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Friday, 1 July 2011


Been watching Jordan's show about Harvey and his disabilities last night... This post won't be about Frankie Boyle (Who I actually like much, he always cracks me up.) or his joke about disabled people, nor about Katie and her family, it's more likely just something what was in me for a long long time and the show brought it up.
Unlike other people, I never once liked to joke about disability or disabled people, in fact I'm usually the person who tells her friends off if they do, no matter if I get eyes rolled at me. In my opinion anyone of us can hit by a car even tomorrow and have to spend the rest of our lives in a wheelchair, so what would you do then, eh?!
It might be because I know how is it like to be bullied (Those bare old school times...) or because my biggest ever fear is to be perfectly healthy mentally, trapped in a useless body. Just to think of it makes me shiver. All I would want is people to treat me like they treat anyone else, not more or not less. I wouldn't expect more attention (Apart from if it'd be needed.) and to have everyone tongues in my ass, neither to see how pity people feel for me.
Therefor I agreed straight away to get my baby scanned at 12 weeks for Dawn's syndrome, and well happy about today's modern technology that they can see the fetus through your belly, in fact not just the fetus itself, but it's little everything. It's a routine check at 20 weeks, what all mothers get, and they don't just check and measure your baby's legs, arms, skull spine and heart but everything beyond. All it's little organs, it's brain development and even it's nose and lips. (This is how they found out that Alfie has a cleft lip, absolutely useful cause his parents could get ready for it and done a research as well, know how and what from after the birth.)
I'm kind of against abortion, but to be honest if I'd have found out even now, half way through the pregnancy, when we are literally almost ready to have the little one here in every way, that she had one or more major health issues (Not talking about a simply cleft lip of course.) I'd probably had to seriously re-think of keeping her. It sounds harsh, I know, but it's not about me choosing the easier way, it's about not to be selfish and keeping her, when knowing she'll have a hard life. (Sometimes maybe even think of killing herself of not being able to cope with her disabilities and bullies through her entire life.)
Anyways, luckily she is perfectly healthy and seems happy squatting in my belly. Yay!
Although, I still have issues... You can't be sure enough, can you?! So back to Katie's boy Harvey... He's partly blind, has hormone problems (The same that I have by the way.) and is autistic, and maybe there are more, I can't really remember. I assume he looked healthy in the womb and as she said they found out about his disabilities one-by-one on his 6 weeks health check and on.
That means there are still chances that my little girl won't be 100% healthy when she pops out.
To be honest there is no chance I'd love my little girl any less if it did happen, I'll be on her side no matter what anyway, it's just that I don't want to put her in a position where she dislikes herself at any time, if it makes sense.
I know that it wouldn't be neither my or Lee's fault but you get the point. She is already special and means a lot to us and she has to know this, no matter what.
All in all I'm just worried, even though I know I'm healthy, therefor she is too, and I do everything to keep it this way.

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