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Tuesday, 11 September 2012


I had possibly the worst Monday ever, but I truly deserved it.
On Sunday us guys 'popped out' and ended up 'out out' while Lee's parents were looking after Lileeva. We all got absolutely drunk. Especially me.
Since pregnancy, I became a lightweight. I still think I can down 5 shots in a row when in reality I'm drunk from 3 single spirit-mixers. I also haven't drunk for about 3 months now. So, apart from the usual embarrassment I caused, I was apparently being horrible to Lee too. Might sound like a cheap excuse but I can't remember any of it. He ended up staying at his parent's that night and I had hell of a Monday. Beside the hangover and splitting headache, Lee was seriously contemplating breaking up with me, which, to be perfectly honest, would have been absolutely understood. I can't remember anything, but I do know I can be the hardest person to deal with when I'm like that.
We got everything sorted, but I was terrified. I don't want to lose him or Lileeva, nor do I want Lileeva to grow up in a broken family, like most of the kids do. (And I did too.)
So I'm done with alcohol, for good. I shouldn't say I'm not drinking anymore, cause one cider or a cheeky cocktail doesn't do any harm. But where is one, there is always more - and they do do harm. It's entirely on me though, I am the only one that can't control herself. Wish Lee would tell me when I had enough and wouldn't let me drink anymore, but I am not his responsibility, so I will try and quit.
I love my life, I love my family and for them this isn't a big sacrifice to make.
I've also removed myself from Facebook and Twitter. Addictive things. I couldn't anymore make difference who were my real friends and who were just there to stalk. Some comments and people's behavior sometimes bothered me more than they supposed to, so it was time to quit. And believe it or not, I'm much happier already.
It feels like I'm finally, 100% focusing on my real life, on the things that are the most important.

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