause she finally moved again, I was so relieved it's unbelievable! Then we done the torch trick, he put the flash on and started to move it around on my stomach (Which reflected bright red cause of the blood, veins and insides haha!), if nothing else, this did the job! She was fidgeting for quite some time, knowing it's our baby most probably to hide her little face away from the light. (So much about my worries in Post 70.)
Yesterday and today she was all good, I stayed in and all I felt was her kicking, at some point it felt like she done a proper 180°, thought she's playing Alien and wanted to break out straight from the tummy. This was the most intense movement I've ever felt from her, was very weird but funny at the same time.
Also, it made me realise she's most probably going to be this kind of baby... The kind like Alfie is; Calms down and falls asleep when carried and awake and attention seeker when put down. Oh dear... The hard job baby haha!
Another strange thing started to happen the past weeks. Strange, cause no one mentioned it to me, but being in the last couple of months makes it absolutely normal I guess?! I started to feel her drop down every now and then, mostly when walking. Gravity and weight, I know, but why do no one talks about it? I can clearly feel it's not her moving around, it's her sliding down, feels like my lower bits are starting to stretch and slowly crack under the weight, in fact I usually have to stop and tens, cause I'm scared of dropping her out, on the concrete. Obviously it won't be so easy, but knowing she usually kicks me on my rib cage and feeling the above, makes me think she's already in the position, no matter she has another 5-6 weeks to swim around. She must be like me, getting ready before time, following the 'better be safe' principle.
It's good how you slowly get to study and start to know your own baby, even though she's not even born yet, just by watching and concentrating on her. For example I got to know by now, that;
- She likes to be carried around, that's why she's usually asleep when I'm traveling.
- She reacts for the light which means her optic nerves work. Thanks God!
- She feels and doesn't like when I'm stressing. I stress by stomach if it makes sense, like today, cause of the bloody council (I'm about to make a complaint and take this case further, even to the court if it's necessary, will be writing about it tomorrow when I'll be sorting most of it.) and she obviously felt how tens I was so she's been kicking me all day.
- She reacts to other people's voice. Weird how she doesn't react to mine though?! Reckon cause she's in me, therefor she hears me all the time so she got used to it. Proof? She wouldn't on Earth move on Sunday when I asked her to, but she started to groove pretty much straight away Lee asked her to! Daddy's girl, eh?! She also kicks when kitty is laying and purring on her home, and she wouldn't stop for no one yesterday either, when my friend Laura (Noticeable for her high pitched voice.) was around for a long chat.

Thursday, 1 September 2011


Went out to do some shopping in Primark this afternoon. Originally I was going to get a skirt, a T-shirt and some shabby pants for after labour. Obviously ended up not getting what I wanted, but lots of others. Even had a little peek on the baby section and got a massive baby blanket, white on one side, colorful on the other, lots of boy ish (The blue ones not the pink... Surprise.) bibs, and cute little socks. Yay. Only a few more stuff to go. My M&S nursing bras have arrived too; They look massive! They fit though, and are proper comfortable so can't complain.

Lee's mum, sister and niece popped over after too, was good to see Louise out and about. She's doing great now, and she looks so tiny, I'm jealous!
At one point Lou was asking what is the birthing ball for, cause hospital has them (She had two kids; She's been there, done that.) so we told her apart from rolling about on it during contractions, it's comfortable to sit on every now and then, takes the pressure off of my lower back. Lee then said it'll come handy at the first part of the labour since (Even though I won't be able to do the home birth thing) I definitely ain't no going in to hospital for that period. Lou was like -'Oh yeah you bloody well will be running to the hospital after the first pain, cause you're going to freak out, trust me.'... Thought she was still talking to Lee, knowing her brother or some shit, she wasn't even looking at me so it took me about a good half a minute to realise she meant these words for me.
I was way too shocked to be furious! What? Why? How dare? I mean... Seriously?! I'm sure she didn't mean it on a bad way, but it hurts and pisses me off so much, especially cause of what I'm going through right now.
It might just be me, and the way I got raised (And how I will raise my girl, by the way.), but if I have something to say I try and not to make it sound negative, or like I'm talking down on someone (You know the saying; Think twice before you say something.), or even though I don't agree with something I rather ask the other person's point of view, and try and understand why she thinks it that way, then tell my own experiences and warn her that most probably yes, she will freak out from the pain, and yes, she will be wanting to go into the hospital straight away. Attitude!
She most probably doesn't even know the background story behind my plan, so that's fair enough, but she didn't even look interested in it. I reckon she -as like most other people- think that I don't even have an idea of how cruel and painful it's going to be. Yeah, right, I ain't got a clue, cause I've never before given birth, but I do not expect it to be happy-happy joy-joy, and as much as I'm looking forward to suffer it through, I know it will have it's ups and downs. (Yes, I am looking forward to it, I think it's something every woman has to experience to be able to appreciate and celebrate the new little life. Going even further; I don't really see why do everyone moan about the horrible pain?! I can't wait for my first contractions, I'll be more excited at the beginning than scared, knowing it's on, it's started, my life is soon to be changeed forever.)
Oh whatever. I've gotten so many spiteful comments or bullies in my entire life, if I did care about every single one of them, I would most probably be curled up crying in some dark corner, lonely and miserable.