Lileeva is only having one nap daily now, usually after lunch. Today she had one after breakfast, stayed awake for a couple of hours, had lunch and has been giving me the tired signs since. So, being a good mummy I laid her in the cot, shut the door and is she asleep? No way, she's chatting away with her teddies!
I've been missing out on baby groups lately, but I do not particularly mind as Lileeva's still having her daily 'adventures', in different forms. For example she spent the entire weekend at her nanny's due to my birthday drink up and feast with the boys. Then I took her to Danielle's on Monday and Lee took her out yesterday as well. We kind of had to, because the history repeats itself.
Exactly a year ago I spent my days in this flat, decorating and making the most out of this shithole the council gave us. This week they are out and fire proofing every single flat in the block, which means new smoke alarms, new doors, unbearable noise and awful lot of mess. I refused to gloss the new plain doors because all of them were colourful before the change over and that's how I want them to be again. So that's me, using every opportunity I can get, painting and decorating. (Bit of a photo reminder of our home in Post 184. and Post 201.)
Back to the baby groups. The one I went to the other Friday was quite nice and chilled out. My only problem with it was that the parents seemed to form a small group and I didn't feel welcome in it. At all. In fact, just to try and start up a friendly conversation I asked one of the older ladies who was there with her grandson, whether or not she was going there for long. She laughed, called out for one of the midwives' attention and said: 'Joyce! Haha Joyce! Did you hear this?! She was asking if I was coming here for long! Hah, yes darling, I was one of the first people coming here when this place opened, I brought all my kids and grandkids here.' And really, you sour old hag, where the fuck am I supposed to know that? I respect the elder as long as they respect me too. I just ignored her from then on. Twat.
On the other hand, on Wednesday's hectic group I met with a couple of nice mums. One of them has only 10 months between her daughters! It made me utterly broody and a little jealous too.
I'm now having mixed feelings about having another child. I do want to be pregnant again, and do want Lileeva to have a sibling, mainly because I hated not having anyone. But at the same time I'm scared I won't be able to focus on Lileeva 100% and won't be able to give her all the love and attention she needs.
And frankly quite annoying when Nicole, whom I'm seeing or talk to weekly, keep asking every time we speak, whether or not I'm pregnant yet. Putting me off much, I feel under pressure, like it's expected me to be pregnant again, very soon. Will have a word with her tomorrow...
By the way I'm 26 as of last Thursday. In reality I kept telling everyone I was 26 last year, not sure why. My mind never wanted to accept the fact that I was 'only' 25 and a mum, I suppose. I had a really good time, both on my actual birthday and on the weekend, however birthdays won't ever be the same again. Which is absolutely fine with me though.
I had a lovely time, got awesome presents, wicked drunk get together with the boys, plus Lee baked me my all time favourite cake.
But, after being through one, I find that Lileeva's birthday excited me more than my own. Making it a perfect surprise, ripping the presents open with her and watching her stuff her face with the cake.
Gay cliché mummy speech, I know.
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