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Sunday, 3 July 2011


Today I'm frustrated. Today is the day when I had the very first panic attack for years. Today I sit on the sofa on hysterical tears, chocking for air with my shoulders and hands being numb. Today I hate me, I hate you and I hate everyone.
Today I'm angry. Today I want to go upstairs and kill all my neighbours with a buttering kinfe for being loud, walking around loud, banging every minute of every day. Today I want to go out and drop-kick all the little kids on the face. Today I'm fed up with Lee being able to sleep, snore and having only one day off this week spending it with his mates in front of the Xbox, leaving me bored. Today I bawled at the cat for being a cat. Today I want to spit in the mirror for being useless, ugly, boring and bored. Today I want to break something very nice and expensive. Today I just want to curl up in the dark and sleep in peace finally. Today is the 7th day of my illness and I'm tired.
Today I wish I had a different life, and I hate myself for it. Today I pity myself for not being able to be happy.
Today my hormones are fucking with me.

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