Lileeva's birthday

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Sunday, 18 March 2012


I'm feeling guilty.
As I said many times before, I'm a shit sleeper. Even though I put Lileeva down, I can't go to sleep at 10pm but around 01am. Then so it takes me another hour or so to fall asleep, wake up throughout the night about 3-4 times, wake up for Lee getting home at 0730am then for Lileeva at 08am. Bad enough that my selfish self got used to waking up for her at 09am (That precious hour!) nowadays I'm having these crazy nightmares too, every night.
For some reason Lileeva woke up at 04am this morning. Tried to calm her but she just wouldn't stop so at the end had to give her a bottle. She clearly just woke up for something (Might be something to do with her jabs.), then realised she's actually hungry and since I was up too she didn't let me until I fed her.
I was beyond tired and messaging with Lee made me venting, using the words 'I hate my life at the moment.' now it's awful! Some mums would be well happy if their babies slept as much as Lileeva does!
Anyways, I think all new mums go through the 'Hate my life. Why the fuck did I actually want this?!' stage, if they say they don't, they are clearly lying.
I just feel guilty of getting pissed off so easily with her, when it's obviously not her fault that I can't sleep.
I'm thinking of cutting her down on solids, not cause of what the nurse said, but cause lately she's not finishing her last bottle and that might makes her waking earlier. So I'll be trying to feed her once, during the day, and not giving her another dose of puree before the last bottle.

I took this picture yesterday, she's smiling at herself in the mirror. I wonder whether she knows it's herself (After all I'm holding her and she can clearly see me there too.) or thinks it's a different baby, cause what would she know about mirrors yet?!

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