I dreamt about my mum a few months ago, that was about having a fight over rearranging/tidying my room or something similar. She wanted to beat me up while I was hiding behind my desk. Pretty much sums up our relationship, when I was a teenager.
Last night's was about having a male figure over (Ex? Or boyfriend? Someone nameless, faceless, that's how important his character was in the dream...) and mum was bitching about loud, of having the water splashed out on the bathroom floor after he had a shower. Not having a shower curtain this was an all time favorite too, of our fights when I was young.
Woke up feeling utter crap. I don't want to be like my mum. I don't want my gorgeous little monster to have these kind of memories of me when she grows up, it's awful! The worst thing is knowing of myself and that I'm slowly becoming the person my mum is, both attitude and bitchiness wise... Maybe not as hardcore as she is, but still, it scares me, and don't quite know how to put a stop on it.
All I can hope is that staying with the man I love will help me through things, so single parenting won't push me to extremity, like it done to her. (That's the only excuse she can get from me, really.)
Oh dear, I again sound like a heartless daughter. Brilliant.
Anyways, waking up next to Lee this morning offset my bitterness, it's always good to look into those sleepy-red smiley eyes, while having kitty purring for strokes on the duvet. That's my family and that's what I love really really much.
I'm still in need of a bad ass dreamcatcher though.
I also had one of the worst night sleeps ever the other day. I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions every now and then, usually night time, but this time it was beyond everything! I reckon the food I've eaten that day, and the fact that my metabolism has changed didn't help either.
So it was kind of like a constipation-contraction filled night for me, with added super hardcore heartburn and hurting knee joints. Slept about 4 hours, spent another 4 hours trying to fall back asleep, but just got up at the end on hysterical tears. Painkillers done the job, and milk seemed to be helping too (As long as I didn't lay down.), it was more likely the fact that I haven't slept for more than 5 hours in the past week or so, being bored and exhausted, not being able to relax, and knowing that I have 7 more weeks to go from this madness.
Luckily it got better within a few days, so I'm sleeping 9-10 hours pretty much straight in now, don't eat much, or when I do it's usually what I feel like (Junk junk junk.) and they don't seem to be giving me that bad of a heartburn.
I can only hope it stays like this in the next few weeks, and I'll be able to get plenty of rest before the baby gets here.
No comments:
Post a Comment